Talleyrand writes about the low level of reproductive success of a sample of men:
http://seasonsoftumultanddiscord.wordpress.com/2010/07/30/voluteering-to-be-cuckolded/
The first issue is the existential one of whether it is important to reproduce or not. If you decide you are comfortable with the idea of remaining childless, you have many more choices in life. If you want to reproduce, the most reasonable way to accomplish that is by being in a stable marriage with a woman with the same goal.
Talleyrand points out that a number of these men are married, and living with children, but the children are not their own. One product on the sexual marketplace is the single mother. If you start a relationship with her you will probably have to meet her children pretty soon. If you are dating her regularly you will probably have to go out with the family on occasion. If you marry her or move in with her you will probably be expected to provide some financial support for her children, and assume some parental duties.
If the woman is attractive, the kids might not seem like a bad part of the deal. They may be well-behaved and enjoyable some of the time. What other men pass by might be an OK deal for you, the man with less status and less choices. It’s like buying an old luxury car- you couldn’t afford it new, it has a lot of miles on it and possibly expensive problems, but it may have a lot of life left.
But frankly I think this is a nightmare you won’t easily awake from. The kids have absolutely no stake in the success of the relationship, and do not see their mother’s relationship with any man other than their father as being beneficial to them. You have no power over them at all, while still having a lot of responsibility as an adult in the house.
Boys might be a little more receptive than girls. If there is one boy he may like the idea of having a guy around, to counter the overwhelming power of estrogen, or to do guy things with. Girls will not have this interest, and only see you as consuming time and attention from their mother that could go to them.
And the boy might be a rotten little asshole who wants to fuck with you. I was in a store once and saw a woman- as I recall a nice looking woman in her 30’s, with a boy of around 8 and a baby girl in a stroller. She was saying to the boy, “Be nice to him! It’s his birthday!”
The whole situation was immediately obvious. The woman was divorced, and the boy was from her previous marriage. She had remarried, probably to a nice guy. I’m going to assume, and I don’t think I’m wrong, that the first guy was a dick, and the boy was thus genetically and environmentally a dick. The second husband was probably a “nice guy” or in any case not able to deal with an asshole little boy who wasn’t his son- frankly an impossible task except for a high-alpha guy.
What made the situation especially sad was the involvement of the little girl, caught up in this drama completely involuntarily. The mother was clearly frantic that her son was destroying the relationship and didn’t have the strength to say “Listen you little shit! YOU WILL BEHAVE YOURSELF DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR?!”
I personally recommend that if you date a single mother, do not meet or get involved with her kids. This probably eliminates dating single mothers because most probably won’t agree to this. Getting involved with her kids, especially living with her or marrying her, puts you into a world of drama you had nothing to do with creating, may not understand completely, and can’t control.
I once worked with a couple of guys who would have to be considered at least somewhat alpha. They got into a conversation one day, one was dating a woman with a daughter who was nasty to him and opposed to the relationship. The other went into a long story about how he spent a long time winning over the daughter of his wife- her son didn’t have a problem with him. But why? Was she so special and unique she was worth all the trouble? I doubt it. And he had status and personal power that you as an omega don’t have.
A big part of getting by in life is having as few problems as possible. Getting involved with a woman with children is drama and hassles you probably can’t even imagine.
Game For Omegas- A Guide for Outsiders and Incels 
The answer is a definite NO.
The only reason for men to marry is to have their own children. If you’re not planning to have children, what is the use of getting married???
I currently live with a single mother with 2 daughters, but
1. I do have a son (I can’t live with him and his mother sadly 😛
2. I will definitely never marry this single mother. Why would I?
And let me tell you, raising the children of others is sometimes exasperating because you can’t discipline them. No matter what you do or they do you’re not their father and they know that. The only possibility for you to discipline them is doing it indirectly through their mother but that’s not the same EVEN if it works. They will never respect you the same way you’re own children would.
If anyone tells you that raising the children of an other man is the same as raising your own, you can immediately draw the conclusion that s/he is a bullsh*tting feminist retard with a severe moral superiority complex necessitating immediate lobotomy.
If you marry a single mother you just set yourself up for exploitation. And if you ever decide you DO want to have children you’re f*cked.
