Single In The Suburbs? Nutty Tales From Dating Hell

February 27, 2011

Dalrock posted this-

I can’t think of much to say. If you date this woman- by “this woman” I mean the generic equivalent- she will give you a lot of attitude and may make you wish you had just stayed home. Fuck her if you can and leave it at that. If she won’t fuck you or gives you attitude don’t worry about it.

MRA bloggers or game bloggers or whatever guys are always going on about women divorcing their husbands. But the truth is a lot of people are miserable being married. Men avoid divorce, I supposed, because of the cost, separation from children and maybe because they can substitute other things in their life for marital bliss. Women don’t have these costs, so why shouldn’t they, from the cold standpoint of self-interest, get divorced?

The problem is if you’re miserable being married to one person, quite likely you’ll be miserable married to another. Marriage is not for everybody. If a woman isn’t satisfied with the man she was able to get when was younger, better looking, and childless, why does she think she’ll do better as a 45 year old with a torn-up body and two kids?

There isn’t any gold at the end of the rainbow. There isn’t any end to the rainbow, it’s an optical phenomenon, not a physical object. But women are sold different dreams than men. A 45 year old guy knows he’s not going to be a baseball player, and he knows he’s not even going to be president of the company. But why a middle-aged woman thinks Fabio is out there waiting for her, I don’t know.


Did I Kill My Mother?

February 27, 2011

I got along real poorly with my mother from about the age of 13 until her death when I was 18. I think about her a lot, usually in a negative way.

I was thinking the other day, and the thought popped into my head- did I kill her? My behavior became problematic at around 13 and continued to be bad until 15. We never really sat down and hashed out our differences- my dad didn’t let on she was terminal until she was out of it.

My mother had a pretty disappointing life. Things went bad for our family when my dad lost his government job. He was out of work and going to school for a few years, and then we moved to a new area and he got into another career with less pay and prestige. She lost her social circle and her sense of social status and she had to go back to work.

During this time she developed colon cancer, got a late diagnosis and a colostomy, and then died. Maybe having an angry, misbehaving boy who rejected the thing most precious to her- her religion- put her over the edge. If she had possessed a little more insight, it might have occurred to her I was angry and misbehaving because she wouldn’t help me and her religion demanded unrealistic things of me, but she was not a person inclined toward introspection about such things.

Fundamentally I was a big disappointment to her. (I’m a big disappointment to a lot of other people, but that’s another story.) She came from a family of socially skilled, aggressive and successful people. She had a much more reserved personality than her two brothers and one sister, but was still quite good with people. My brother and sister are a lot more along her line, so their difficulties and failings in life come from other factors.

I on the other hand take after my father. He is quite quiet and reserved, although with people outside the family he opens up in a very charming way. He was actually popular in high school, but he went to an all-boys prep school with upper-middle class boys (although he himself came from a poor family) where a guy like that could be sort of a mascot for the cool guys.

If my mother was disappointed in me, and I’m just like my father, what does that say about their relationship? I think she was disappointed in him too.

I think my mother was ashamed of my geekiness and lack of ability to cope with bullies with social skills. A person like that was a loser in her book. And then the loser stole stuff, ran away from home and refused to go to church any more. Maybe I was the death of her.

But I can’t be responsible for her. Life holds no guarantees, especially with children. And if I caused her a lot of heartburn, well, she caused me a lot of heartburn. And she was an adult and I was a helpless child under her care, so I have more reason to be put out.

I’m not generally into Freudian stuff, but the first relationship with a woman a boy has is with his mother. The Spearhead has this post on dealing with women’s manipulations-

My mother was a very manipulative, passive-aggressive person. My brother has this characteristic also. She could do so much with just a hurt look……. But like I said, I’m a disappointment to a lot of people. Get in line, Mom.

Go In Cold? Or Go To A Party?

February 9, 2011

Roosh compares the merits of cold approaching versus getting to know women socially-

Advice on getting women skews heavily to what gamers call social circle game. Don’t go after women in bars, people say; it’s hopeless. Join a club, go to friend’s party, go to church, and meet a nice girl, not some alcoholic skank with herpes.

Superficially this sounds right. Women in bars are often pretty cold and hostile. Women at other places should be more socially matched with you and more open due to some social proof. And yet I think Roosh is a lot more right than wrong.

