Social Sorting And Matching By Women

May 30, 2011

Scott Adams speculate about why people love video games and thinks that one of the things women instinctively do is screen men for defects that would make them unsuitable as mates. He says women like Tetris, a video game I know, and mahjong, a game with tiles I know only from its mention in Mad magazine.

I think women do sort men for reproductive fitness. Women who are older and not looking to have kids are willing to accept a man who is not the alpha male of game legend; I think this accounts for essentially all my relationships. But I think there is something deeper going on here.

I think these games are more about patterns than defects; women are more sensitive to lack of harmony or disorganization than men. They like sorting and arranging things, but they like sorting and arranging people more.

This affects social relations a great deal; men are focused on a goal, and organize themselves to meet that goal. Only as much harmony and organization as are necessary for the group to function are required. Women on the other hand must have a high degree of harmony and organization first; the task is almost secondary.

MRAs complain any organization that contains women will eventually become female-oriented, and I think this is true. The military, or the combat part anyway, is almost all male, and teaches a very goal-oriented, and very effective method, of getting things done. (The few females who were around that I encountered created a great deal of chaos.) When I went into the civilian world, with about a 50/50 mix, these methods seemed to be completely rejected by everyone; not only were they not accepted, they actually seemed offended by it.

I’m not talking about screaming at people, I’m talking about “OK this is what we need to do; you do this, you do this, and you do this. Any questions?” In the civilian world, the rule seemed to be you are friends with your employees, and because they like you and you are their friend they do their jobs. The idea that they are being paid and thus should do their jobs whether they like them or not or whether they like you or not seemed to be regarded as unbearably fascist.

With enough women in the environment, harmony seems to take first place. The way a woman sees it, everyone she has social contact must fit together somehow; on the other hand people she doesn’t have social contact with, and who are below her, don’t exist.

The bsocially unskilled male approach to relationships is goal-oriented. I’m attracted to this woman; I should persuade her I’m a good guy, and she should have a relationship with me. What a nerd thinks a woman would like is entirely different from what a woman actually likes, but that’s another subject.

The Mystery Method talks about establishing attraction, then comfort. I think my mistake- and the typical omega mistake- is to try to establish comfort first. This is called “being polite”, or “being nice”, and it is something my mother had me do on pain of death.

The reason this doesn’t work is that as far as a woman is concerned, a man of lower status than her, with whom she does not have a defined relationship, simply does not exist. She is dimly aware of lower status women, because she must rank herself against other women; but this doesn’t apply to men.

That doesn’t mean such men won’t approach her, especially if her appearance is average or above. I’m thinking of the 50-year-old virgin, who related a story of making a comment to a woman in an appliance store, and who was aggressively rude to him. This is the infamous “Bitch Shield”. His blog is gone, but what she said was more of less, “Do you work here? No? Then why are you talking to me?”

Let me make an aside here- and say that what we think of as female virtues are actually male virtues, and projected to women as part of the female supremacy project started in the Victorian era. We are taught that women are polite; but politeness is actually a way that lower and higher status men relate, or men who don’t know each other relate.

What was happening here was that 50YOV, not having immediately established himself as a high status man, had to be categorized by the woman into one of two categories- a store employee, who would be low status but possibly useful, or any other low status man, who should not approach her, speak to her or even look at her.

I don’t think a lot of men understand this, because men don’t have a category of social non-existence. All men are at least dimly aware that every person serves some kind of purpose, and fills some role in the greater scheme of things.

The process of establishing a relationship with a woman is largely a matter of evading disqualification, or “Fuckup Avoidance Game” as Roissy calls it. That’s why attraction comes first; if the woman is not motivated to talk to you, you enter the category of social non-existence. Low status men are in the habit of being polite, because as a low status person you must signal that you are cooperative and not going to rock the boat; but as a consequence of this, women regard politeness a sign of low status and grounds for immediate dismissal. Even betas figure this out at an early age; it confused and upset me as an adolescent that girls giggled and got excited at what appeared to me to be rude, goofy behavior from guys, but that’s just how the game is played.

Still, something called “comfort” has to come after attraction has been established, but this isn’t being nice or polite either. After a woman has decided you are a man she should relate to socially- that is, a man of higher status than her- she must fit you into her network of social relations. She has to determine he isn’t a physical or social threat to her, that he will not cause her embarrassment or trouble, and he is a potential boyfriend of some sort.

And this is a sorting game. For the woman to have fun with it, it should be challenging but not frustrating. With  a beta the game is easy, because she knows he will behave appropriately to her mom, her friends, and whoever else she may need to display him to.