If you’re a laid-back type and can shrug off pesky kids then dating a single mother is fine as long as the thought of marriage doesn’t cross your mind.
Interesting this guy say no, but he is in one himself..lol
He stupid
Now I can understand why the mother of your children wants no business with you.. indeed.. so you are with this other woman for the perks and the benefits of being in a relationship. She should leave you too, you are not worth for neither of them, what a whinier.
haha i agree with u
I just ended a relationship two days ago to a woman with two children. I say two if you want to say that a 28 year old daughter is still a child. One thing for sure, the 28 year old acted like a 10 year old most of the time and her mother (now my ex-fiance) was nothing but an enabler to create a distructive enviornment for all involved. This started in November 2009 when my ex wife after 20 years of being married hit the mid-life crisis stage and blew a fuse. This women that I ended the relationship with 2 days ago I met around 1983 and last saw her in 1989. I met my now ex that same year. Married in 1990 after only knowing her for 7 months and divorced in 2010 with 3 children now 7, 10, and 15. In 2007 for unknown reasons we moved to Texas from California then divorced in 2010 but the woman who I knew since 1983 was always in California. During this troubled time for me between Nov 2009 till the divorce in March 2010 this new but old person re-entered my life and we began a long distance relationship. We realized we had so much in common and would talk for hours and she helped me in so many ways during this rough time in my life. Shortly after the divorce was final in early March 2010, she expressed what I thought was her true feelings that she has had for me all these years. So in April 2010, I few to california and we began the long distance romance. I few to cali about 4 or 5 times until I made the decision to transfer my employment and moved right in with her and her 28 and her 14 year old daughters in February 2011. To try to make this shorter, this was the beginning of the end. These two girls are so spoiled, manipulating, controling of their mother, it made me sick to just sit and watch them cause such heartache for her. They did not have a mother they had a maid. A servant. The older one 28 years old no work and goes out all the time with friends, travel with what money? Her personal ATM machine THE MOTHER. They do nothing in that home except consume. The TV is on nothing but the disney channel or the Kardashians IDIOT TV. The younger one does her homework in front of the tv and does nothing her grades are nothing but D’s but the mother does nothing about it.
Now I can go on and on and on but to get to the point, many people never show their true colors at the beginning. Everything is perfect and rosey and wonderful. You can’t stop thinking about each other. When I lived in Texas I would get home spend time with my children then call her and we would talk for hours and hours. The Bottom line is that the issues with the daughters when I attempted to address them I was shot down every time. The mother had excuse and excuse for them you could not ever penetrate this no matter what you had. I was feeling so bad for her when her duaghters would yell at her or demand things from her and I could not say anything? What happened I kept and still keep asking myself. Because these issues were discussed, it created a realm of such stress and fustration that the relationship between the two of us began to decline. About 6 to 8 months ago is when she began to suddenly have an attitude change with me. Everything I said was made fun of or questioned or they would try to make light of things that were not there or take offense to thoughts or feelings that I would express. These two girls viewed me as a threat to there gravey train. When I began to discuss with her about the damage she is doing to these girls she took offense. I could not live like this at all and I do not think anyone can. I still can say to this day that I love her dearly and only want the best for her, but as long as that disfunctional family continues on that path I could not stand to watch her go thru so much stress with these girls. She looks so tired and has health issues because of these girls over the years. They don’t care about her except when they want something. I am so worried about the health. In the short time that I have been back in her life she looks like she aged 10 years. I keep thinking of how I wanted things the way they were in the beginning. We were so happy. But I have to continue to tell myself that time heels and it is for the best.
Hey do he has to pay the money or any compensation for her kid once got married a women having kids and divorced at the end……eventhough its not his kid
Man you dumb as hell. If you don’t want her then why hurt her you egotistical Prick! I hope you get AIDS. Maybe the kids aren’t listening to you because your a pussy! Simple a real man can handle his women and wouldn’t let her say he can’t discipline kids he’s providing for. So guess what your doing her a favor and the kids deserve a father figure not another mother.
I wholeheartly agree! If you love her, step up to the plate and take charge as long as she supports you!
Thumbs UP!
True i’m dating a woman with a 4yr old and he runs her like he is the dad and she is the child but she gets mad at me when I tell her that she has no control over him then she tries to use the excuse “HE’S ONLY 4” smh and she wants to have kids with me lol NO WAY she cant control hers why have one with her??
