Hearts in Atlantis

February 22, 2013

I like Stephen King, I think he observes people much more keenly and realistically than any “serious” or “literary” author. I saw “Hearts in Atlantis” on TV tonight- I have thought about getting the book, which I can see is different, but it was on so I watched it.

The single mother in all our conventional art and entertainment is always a sainted figure. The only bad mother I can think of was on “The Sopranos”. In “Hearts in Atlantis” though the single mother is a silly, selfish bitch.

I think having a bad mother is a really serious handicap, one of the worst. It plagued Tony Soprano to the end. I suspect David Chase had a mother like that- Mario Puzo said he based the character of the Godfather not on any Mafia guy, but his own mother. I think seriously dysfunctional mothers are a lot more common in Catholic and Jewish culture.

Workplace Advice

January 29, 2013

Hey ho. I used to like to say “The only thing worse than having a job is not having a job.” And yet now I have a job and it might be worse than not having a job. If I had a van to live in I would feel a little better about the future, but I got a four wheel drive for the snow. Roomy, but not quite roomy enough to live in.

I just saw this at Return of Kings, which is Roosh’s group blog. Good advice about how to behave and what to say at work, although because it’s aimed at betas looking to be alphas rather than omegas trying to be sigmas it’s a little different than what I have said. (I and II.) The idea is to appear pretty dull and conformist, which is what other people like; for a beta that’s cool, but I think as an omega it helps to let people know you have some other kind of life.

The Work Game II

December 31, 2012

Sex game is little good if you don’t have work game. I got a new job a few months ago, after a long time of being sporadically employed part-time. I had the opportunity to come to this place before, but as desperate as I was, I had heard bad things about this place and didn’t want to deal with it. I finally talked to them over the summer and it didn’t sound too bad, so when they called me in the fall, I went for it.

They are not bad in the way I had feared- I think they have cleaned up their act on that account over the last couple years- but are much worse in other ways I had not anticipated. Workplace bullying is a pretty normal thing, but these people take it to a whole new level. The key problem is they have a low level supervisor who does not have the experience or personal skills for the job, but has ingratiated himself to management and is determined to terrorize everyone in the company.

The stress is like a having a constant mild panic attack- for hours on end. I can’t think of a time in my life I was this stressed, except for eighth grade and when I ran away from home. I guess the worst that can happen is they fire me and I go back to living in my dad’s guest room, but at this point that would mean permanent failure for life, and losing my foreign girlfriend. The way I get through the day is I tell myself I can’t let my dad down, and I can’t let her down. I will do what I have to, as much as I can, to make that happen.

I have written a little about how to behave at work before. That post was mostly defensive in nature, but I think you need a little offense as well. I’m in a bad situation. My coping strategy is try to do the best job I can and comply with all their procedures and regulations. From what I hear and see that is impossible, and even if you do a real good job they are on you constantly.

I would like to have pithy comments to make, but I’m at the end of my rope. Somebody higher up the food chain who know’s what’s what needs to write something on work game for omegas. I don’t want to be blogging from a homeless shelter.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Some More Comments on Krauser’s History

December 7, 2012

A few days ago I made some comments on Krauser’s history of game, but I would like to expand on that.

He starts out with the highly technical breakdown of initial interaction between strangers he calls “Aspy game”. I have never appreciated this kind of analysis. I like technical things, but with machines, not people. My greatest thing in life is to be in the moment, to be so wrapped up in an activity that it demands all my senses and all my intellect. I like any kind of adrenaline activity, with machines or not. I have a lot of trouble analyzing interaction in this way or thinking of people in dispassionate way.

But, “any interaction that doesn’t involve getting laughed at and their head flushed down the toilet” is an accomplishment for a lot of guys, and the ability to have an interaction for some time that doesn’t get immediately cut off in a cold dismissal.

For some reason, my mind jumps to my military terrorism training. (The fact that pickup and terrorism are closely associated in my mind shows how screwed up I am, but in my formative years I dealt with a lot of social terrorism, so it’s not so strange.) If you are taken hostage, we were told, be friendly and conversant with your captors, while not denigrating your own side or taking theirs. The idea was that they would see you as a human being, and that would make it harder for them to kill you.