With an alpha, it’s harder but a lot more exciting and fun. Alphas are rare creatures- in any given social environment there can only be one real, actual alpha, as opposed to someone who displays alpha characteristics, which is what we’re talking about 99% of the time when we use the term- and bringing one into a new social environment is sure to stir things up. Will he try to fuck her friends? Will her try to fuck her mom? Will dismiss her father’s or her brother’s opinions on football? He might be a dick and make her look bad, or he might be exciting and charming and raise her social status significantly with her family and friends  by proxy. This is the ideal outcome.

Women actually love ambiguity, because it adds to the excitement. This is why you want to be vague about the future of the relationship as much as you can.

The fundamental rule as always is that women are different from men and like and respond to different things.

A Sad Story Of Marriage

May 27, 2011

I troll the online dating sites, mainly for practice in interacting with women than hope I will get anything out of it. I have only found one woman where I was able to go over to her place and have sex with her.

I met this one woman, mid-40’s, not thin obviously but didn’t look bad. I chatted with her and after exchanging some emails had lunch with her the other day. This is her story.

She married a guy and became a stay at home mom. They had two kids, now in high school. The guy obviously did quite well for himself financially- she mentioned they had owned a large and expensive boat. They guy had an affair which precipitated their legal separation. She mentioned her daughter had “found the panties in the dryer”, although why the guy was doing his girlfriend’s laundry, or how her underwear got mixed up with his stuff, I don’t know.

The thing was while she probably was never exactly thin and hot, she had kind of let herself go. In her pictures she looked nice to OK; but she had put on some more weight. What she looked like at the point of the divorce, I don’t know, but probably not that good.

This looks like a textbook example of Athol Kay’s sex rank in marriage. Hers went down, his went up. At the point of the discovery of the panties, she might have thought to take a deep breath and say “My husband is fucking another woman. Maybe I need to get back in shape and kiss his ass to keep him happy. This is a painful blow to my ego but for various reasons it is better to preserve the marriage.” But she got divorced instead.

She went from being a very affluent housewife to working a really crappy job that she can’t quit. The family had a large boat- by which I mean the kind you can spend the weekend on- and her husband must have been a pretty alpha guy. Now she’s meeting me, a broke omega. I’m decent-looking and good company, but I’m guessing in a lot of ways a big comedown from her ex.

Or maybe there was nothing she could do. Maybe the guy was just determined to trade in for a newer model. She enjoyed his alphaness while she could, and now another woman will. Still I have learned that hanging on to what you have is at least as important as reaching for something better.

“State”- A Critical, If Not THE Critical Component Of Game

May 26, 2011

Commenter Robert K writes, with reference to the post “Expanding Your Comfort Zone- Sports And Hobbies”-

“I am a bit like Matt T in that I was never good at team sports – mainly because I am an Aspie. I used to be very wimpy as well and people used to give me shit all the time. In the last few years I have taken up weightlifting and now look stronger. People don’t give me shit anymore. I am still way too socially handicapped to do well with women but at least people treat me with a lot of respect now. Even if it is the “be nice to me or I will beat the crap out of you” kind of respect, it is respect nonetheless.

Does this make me less Omega than before?”

Here is something really important. Having success with women, particularly for the omega, is largely a matter of getting into a state where you feel relaxed, not stressed or worried, and comfortable with yourself. All success with women stems from this feeling of relaxed satisfaction- I don’t think it’s the same as this thing pop psychologists call “confidence” and are always touting, but it serves the same purpose.

Roissy talked about this awhile back, in the context of weightlifting increasing testosterone. Building muscle may increase testosterone, give you a feeling of accomplishment, make you feel more attractive, but it’s not really important. It makes you feel good and feel relaxed, and that’s what’s important.

Robert describes himself as still socially unskilled, but social adeptness is overrated, I think, in success with women. Pop psychology recognizes it as important because it’s a female trait. Omegas think it is important, decry themselves for lack of it, and always want more, because reading other people socially is important to the survival of the low in status. And yet success with women- and positive relationships with others- really rest more on what you project to them, rather than reading and reacting to their behavior.

With regard to the “Aspie” part- I find that “normal” women have little ability to read, understand, or sympathize with my emotional state, so maybe women are the real “Aspies”. The idea that men should be highly attuned to the feelings of women is typical female selfishness.

Funny But True Department

May 24, 2011

Roosh has a bunch or these up- but this is my favorite-

There is no need to suffer, too much anyway, for the sake of proving a point, proving yourself, or saving airfare and bar fines. The scuba diving is supposed to be great also.


May 22, 2011

Sheila objected in a recent comment when I brought up NAWALT- “not all women are like that”- bringing up this objection usually implies that yes, all women are like that.

All women are like that. And all men are like that. But let me address these individually.

By “all women are like that” it is meant all women are predisposed to respond positively to alpha behavior, even if it is directed negatively at them. I believe this is the case, as a simple matter of biological programming. I’ll use an extreme, anecdotal example- it will be objected that the evidence is anecdotal, and that not all women are like that– but enough anecdotal evidence stops being anecdotal, and becomes a deep pool of data.