Im in a situation were she has two boys who drive me up the wall and I am expecting a girl . I am now regreting my marriage and its under a year and I’m already fed up
It figures most belittling comments here are those of women..
Wow I’m in situation with single mum of 3 kids as a joke (which on reflection was a dumb 1) ‘would you want to marry me’ and she said yes in a heartbeat.. I later told her I was just joking but wish I never mentioned it..
Its a nightmare no matter how perfect everything is in the beginning – DO NOT DO it stay single – have a relationship or marry a single person with no children – you will regret for the rest of your life
that’s a wrong smiley
i hate these graphic ones
What other men pass by might be an OK deal for you, the man with less status and less choices. It’s like buying an old luxury car- you couldn’t afford it new, it has a lot of miles on it and possibly expensive problems, but it may have a lot of life left.
This cracked me up, and reminded me of my own post on carouselers returning to marry beta providers (revenge of the nerds).
I agree with your overall assessment. A woman with children is much better to rent than to buy.
[…] Omega Man – “A Secret That is Not a Secret“, “Blogroll Addition; and, the Topic of Comfort Zones“, “The Zen of Game“, “Should You Marry a Woman with Children?” […]
The benefit in this feminist society of dating a single mother is some semblance of groundedness, however tenuous that may be.
But, it was fleeting as, no matter how many times she was told to clearly define my role/boundary, it constantly slipped from me, to the ex, to family, and friends. A no-win situation for me eventually, as I saw this investment as too unstable.
My motives were pure, but society puts up so many hurdles for men that it eventually became a farce.
“But frankly I think this is a nightmare you won’t easily awake from. The kids have absolutely no stake in the success of the relationship, and do not see their mother’s relationship with any man other than their father as being beneficial to them.”
This is not necessarily true. My dad was a widower, and every time I met someone he was seeing I got excited that we might get a new mom.
I agree with the writer, your situation is different and unique since there was no way of your dad being with your mother again no matter how much both of you wished. But i also see your point as a valid one.
Biter men make for poor advice – how bout treating women as human beings? The biggest problem here is that advice is coming from someone who’s failed a lot in life, huge bitterness angle.
There’s also no guarantee that men who complain about their lack of success with women didn’t do it to themselves but don’t want to admit to it even though you see them handing out advice.
I date a single mother. I am Now seeing that i am truly powerless. dating for 10 months. She has 2 boys. i do not know if i want to marry anymore. She has 2 boys. And mother’s are over protective of there boys. I can not even discipline them, but i can buy them stuff pay for there day care and etc. unless u are and bad possession in life this is a bad situation. cause the balance will even out.
Are you serious? So are you saying if she had 2 daughters/girls she would not be protective over them? Girls need more protection then boys do…I don’t think sex of the child matters..your a man coming in and she is probably a good mother, i know if i have a girl i would be more vigilant in watching my daughter over a son..but regardless you don’t have a right to tell them what to do..your the outsider you can be replaced, the kids can’t she bore them..she loved them before you and thats just the way it is..accept that..you should have married younger as a man and stayed with your wife if possible then you wouldn’t be in this kind of mess. If my kid regardless of girl or boy is unhappy then i’m not happy and something would have to change and if that means the boyfriend has to go then so be it! After the kids are 21 then..its different, but her kids come first.
NO mothers are protective over their children! doesn’t matter what it is…Only a woman can have a special relationship with her daughter – you know the saying mother like daughter…anyhow..you choose to pay for things for the kids, she didn’t ask you..but your the outsider and you don’t have the best interest for her children she knows this and is letting you know that she will be incharge of raising them and or her ex husband not you! You need to stand by that if you can’t then you need to leave! Its simple!
To “The child that paid the price!”…I do believe that it is a bad idea for a man to marry a woman who has children over the age of two. Why? Children under two can be trained and molded as if yours…especially if the father is nonexistent in the relationship. I have been in my marriage for nine years…I came into a marriage whereas the woman was a widow with one girl (12) and one boy (7). The girl is now 22 yrs old and has graduated from college and the boy is now 18 yrs old and is a senior in high school. I accepted the entire “kit and kabuddle”. I came in the relationship WILLING to be a great dad to them. I tried to be a good dad and what has happen…if I tell the children anything to do…if they did not want to do it, the children would go behind my back to the mother and manipulate their mother to get them out of it.