The real point of any human interaction, it seems to be, is to show your own humanity and experience that of the other. Technical game seems to scrupulously avoid that. A lot of human interaction avoids that. On the other hand, a lot of people when they see the real me think I’m an asshole, so I can see the value in this. For meeting basic needs- like succeeding at a job interview or a sales call, or for that matter getting sex- this is desirable and necessary. Once you’ve gotten laid a few times, just doing it doesn’t appeal that much, or doesn’t to me anyway. But as Krauser points out, these guys weren’t getting laid, so that was what they wanted- to conceal the self that might be rejected and project a self that would be accepted.

He next goes on to criticize- a little more harshly it seems- “natural game” as characterized by Real Social Dynamics. I have seen some of “The Blueprint Decoded” and it’s very powerful on some level. Regardless of what Krauser says, social interactions do occur in a frame and that frame is flexible to some extent. He’s right that some of these things, like AMOGing in my opinion, are childish and obnoxious. You can have your own frame without busting up someone else’s. The typical social frame that a low- to middle-status male who would be interested in game would encounter however is that he is not an important or worthwhile person and should shut up and keep to himself around the cool people. I don’t see anything wrong with kicking that kind of game in the balls, but just because people can’t beat you up as an adult isn’t reason to go up to a group of people and goof on the biggest guy. I think the thing that good persuaders do is maintain their own strong frame while respecting that of others. That takes a lot of inner strength to do, but it’s a worthy goal.

He doesn’t say much about what he calls “Asshole Game” or what might be best termed “Roissy Game”. Roissy game is at base pretty simple modeling- how does the cool guy who gets the girls act, why, and how to act like that. He sees Roissy game as obsessively antagonistic but I think that’s a product of where Roissy is- Washington, DC where there are a lot of women who are very proud of their education, jobs and resulting percieved status, women who by virtue of working there are obsessed with power above all else. I’ll bet women in DC are even tougher nuts to crack than women in Manhattan, who probably have more aesthetic and hedonic sense. With any woman you are going to have to be more dominant than her, and if you are dealing with power and status obsessed women, you will have to act accordingly.

He quickly moves on to what he calls “Galt Game”, maybe best characterized these days by Roosh, who is traveling the world having sex with foreign women with no intention of every coming back. “Galt Game” is of little practical value to most men, and as Krauser points out can be positively dangerous. An older guy with marketable job skills may be able to relocate overseas and live well, but a young guy can lose out on critical years of development and be forced to come back home to bad prospects. In Israel there is a tradition of young people going backpacking for a year, after they leave mandatory military service and before starting college. In Britain they have what they call a “gap year”.  Going out and seeing the world on the cheap for a year as a young person is a great idea, and it’s a big status thing as well. An older guy going out to teach English for an indefinite period is looking at a grim future.

All these things have some value, and all have some drawbacks. All of them are promoted unrealistically, because that’s what people how promote things do, make them sound better than they really are. What you can do will have some hard limit you can’t surpass, and while you shouldn’t expect or shoot for too much, don’t shoot for or expect too little either. Finding where that limit is a worthy goal, but the experience and the journey is a goal in itself.

I have said it before and I will say it again- what you need most as an omega is a set of portable technical job skills that pay reasonably well and don’t depend on your personality. Computer skills or something like aircraft mechanics are an example. If they are valuable in the US, they will probably be valuable elsewhere. If this interests you, get the training and get some experience and then look at the possibilities overseas.

The most important things for omegas are objective value creation and inner game. First you need functional job skills, functional job social skills, and decent clothes. Then you need good exercise, health and nutrition. Then you need an enjoyable personal life, hobbies and activities that serve no other purpose than to make you happy.

