I have been away from this for a long time, having been pretty preoccupied with other things. The job search has been really bad and I got seriously screwed over by one company- thousands of dollars screwed over- then I was offered a job at another place, only to have the offer withdrawn a few days later. They told me a guy on a leave of absence wanted to come back. I think he had left for another company that changed its mind about hiring him.
I had been planning to see my foreign girlfriend before starting that job, but delayed telling her because I had the feeling somehow it wasn’t a sure thing. I figured this would be a good chance to talk seriously about the future and getting a fiance visa. Then I let it slip, and she was really excited, so I used my airline miles to go see her for two and a half weeks.
But we had many problems. She is very jealous and gets angry at me very easily. We had problems before but this time it was much worse. I think she is ambivalent about the relationship and has been for a long time. I can’t blame her, as I have not had a steady job for a year and a half, and she is sick of the long distance relationship.
I just don’t know how to deal with angry, emotional women. I suppose the answer is “don’t”. I had one girlfriend who was pretty crazy, but it didn’t really bother me because I never was heavily invested in her. I had been hoping this would work out- I am sick of looking for love, it’s a difficult process and I don’t know if I can go through it again.
Matt Groening once said “Heartbreak is light and lively compared to unemployment.” I have been thinking a lot about how utterly critical decent employment is to life. I have actually made decent progress in my life when I had a job. You are relaxed and have money to spend on activities and self-improvement.
I have always wanted to get married and have kids. I have wanted to have two, but my foreign girlfriend seems pretty overwhelmed at the thought of one- she didn’t want to have kids particularly before meeting me. A sister recently had a baby, and she is crazy about him, but always talks about how hard it is with a kid.
I don’t relish the prospect of being an old bachelor. Neither my brother or sister has kids, so I wouldn’t even have a niece or nephew to visit me in the rest home. I don’t like the idea that other people fucked me up so much I can’t even complete a basic goal in life. But I guess we will see.
Hopefully I will get a job soon but the job market seems to me to have changed permanently for the worse. There are fewer jobs and they pay less. But you are lucky to have any job. I go to these job seeker groups, and they all tell you to network. But the only people you can network with are other people looking for jobs.
Well, there’s a little grim news from Omega Man to darken your day. Hopefully I’ll have something more positive in the near future.