Then the children would never tell me anything, they would just be gone somewhere and I would be the last to know. I felt like a prisoner in the home. If I complain to the children, it would only cause an argument between me and the wife. So I begin to pick and choose my battles in the house…I decided to go through the mother to anything that I needed to kids to do…(neveragain) did this same-thing. The daughter and I get along great. However the son and I do not speak to each other…EVER. We walk right by each other in the house and say nothing. If I ever bring anything up to wife about anything negative about her son, bring will then turn the situation around to focus on something that I did that was wrong….which leads me to believe that she is not going to do anything about what I am saying.
The son is hook on playing video games. He has game systems and an Alien Computer system, therefore he games on both. The computer was kept in his room, but we had to move it out because he was caught masturbating on the computer. The computer was put in a common area to keep an eye on him. It was kept in the family room where the surround sound system is kept and utilized. He plays this racing game, that he likes to play loudly. He would occasionally play his race game when others in the house are watching a movie on the surround system. I have asked can you put headphones on…he would say no. I told him to turn that crap off…you see I’m watching a movie. He had a talk with his mother and me and my wife ended up fighting over him.
I put that computer back in his room and I don’t care if he goes blind. Example two. I had washed his car myself and I asked him to do the seasonal waxing on the car and nicely suggested that he wax the car before noon so that it is not so hot. He was playing video games at the moment. He called his mother on her cellphone and convinced his mother to get him out of the task… instead of arguing, I did it myself to save the peace. I can’t get him to check the oil. I suggested to my wife that she let him ride the school-bus, and she argued with me and to keep the peace, I let it go. He will look you direct in the eye and tell you lie. He is a liar and a thief. Everything he does wrong she ignores and if I dare say anything about it, it will cause an ugly fight.
This is the worst relationship that I have ever been in. I humbly recommend that men run away from women who have children over the age of two. My wife and her children witnessed the death of their husband and dad. He had a heart attack and died in front of them. None of them ever received counseling for going through such a traumatizing event. Perhaps this is part of the protective and enabling nature of my wife. She will clearly put her son ahead of me. I am still in this relationship now. I want it to work. My wife and I do not have sex…we do nothing together…when I am in the house, I am completely alone until bedtime. I go a whole weekend and will not have 5 five words to anybody.
I do not remember who said it in here…”the man is only temporary, the child is permanent.” I truly understand this…however, men have to feel good about the relationship and feel that they are needed…if the takes this stand, they that is saying that she does not need the man and he can go. On the other hand if the man does go, they woman will complain about that also. When things are unhappy, the sex is the first thing to go. “If the man is not happy in the head…he will not be happy in the bed.” In this case happy wife, happy life…will not be beneficial.
SadStepDad, get out! They are just using you. Your wife doesn’t respect you. And if she doesn’t respect you, then she doesn’t love you. You are just a servant to them. Please, leave and get your life back.
BB, first of all, I doubt that you can distinguish bitterness from regret. But secondly, bitter men do not make for poor advice — they serve as great warnings to others to not repeat their mistakes.
good one
You are a Mangina or Feminist Biatch…
Of course we are screw ups with women, BB, but by coming here to talk about our mistakes, we combine our experiences and improve our skills. Outside of women, I’m not bitter about my life, nor am I a loser.
As for the topic at hand, I can see making a trade-off. Say, the best I can get on my own would be a 4 but I can get a single mother with a couple of kids, who is a 7, I might take that deal.
Speaking as someone without children who married a man with two children (from two women)…it’s hell. Way too much drama. If I had it to do over again – in other words, if we hadn’t had a baby together, I would have gone for a guy without kids. If we ever divorce, I won’t marry again, because I wouldn’t want to put someone through what I’ve been through.
I current involved with a single mother of two kidz and she carring my little one now.Am confused,afraid of what might happen if I marry her,how her kids will threat me? Her little daughter seems 2be disrespectful. Am afraid of breaking her heart.I knw when we met u were not there,but nw advice me-hw do I get out?
