Black Knighting

August 25, 2013

The concept of white knighting is a well-worn one in game circles. But there is another kind of  “knighting” I have experienced.

When I was in sixth grade, just starting at a new school, we were all going back to class after recess and a couple of girls yelled something at me, I don’t even remember what. I yelled something back, and they didn’t like this so they summoned a boy to run over and hit me.

This can happen a couple different ways. Most likely, a female is offended by a male and summons a male to attack the male who has offended her. A male could witness some dispute between a male and female and volunteer himself as her champion. Or a female could witness a dispute between two males and encourage the stronger one to attack the weaker one, with herself as an admiring damsel. I have seen all three cases.

This only happens if the target is fairly weak. Black knighting is a form of bullying so the black knight will have the profile of a bully. Women who work with black knights are bullies themselves. Black knighting will normally only occur in an environment where bullying is possible and tolerated, although I was seeing it in a completely adult environment just recently.

Black knighting is a real threat and I don’t know why game theorists have never talked about it, although since they never address omega issues that’s probably the reason. The concept of AMOG- “Alpha Male of the Group”- in which the PUA aggressively engages the big man to preemptively prevent an attack, is sort of an attempt to deal with black knighting. However it will only work if the alpha male either can’t bully in that environment, or doesn’t want to. The AMOGing PUA is then at the indulgence of the AMOG and not really dominating him.

For me approaching women has always felt quite dangerous because of this.

Book Review- “Bringing Mulligan Home”

May 11, 2013

I swear I have not abandoned this blog, but I’ve had a lot of other stuff on my mind the last six months. The job has been hell, but I think I’m OK now. Nobody is really safe here, but I think I’m fairly safe and can relax and do my job and they won’t screw with me.

I saw a book, “Bringing Mulligan Home” by Dale Maharidge in airport bookstores a couple times, and it looked very interesting. A reporter tells how his father had a picture of himself and another man, both Marines in Okinawa, in his basement machine shop, and aside from hearing his father sometimes scream “I didn’t kill him! It wasn’t my fault!” the picture was a mystery to him. After his father dies he sets out to learn what really happened to his father in the battle of Okinawa and what really happened to Mulligan.

I have been pretty broke and spending $30 for a hardcover book seemed an extravagance, but I saw it again a couple days ago and just bought it. The book seems to me to about far more than World War II but about what our experiences do to us.

The image of WWII veterans has been mostly that they came home proud heroes and became wise, pipe-smoking suburban fathers. At the time the movie “The Best Years of Our Lives” dealt with the issue of “adjustment” but superficially, and there was an official documentary about soldiers in a psychiatric hospital. I saw another book about returning veterans a couple years ago that talked about PTSD and employment problems in WWII veterans but I didn’t buy it and don’t remember the title.

Maharidge’s father worked as a machinist and also had a shop at home where he did additional work. He was mostly a normal 50′s and 60′s father but had an explosive temper that made life very difficult for his wife and kids. He tracked down other men in his father’s unit and found they had varying degrees of psychological and physical problems. Some were deeply affected, others said they weren’t very bothered by their experiences.

Beyond injuries from bullets and shrapnel, the Marines Maharidge talked to suffered sometimes from PTSD and sometimes from blast concussions. His father developed and explosive temper, which some relatives assured him his father had not had before the war. Another had a happy-go-lucky personality but lost his ability to concentrate, couldn’t finish engineering school and ended up working as a janitor in an auto plant. One had a nervous breakdown for a few months in the 60′s but eventually recovered with help from his wife.

Maharidge blames all his father’s problems on the war, but I think there is more to it. His father came from a poor, difficult background and had suffered a lot of deprivation and stress before he was in the war. I think all these things make it harder to deal with stress later. The number of men he interviews hardly make for a statistical sample, but coming from a comfortable background before the war and having supportive wives and relatives after seem to lead to better outcomes.

He makes on interesting note at the end. His father’s anger made his childhood difficult but he credits his father for trying hard to be a good father and providing him with happy experiences. He shows a manuscript to his younger brother, who tells him that when he was young and exhibiting bad behavior, their father came into his room at night and said “I could kill you.” After that he couldn’t sleep and was terrified their father would kill him, and even as an adult has trouble sleeping. I’m sure his younger brother has a much darker view of their childhood and their father than he does.

We come into the world with certain characteristics, under certain conditions, and then the experiences of life mold us further. Ideally we are supposed to come from a good environment and go from victory to victory. If we don’t we are supposed to overcome our disadvantages and setbacks and be the heroes of our own lives. To say anything else is un-American. I think this attitude shames many people. Bad circumstances and bad experiences are a very difficult thing to overcome.

I don’t discount the amount of malicious intent out there, but I think the typical person is coping with circumstances the best they can. Hold on to your humanity, hold on to the good things in life no matter how small they are.

Penguin Boy

March 16, 2013

Long ago- before the web, I haven’t been able to find any reference to it- “60 Minutes” did a piece on carnival freaks. One person they interviewed was an old man, maybe 60′s or 70′s. He was a midget, which is to say a “little person” as they are now called whose body parts are proportionate. He had hands and feet, but no arms or legs, if you can picture that.

He appeared as “Penguin Boy” and he would come out and light a cigarette and do other stuff. He said “It wasn’t what I wanted for my life but there weren’t other options back then.”

The interviewer- Morley Safer I think- then asked him, in that pseudo-thoughtful and vaguely accusatory tone that marks every “60 Minutes” interview- “Are you a freak?” The man answered indignantly, “I am not a freak. I am a handicapped person.”

I am not a freak. I am a handicapped person.