The implied message of game is a pretty bad one, that your value as a human being and your ability to be happy depends on the acceptance of other people, especially women, and you should be prepared to do pretty much anything to get that. I don’t believe that, and I hope you don’t either. At the same time, we do need acceptance from others, if only to survive. We need acceptance from women to get sex, a basic human need that is not met by pornography and masturbation. If that acceptance is based on being phony and manipulative, well that only makes us like most other people.

I think RSD “The Blueprint Decoded” is right in that there is a great deal of power in being real, and beyond that it’s the happiest way to be. Be yourself- be what you have to be, and to the extent you have a choice, what you really want to be- and then choose to be around people, women and others, who like that person.

Demystifying Women

December 6, 2012

In my peripatetic reading, I came across a poem by Jonathan Swift, “The Lady’s Dressing Room“. A guy (or fellow, or chap, or whatever they called a guy in England 300 years ago) wonders what the hell his girlfriend is doing in all the interminable time she spends getting ready, so when she is out and her maid is out, he sneaks in and looks over all her stuff. He finds instead of being a delicate flower, she is actually just as gross as a guy, with all her dirty clothes, snot-covered handkerchiefs and weird makeup goop.

This disillusions him, and he can’t look at a pretty woman again without thinking of how gross she really is underneath. At the end, Swift says the guy shouldn’t be so ruined by having his illusion punctured, but realize that women like flowers grow in dung.

It’s not hard to understand that like men, women get dirty, sweat and have bodily functions that produce disgusting effluent. But there is something deeper here- I’m not entirely sure Swift intended this, but he is considered a great writer so maybe he did. “Game” is all about the base motivations women have for doing things and how to take advantage of this. Reading over and over again- and seeing by the evidence- that a lot of women like arrogant douches and you have to be careful not to be too nice to them has a discouraging effect. How can you enjoy being with a woman who wants to be with a douche, wants you to act like a douche and rewards you for it?

There is a part at the end of “Life on the Mississippi” by Mark Twain where the young riverboat mate, having learned every detail of the river, every sandbar and submerged tree, worries that he has lost his appreciation for its beauty. Everything consists of an aesthetic, enjoyable and even romantic aspect, and a practical aspect, and the two can’t be separated. If you want the enjoyment and sense of achievement of piloting a riverboat on the Mississippi, you have to know its hazards and difficulties, or your journey will come to a quick end. If you want to have a relationship with a woman, you have to understand her behavior, even and especially its base and dark side. And, not get too discouraged by it. Or too cynical about it.

The History of Game, The Collapse of the Manosphere, and the Future of My Blog

December 1, 2012

Krauser has a great overview of the history of game. Game actually goes back farther, the original PUA being Eric Weber and his mail-order book, “How to Pick Up Girls”. Back in those days, a few other books of this type were available in the same way, sold through ads magazines oriented towards men. R. Don Steele got into this, then his arch-nemesis Ross Jeffries, and then many more largely inspired by Ross Jeffries.

There is an endless appetite for this kind of stuff. I spent some early years of my adulthood trying to succeed as a salesman. I was a terrible salesman with no talent or potential for it, as are the majority of people who go into sales. Nevertheless there were (and are) thousands of writers and speakers promising to let you in on the secrets of success as a salesman.

For absolutely nothing, I’ll let you in on the secret of being a super-successful salesman. Have a charismatic, alpha personality. To be an average salesman, have a moderately friendly/likeable personality, and work the numbers like a dog. I knew one guy, a totally bland, introverted accountant, who succeeded in commercial real estate by just grinding out the cold calls. I have more respect for that guy than anybody else I knew in sales, because he just sucked it up and did it, something people love to talk about- it’s even the Nike slogan- but few do.

My problem was my bad history with people made this too terrifying, and occasionally I would get somebody nasty and it would really throw me off. But still, I wish I had been stronger inside.