You mentioned she has a daughter, but not the gender of the other child. From talking to guys involved with women with kids, the boys might like having a guy around, but the girls don’t see any advantage to a new man coming into the house. You are going to have to follow your heart and your conscience here. You are on the hook for child support no matter what. I would say don’t marry her; it only gives you duties, not privileges. Explain to your girlfriend the only way things can ever work is if her daughter accepts you and shows you respect. She may or may not be interested in controlling the child. You also must insist on respect from the child, and you do not win a child over by kissing her but. Children are little savages who only respect strength. Be kind but firm.
For the sake of your child you will need to have some involvement with this woman, but there is no guarantee you can make a relationship work. It’s better if you can live with your child but you can only try your best. But try to get advice and help from guys who have lived through the situation, it will be far more valuable than anything I can say.
wow. if you’re asking on how to get out of it, then you defenitly shouldn’t marry her. let her have a chance with someone else or simply be happy with herself and children.
I have 2 kids 4 and 6. I met a guy, albeit I met him online last year and physically met him this past spring.
He knows I have kids. He is single. I’m the one kind of thinking it may not work because he’s not accustomed to the family type set up. He’s adamant that’s its all normal I have kids, at this stage of my life ( we are both mid 30s). I think I’m pretty, so I can see this “luxury car” bit, although I hate that as a metaphor(thanks). He says he’ll move here to the usa from europe. I just wonder is there a test or something I can do to make him realise this is what he really wants? From a guys perspective atleast. I do want it to work I just want to make sure he knows what he’s getting into before he moves here.
I actually have experience with meeting people from foreign countries on the internet. He needs to come over and visit, and spend as much time as possible with you and your kids to see what it is really like. Some vacation stuff, but day-to-day life also. Put him in charge of your kids- not right away obviously, but after you can trust him- and see what happens. Do they freak out? Does he freak out? People in Europe usually get a lot of vacation, so this shouldn’t be a problem. You need to be very honest about what you expect in the future, and he needs to be very honest about what he expects. If your kids just don’t like him, or if he doesn’t like them, you are going to have serious problems no matter how much you like each other.
Never do imports …from flying pan into fire
” WOW ” IMPORTANT INFO ….. !
I married a women with children and it was hell. Avoid women with children if you want a happier life no matter your age. I should have waited for right women and they are a lot of good women out there without children. They are willing to make a family with you.
Its hell on earth.am xperiencing that kind of a relationshp.ive a woman with a big son.dont even thnk abt it
Im dating a 30 year women with four kids three by an incarcerated father for life. and the 4th child’s father is many states away. their ages are 13,12,6,4. the mother is very high strong and way more optimistic than me about this wonderful future
. the kicker is she cant have kids. she claims its easy to untie tubes. but i think its a bad deal. multiples run in my family. she is a very high maintains women and very greed just like her kids , what should i do. o she is very pretty. and my self i am pretty dam handsome, my heart is really huge ,,,,help
Run as fast as you can, not a good deal for you at all. They will eat you alive. RUN FORREST RUN
wow, thanks , o anymore details on why
Just do as mackboy told you , do not ask why ….your situation does not need explanation . you will never have a happy life no matter how much you both in love
I been in this situation b4.i deeply loved my ex wife but her kids were a big issue for both of us. Thier dads weren’t doing anything for them and she put alot of the responsibility on me.i have no issue with the responsibility part but if I’m main caretaker then it’s goin to be fair for me.not taking care of kids while they with thier dads and providing for kids in the long run wont respect u or see u as anything but a paycheck.goodluck to her and her kids .in the long run it was best for me
this very funny guys,i never know that men too go through this pain..singles look for singles period..i have tried with a father of 4 while i have 0 No thanks am out!
Are you out of your mind? 4 kids? why you want to do it? there are so many nice woman in your age. Get the hell out of there! i would not deal with any woman having kids from other man – go find your love with no kids from other man. RUN AWAY AND FAST!!!
Thanks Tom. I get it.
you’re an idiot sir…lol MULTIPLES DOES NOT RUN FOR A MAN! it only runs on the woman’s side of the family example grandmother to mother to daughter..get it? its the eggs that have the mulitples, ovaries not the man..i suggest to go back to school and learn before you get involved with a woman with 4 young children…she got her tubes tied for a reason…she was having too many! She would have to go into surgery to untie them which can be alot of work and may not work out – its easier for a man to be clipped then a woman! Either you adopt these children as your own or just leave..as once their father is out of jail..he may not be to happy..also she will always be tied to their father because they have children.