Roosh had a bit recently on how many notches you need, as he puts it, or just how much experience you need, as you might more euphemistically put it. On one level, meeting to sex is a complete courtship, however brief. But if the woman is inclined to casual sex it may only mean you qualified for that. And you don’t necessarily have to have sex with a woman to learn a lot from her.

All that considered, you need a certain amount of experience with women to understand what’s what. But like with jobs, if you don’t have experience you can’t get a job, and if you can’t get a job you can’t get experience. It is very difficult for men with a certain set of handicaps to get experience, and due to loneliness they tend to want to have relationships rather than experience a number of women, so they tend to settle down with the first non-repulsive woman who will have them. This isn’t necessarily the best thing to do or the best kind of experience, although a lot of learning about women is having relationships.

I am still pretty distraught about my first foreign girlfriend. I really wanted it to work out with her. The story is pretty awful but the short version, the best I can figure it out is she expressed a lot of anger towards me and I just couldn’t deal with it. Maybe someday I will try to write it all down here.

I’m in the process of getting a visa for my second, current foreign girlfriend. We have a certain amount of problems but this is my last chance and all in all she is a good person and I think it can work out. My job situation is pretty grim- I have a job but the conditions are very bad. I’m hoping I can straighten things out in the next month or so.

I have had a certain amount of experience with women, but not enough to be confident wnat’s what. But how the hell was I ever supposed to be normal? I’m better off than my brother and sister, which is not saying much. They have never had sex, and my sister had one boyfriend. My brother, nothing ever as far as I can tell. My parents were pretty messed up people who probably should never have had kids. Maybe one, but my brother as the oldest got a lot of the privileges of an only child and he is possibly the least psychologically normal of the bunch.

I tell myself all the time I am doing the best I can, and have always done the best I could under the circumstances. It’s a pretty cold comfort.

Happiness Throughout Life

February 23, 2013

Here’s an article about a book, the summation of a study of the lives of some male students at Harvard, starting in 1943 and continuing to the ends of their lives.

The book sounds well worth reading. A key idea is that a happy, secure childhood with loving parents is the best assurance of a happy life. But, that is no guarantee, and things can get better over time if you had a bad childhood.

The author didn’t start the study, but picked it up as a psychiatrist in the 60′s. He had been studying recovery from heroin addiction, and was interested in what coping strategies were effective.

The article doesn’t say too much about this, but I think this is the most important thing. OK, so shit happens, but what’s the most effective way to deal with it? It mentions a lot of the guys never learned to deal with anger, and that caused them terrible career trouble. That’s been my problem in a nutshell.

Hearts in Atlantis

February 22, 2013

I like Stephen King, I think he observes people much more keenly and realistically than any “serious” or “literary” author. I saw “Hearts in Atlantis” on TV tonight- I have thought about getting the book, which I can see is different, but it was on so I watched it.

The single mother in all our conventional art and entertainment is always a sainted figure. The only bad mother I can think of was on “The Sopranos”. In “Hearts in Atlantis” though the single mother is a silly, selfish bitch.

I think having a bad mother is a really serious handicap, one of the worst. It plagued Tony Soprano to the end. I suspect David Chase had a mother like that- Mario Puzo said he based the character of the Godfather not on any Mafia guy, but his own mother. I think seriously dysfunctional mothers are a lot more common in Catholic and Jewish culture.

Workplace Advice

January 29, 2013

Hey ho. I used to like to say “The only thing worse than having a job is not having a job.” And yet now I have a job and it might be worse than not having a job. If I had a van to live in I would feel a little better about the future, but I got a four wheel drive for the snow. Roomy, but not quite roomy enough to live in.

I just saw this at Return of Kings, which is Roosh’s group blog. Good advice about how to behave and what to say at work, although because it’s aimed at betas looking to be alphas rather than omegas trying to be sigmas it’s a little different than what I have said. (I and II.) The idea is to appear pretty dull and conformist, which is what other people like; for a beta that’s cool, but I think as an omega it helps to let people know you have some other kind of life.

The Work Game II

December 31, 2012

Sex game is little good if you don’t have work game. I got a new job a few months ago, after a long time of being sporadically employed part-time. I had the opportunity to come to this place before, but as desperate as I was, I had heard bad things about this place and didn’t want to deal with it. I finally talked to them over the summer and it didn’t sound too bad, so when they called me in the fall, I went for it.

They are not bad in the way I had feared- I think they have cleaned up their act on that account over the last couple years- but are much worse in other ways I had not anticipated. Workplace bullying is a pretty normal thing, but these people take it to a whole new level. The key problem is they have a low level supervisor who does not have the experience or personal skills for the job, but has ingratiated himself to management and is determined to terrorize everyone in the company.

The stress is like a having a constant mild panic attack- for hours on end. I can’t think of a time in my life I was this stressed, except for eighth grade and when I ran away from home. I guess the worst that can happen is they fire me and I go back to living in my dad’s guest room, but at this point that would mean permanent failure for life, and losing my foreign girlfriend. The way I get through the day is I tell myself I can’t let my dad down, and I can’t let her down. I will do what I have to, as much as I can, to make that happen.

I have written a little about how to behave at work before. That post was mostly defensive in nature, but I think you need a little offense as well. I’m in a bad situation. My coping strategy is try to do the best job I can and comply with all their procedures and regulations. From what I hear and see that is impossible, and even if you do a real good job they are on you constantly.

I would like to have pithy comments to make, but I’m at the end of my rope. Somebody higher up the food chain who know’s what’s what needs to write something on work game for omegas. I don’t want to be blogging from a homeless shelter.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!


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