My sister is a 50 year old virgin, a strict Catholic and the very definition of a “nice girl”- she’s so nice she’s never fucked anybody. Once she mentioned a guy in her organization- some kind of a department head she deals only tangentially with on occasion- that he was an arrogant jerk, and yet she was “involuntarily attracted.” She used the term like it was something that women experience on an infrequent but ongoing basis. So if she feels it, women in general feel it. Women respond to dominant behavior, and whether it’s antisocial or negative towards them doesn’t seem to matter much.

The degree to which this is true varies a great deal, depending on the psychological situation of the woman, but it is always there. If your ethics prohibit you from antisocial behavior, dominant behavior doesn’t have to be antisocial. Somebody once said for nature to be commanded, it must first be obeyed. Accepting this as a characteristic of women is necessary. If you want to have a relationship with a woman you are going to have to show a certain amount of alpha traits.

Men are a more complicated case. Womens’ complaints about men will either be that they are too macho, or too wimpy. Well, what the hell do they want? Which one? As Athol Kay explains, an ongoing relationship with a woman requires a balance of both. The perfect man, like the perfect woman is very hard to find. Men by genetics and socialization will usually fall on one side or another.

I think the first step for women in dealing with this is being honest with themselves. Sandra Tsing Loh and her “kitchen bitch” husband aside, women will rarely complain about an excessively beta man. They will criticize other behavior, to make it look like they are complaining about alpha behavior, which while desirable is not supposed to be desired by middle class women.

If a man is showing excessive alpha traits- not being caring, romantic, whatever- he may just not care, or he may feel he doesn’t need to do these things, or he may feel doing them makes him look weak. I guess the correct answer is if you want somebody to do something, ask them, and if the relationship depends on it, say so. I don’t know if that works in real life. Real players know to give women enough romantic gestures to keep them from going crazy and leaving, but to keep them wanting more. A woman with a guy like this will have real difficulty.

If the guy shows a lack of assertiveness and backbone, he is probably a combination of genetically non-aggressive and socialization for non-aggressiveness. A woman with a guy like this can probably just tell him to be more assertive and he’ll do it. “Testing” him- trying to provoke him to be assertive with bad behavior- is a recipe for disaster, but that seems to be what a lot of women do.

Funny Story

May 19, 2011

I’m posting a lot because I got back from a period of female interaction, which has perhaps pumped me up other bad news aside, and because I had restricted internet access, and because I’m avoiding tedious but important things.

I’m at one of those hipster cupcake places and I swear there is a girl here who likes me. She was checking me out a little last time I was here, and I caught her doing it again. She’s not objectively good-looking- she has kind of a recessed chin and a prominent nose- but she has this skinny geek chick thing going that turns me on. Nerd glasses, tattoos- I swear I’m going to make a move. Hold me to it.

This place is owned by a lesbian and I think many of the people who work here are gay (although I don’t think this girl is.) It got me thinking about girls who go both ways. I met a self-described “queer” woman once, and it struck me that while she probably spent most of her time with women, she would not pass up an alpha cock when she had the chance.

The funny story is I have a semi-natural friend- who I call semi-natural because he scores easily with ugly and old women- who told me a story of a lesbian he used to fuck occasionally. He has a lot of stories like this- I tell him he should write the story of his life as a picaresque- and I have no reason to believe he would lie, but then truth is stranger than fiction.

He was living in southern California, and would sometimes go out to Palm Springs- a big gay area- with a friend who had a girlfriend out there. The girlfriend had a lesbian friend who occasionally liked to get fucked. This is not supposed to happen, but the study of game has brought out the twisted nature of female sexuality.

So, he occasionally serviced a lesbian. The funny part is he would insist he suck his dick first, and although she hated it, he would not relent, and she would comply. That’s not even really the funny part; he didn’t say “Suck my dick!”, he would just point to his dick, saying nothing. She would resist, but he would point insistently, and she would relent, craving his man meat in her vagina.

Human beings are driven by strange and powerful desires, only slightly controlled by a thin veneer of civilization. We must never forget this. It has been said that nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed.

Frame Control With The Swinging Czech Brothers

May 19, 2011

The Swinging Czech Brothers were an ongoing bit by Steve Martin and Dan Aykroyd on Saturday Night Live, around the late 70’s or early 80’s. This seems to be the only clip of it on YouTube-

The gag was always the same- the brothers are clueless and weird, but are always successful in the end. This is always due to some deus ex machina, if I remember right, but the important thing is they always maintain their frame- they are cool guys sure to be successful at meeting women.

Being low status means being forced to accept the reality of the powerful. This reality must be coped with, especially at work, but it need not be accepted. You’re doing your thing, you have your shit together, you’re enjoying life, and humoring the slow people around you when you have to. Hang on to that frame.