I would agree about the multiplies not being control by the man, except on my father side there are serval twins and another set of triplets, and on my mother side 5 set of twins.. Far as the father’s children, she has so much hate towards him. Never the less we aren’t not together anymore, she was way to controlling and disrespectful and her spirit was not caring and kind. Times
I got sick, I was on my own. Unlike when she and the children needed me I was there no matter what 5am e.c.t, I was doing or time of day.. After she used me as a punching bag infront of her children, I decided to walk . enough is enough
Well thats not nice to be used as a punching bad! Yes its better you walked. but never make children pay the price for it…now i know what your saying regarding multiples but still its the woman..even on the fathers side its only the women that carry that gene…no man has 2 headed sperm..if he did all children would be born as twoheaded freaks or server handicap…you get what i mean? Multiples never run for a man…it only runs for the women’s side once the woman or man have a son – thats it the gene stops running..but if he has a daughter then it continues as its 2 ovaries or 3 ovaries etc..that get fertilized…now ONLY A MAN CAN DETERMINE WHAT THE SEX OF THE BABY IS….girl or boy.
i’ve been reading all these comments after i read the article, and normally i’d never usually comment my opinion on these controversial matters but after reading your comments i just had to say…. ma’am, your clearly a very feminist individual who has suffered from a seriously bad case of having a shitty daddy, husband, and father of your children throughout your life. its either that or your just a plain old mutated queen of cold heartless lezbo bitches everywhere!! although, i’m sure it was the first thing i mentioned. so giving you the benefit of the doubt, justifying your present attitude of ugliness and arrogance towards men, considering your past most likely consisted of a fuck for a father, i’m going to slightly take it easy on you. i suggest YOU LEAVE your unwanted narrow minded shell of the words you call opinions to yourself, because its obvious that the man you are constantly belittling (SADSTEPDAD), is undoubtedly a much better person, combined, then YOU, your kids, and every vagina toting man you’ve ever known in your pathetic little life. especially given what all this man has been through, all while remaining humble and keeping his own priorities last to tend for everyone else’s, regardless of how badly unappreciated and disrespected he was throughout all this time. your probably the same type of crude witch with her little minions that he is dealing with now, and your practically telling him to fuck off?? hes clearly too nice to even stand up for himself.. so for that reason here is just a tiny bit of your own medicine.. GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU FEMINIST BITCH I’M NOT SURPRISED YOUR PUSSIE GOT COBWEBS!!!! maybe you can learn to be nicer to people now sweetheart.. the world doesn’t owe your ugly ass insides shit!! get over yourself!!
-yours truly, The Equalizer!!
its a struggle cz i’m in a relationship with a woman who has a 13 year old son,i have no kids of my own,i was happy and optimistic in the beginning but im not so sure now,just to know that you raising some else’s child,the fact that she gave birth to another man’s child,i don’t know,maybe i’m just jealous that i am last
then you don’t love her..you men cry ‘oh someone elses child” but THAT IS HER CHILD! ITS HER CHILD TOO..THAT CHILD IS A PERSON..NOT A THING AND IF YOU LOVED THAT WOMAN YOU WOULD LOVE HER CHILDREN..BECAUSE SHE CREATED HER OR HIM OR HER…SO YOU DON’T LOVE HER BECAUSE YOU CAN’T LOVE AND ACCEPT THE CHILD THAT IS PART OF HER OWN FAMILY…CHILDREN GROW UP AND THEY REMEMBER THE THE MAN…YOU KNOW THE ASSHOLE? OR THEY CAN SAY YES WE REMEMBER HIM HE WAS OUR FATHER OR WAS LIKE A FATHER..ITS UP TO YOU…IN THE END YOU DIE AND REMEMBER THE HELL YOU CREATED FOR AN INNOCENT CHILD….