I think the typical modestly successful PUA falls into the second category. He is a normal, average guy who is OK to look at, OK to talk to, and he goes out and talks to lots and lots of women. With enough numbers, he gets laid occasionally. A lot of what is called game technique is depersonalizing the interaction- not treating the “prospect” and important or valuable in herself, and not regarding a negative outcome as a verdict on you personally. Salesmen have to do this- they spend all day talking to people, many of whom are having a bad day, or looking for somebody they don’t have to be nice to to dump on, and the salesman is a convenient target. Or even when people are nice, hearing “no” all day is pretty draining.

On the other hand, if you are looking for a personal intimate relationship this is probably not healthy. You have your armor on, but when do you take it off?

Sales training has been around for a long time, and there are different schools and philosophies. Occasionally a guy comes out with a new book claiming some new innovation. I originally encountered neuro-linguistic programming in sales training in the early 90’s- it started out as a uman potential thing, or a new technique for therapists, but quickly got picked up by sales trainers and then Ross Jeffries. As Krauser points out, this formal breakdown of interaction has been put aside for other things, I suspect mainly because it is so unnatural for most people, he calls it “aspy” game.

The one big limiting factor is how much rejection you can take. If you are a salesman or PUA and can take an unlimited amount of rejection, you will have some success, if only on a numbers basis. The correct answer is that you shouldn’t be a pussy and you should make as many calls/approaches as is necessary to make a sale or get the notch. The truth is everybody has a limit. Succeeding as a PUA requires making hundreds or thousands of approaches. Frankly, if you can do this you don’t really need any technique at all. If you approach enough women, some will be willing to fuck you, and when you have fucked a certain number of women, you automatically become more attractive to women and more will fuck you. Many women want a guy with a lot of sexual experience, and they can tell how much you have.

It has been noted various places that many PUA blogs, and many manosphere blogs, are disappearing. The thing about a blog is at some point you may run out of things to say. If you are not eager to be publicly identified, as most guys writing this stuff aren’t, you may be exposed, or come close to being exposed, and decide to back away. The hardcore audience for this stuff is fairly limited. Most guys don’t worry too much about it, and those who do will always be moving on the next big thing. Here is a fairly vicious attack on all things (or most things) PUA, which reflects most of the negative attitudes toward it. I’m not familiar with the rivalries involved, which probably isn’t important, since there have been various vicious rivalries from the beginning. I have made my own critique of various “gurus”. Like anything else, take what is helpful and useful, and leave the rest.

I have been busy with other things, and not on writing about my life and the ideas it gives me. To some extent I have said what I want to say. Another frustrating thing is that without Bardimu, it is hard to get people to come here. Bardimu was the Matt Drudge of the politically incorrect, and provided people who wanted to read about things from a different angle, and it hurt a lot of bloggers to lose that source of readers. But he didn’t want to risk exposure, a basic reason to stop blogging, and I suspect the end of his Sunday links page caused a lot of other people to hang it up.

I recently started a new job, so I’m more interested in work issues right now. I’m technically very proficient, but still worried about interacting with management, other employees and customers. I first would like to do some more specific comments on the things Krauser talked about, and I think I will make that my next post.

I want to continue this because no one addressed the practical realities in life of a low-status male. Everyone wants to be high-status, or put on a show of being high-status, but the idea of acknowledging and coping with low status is taboo. But I prefer reality be addressed.

An Isolated Man

November 15, 2012

I got into the HBO series “Boardwalk Empire” on Netflix. It’s not that great, but it’s interesting and well-written, with some interesting characters.

The one who resounds with me is Richard Harrow. For those of you unfamiliar, he was a sniper in WWI and at some point had his left eye shot out and the left side of his face and mouth severely damaged. He wears a sort of half-mask mounted on a pair of glasses to cover it. He meets one of the main bootlegging characters, Jimmy Darmody, at a veterans hospital and becomes a killer for him.

Harrow is isolated from others by his facial deformity- I was reading recently people have a sort of programmed reaction to this, like they would to a person with a contagious disease. He’s also isolated by his experiences in the war. But more fundamentally, he seems to be the sort of intellectual, introverted person who has difficulty with the constant phoniness of human interaction. In the end he is left with no purpose but to fight for his friends, criminals though they are.

At least he has some friends.