Penguin Boy

March 16, 2013

Long ago- before the web, I haven’t been able to find any reference to it- “60 Minutes” did a piece on carnival freaks. One person they interviewed was an old man, maybe 60’s or 70’s. He was a midget, which is to say a “little person” as they are now called whose body parts are proportionate. He had hands and feet, but no arms or legs, if you can picture that.

He appeared as “Penguin Boy” and he would come out and light a cigarette and do other stuff. He said “It wasn’t what I wanted for my life but there weren’t other options back then.”

The interviewer- Morley Safer I think- then asked him, in that pseudo-thoughtful and vaguely accusatory tone that marks every “60 Minutes” interview- “Are you a freak?” The man answered indignantly, “I am not a freak. I am a handicapped person.”

I am not a freak. I am a handicapped person.

Roosh had a bit recently on how many notches you need, as he puts it, or just how much experience you need, as you might more euphemistically put it. On one level, meeting to sex is a complete courtship, however brief. But if the woman is inclined to casual sex it may only mean you qualified for that. And you don’t necessarily have to have sex with a woman to learn a lot from her.

All that considered, you need a certain amount of experience with women to understand what’s what. But like with jobs, if you don’t have experience you can’t get a job, and if you can’t get a job you can’t get experience. It is very difficult for men with a certain set of handicaps to get experience, and due to loneliness they tend to want to have relationships rather than experience a number of women, so they tend to settle down with the first non-repulsive woman who will have them. This isn’t necessarily the best thing to do or the best kind of experience, although a lot of learning about women is having relationships.

I am still pretty distraught about my first foreign girlfriend. I really wanted it to work out with her. The story is pretty awful but the short version, the best I can figure it out is she expressed a lot of anger towards me and I just couldn’t deal with it. Maybe someday I will try to write it all down here.

I’m in the process of getting a visa for my second, current foreign girlfriend. We have a certain amount of problems but this is my last chance and all in all she is a good person and I think it can work out. My job situation is pretty grim- I have a job but the conditions are very bad. I’m hoping I can straighten things out in the next month or so.

I have had a certain amount of experience with women, but not enough to be confident wnat’s what. But how the hell was I ever supposed to be normal? I’m better off than my brother and sister, which is not saying much. They have never had sex, and my sister had one boyfriend. My brother, nothing ever as far as I can tell. My parents were pretty messed up people who probably should never have had kids. Maybe one, but my brother as the oldest got a lot of the privileges of an only child and he is possibly the least psychologically normal of the bunch.

I tell myself all the time I am doing the best I can, and have always done the best I could under the circumstances. It’s a pretty cold comfort.