He explains it mainly in terms of numbers; but there are other aspects in my experience, which might not apply to him. One is social circle game is very hard for introverts. Getting involved with a group and then making a lot of friends is really hard. And it’s tedious and boring if you really don’t want to be involved in the activity for it’s own sake. (Grerp had a scathing, and realistic appraisal of church groups for women.) Another is that if meeting women is even part of your agenda of being at the group women are likely to be really offended if you approach them and they aren’t interested. This is stupid because these are the exact type of women who would tell a nerdy guy he should join a club to meet women. Getting blown off by a homely woman you wouldn’t look twice at in any other circumstance is a worse blow to the ego than getting blown off by a cute woman in a bar. And you will probably never see the woman again, and if you do you’ll just ignore each other, while with a woman in your social circle you may be embarrassed in front of people you don’t want to be embarrassed in front of, and word will get around.

If you can overcome the anxiety of cold approaching women- I admit I haven’t, and don’t know if I ever will- you can approach the women you want and avoid a great deal of footsie and other bullshit. Anxiety is a strange thing. It’s a horrible, dreadful feeling, but confronted and experienced it goes away pretty easily. And as Winston Churchill said, there is nothing quite like the exhilaration of being shot at with no effect.

On the other hand, being shot at with effect really sucks, which is why I don’t cold approach. Someday I’ll take my own advice.

The Paradox Of Experience

February 9, 2011

Virgle Kent talks about the value of experience-

As I have said before, “game” is no mystery. Everything about game is perfectly obvious to a guy who has a lot of experience with women. A guy who had a lot of experience with women would read something about game, look past the mumbo-jumbo and say “Duh, no shit.” If you don’t have experience with women, the concepts may seem strange, confusing, and counterintuitive, possibly to the extent you can’t apply them.

Ideally speaking a guy would start out early. He would have sex when he was 13, no later than 14, and have sex with a lot of women in high school. (I read a book called “The Complete Asshole’s Guide To Women” that suggests a guy should have a steady girlfriend throughout high school to practice sex, and then have sex with a bunch of different women in college.) He should have a couple of steady girlfriends, and a couple of serious girlfriends, who fall deeply in love with him and then he torments callously before dumping them. In college, or the same years if he doesn’t go to college, again lots of women. He should at some point- probably with the serious girlfriends- make some effort at making a woman happy, and balancing the alpha/beta traits like Married Man Sex Life talks about.

Having done all this a guy can go into adulthood and have the kinds of relationships he wants with women, ranging from casual sex to marriage, and understand the female psyche and how to manage it. Nothing any woman does will surprise him, because women aren’t really that complicated and they are remarkably similar across race, class and culture lines- “the colonel’s lady and Rosie O’Grady are sisters under the skin” as Kipling said.

There are a few of those guys. Most of us are not that guy. The average guy gets a little experience with women but not enough to understand their behavior- leading to the widespread belief women are mysterious and irrational- or overcome his social conditioning to behave in a beta or white-knight fashion.

There are worse things than being an omega. I was reading the other day that more and more young people are winding up in nursing homes- there was a guy who had been shot in the neck by his brother and was a quadriplegic. There is a guy in a wheelchair I see often at the coffee place I go to. He can’t really use his hands or talk- the girls who work there seem to be able to understand what he wants- and I have no doubt that on my worst day he would change places with me in a flash. If you’re older, without sexual experience and not sure where to begin, this is cold comfort. But still, inventory your situation, count your blessings however humble they may seem, and see where to go.

I look at the casual encounters ads on craigslist all the time. Even the fat sluts on craigslist have certain standards. “Have a car, a job and your own place” are common requirements. The last craigslist hookup I had knew I didn’t have my own place, but that was dicey. If you don’t have these things, concentrate on getting them first.

Having your own place, a car and a job, your problem becomes what is the least desirable woman you can get it up for. Roosh just had something on the perils of bad breath; the first woman I tried to have sex with without paying had heinous breath, and hair on her upper lip to boot. (Somebody needs to tell women, especially those over 35, this is a real boner-killer. We in the manosphere know women rarely get negative feedback, even when they really need it, but I’ll leave that subject to the Spearhead.) I tried to stay away from her mouth, to keep my erection, but then she’d kiss me and it would shrivel. The problem being an awkward guy without experience with women may not be able to get desirable or even average women; you might land a hottie but I’m guessing your early experiences will be with unattractive women.

If you find yourself in the same situation I was in, I wouldn’t worry too much. You got her to the point where she was willing to have sex with you; now try the same thing on a somewhat better looking woman, and you will eventually be able to get it in.

But there is simply no alternative to having experience with as many women as you can. If you have some catch-up to do, get a few under your belt and you will have it much easier.