This must be a woman…
Hello child that paid the price…I see that you have wise things to say to people here…I’d like your take on my situation: my girl is a single mom with 2 daughters – 12, 4…from different men…first from American, 2nd from Iranian…I love kids…have a 17 year old daughter who lives with her mom…anyway, I love her and her kids, but I also understand that I probably will never be a father for them, so I’m just trying to be more like a friend…I also noticed that I do not have the same kind of love for them as for my daughter…is this wrong? can this still work? I know that some people adopt kids without parents and they love them like their own, but that is I think because they have no parents at all; but when a father is involved and also loves his child, then that child is not in need for your love as a father….please comment…thanks!
If you love the children and the mother and can accept that she is a “package deal” then there should not be a problem but of course you will love your own child more and i’m sure the mother will love her children more than yours. This is why discipline needs to be kept to the bio parent and not the new comer step parent, this is where alot can go wrong.
Children know and sense when someone is genuine. Alot of men pretend and young children can sense this. A step parent can only support the decision of the “real” parent….so if you are willing to be in the picture, just respect those girls, don’t try to be powerful-over the top step dad, then you will see as time goes the girls will respect you more and will not have a problem with you. Children will test you! These girls will but that’s because they are children and you must be able to forgive and not take it to heart, because if you do then it will effect the future of the girls and your partner and you. There is a line that cannot be crossed. If you really love them as you say you would give it your best shot. But you will also realize that these children will come first to their mother and you second because they were there first!
If you can accept and keep back and let your partner to the displining then you won’t have a problem. If you can’t live like that then you should find a new relationship. It depends. btw…if you really care for the girls and love them, they will see it one day….but if you think of abusing them or did then the trust will be broken and lives can be shattered. It depends on the person….but if you are coming from a good place time will tell…..
I wonder what happenned since Then. I doubt you read this. But just hoping for an update.
I am dating a women that has 4 kids and I have a 3yrs old girl. The father was a dick with her she would hit her and try to choke her sometimes the kids saw all of this. She is a beautiful women treats me like a king but I am afraid to go a long. The jungest kid does whatever he wants he does not to obey no one. And he tries to be a little smart ass about everything. The x is still on the picture and all I sEe is just that this is a big roller coaster to ride on.
Whether the woman is beautiful or not doesn’t matter. If you want peace of mind, do not marry a single/divorced mother. I am living to regret the dscision I made to marry the woman I met. She had two small kids when I met her. These kids have now grown a bit (school-going age), and it looks like my wife doesn’t want them to grow up (emotionally, spiritually). She’s parenting with a lot of guilt and fear and this makes life really difficult. The kids use this guilt in her to run the household. She’s come to believe that being a parent means to always be doing things for them, buying things for them and letting them run wild in the house. It is virtually impossible to instill discipline and teach values.
I don’t see any future in this set-up.
I’m dating a woman with 2 kids (boys aged 5 & 13) she so much loving, caring and supportive however she gossips me like hell.All my plans and info of my life she tells people even my enemies,who mock me in return.I tried talking this with her but she never stops.She even caused me to be tricked and put in a psychiatric hospital after i got angry.She is educated and from a richer influencial family than me.She is not rich but money is not a problem 4her. I’m single,no kds & really love her. Please help.
Please help me guys. I met this girl who has a child already. I made it clear to her right at the beginning that I was not willing to assume the role of father. Since I didn’t have kids of my own.
It feels like I’m not prepared to be raise another man’s child. IS this a normal behaviour or I’m I just being immature? I need an honest answer.
No not at all. Very normal
No not at all. It’s a very normal emotion
You know what, I’m in the same situation. I have a daughter who stays with her mother and I’m currently in a new marriage. When I met this current woman I told her that I would help her kid whenever I can but could the child please stay back at her home with her mother. She agreed, but now every day she is complaining that the child is not happy where she stays with my mother in law, to an extent that she started searching for a school this side to bring her to stay with us without me agreeing. The way I see it, we will divorce if I don’t give in. But I am a private person and bit selfish too. Bringing up another man’s child is totally against my feelings. Besides I think once the child is here we won’t last since I know I will have no say in desciplining the child and hence we will fight continuously.
are you an idiot sir? do you realize what you just said…did your mother abandon you? how would you have felt? this little girl needs her mother…you are destroying a mother-daughter relationship because you don’t want to raise another man’s child? YOU need to LEAVE! I HOPE SHE CHOOSES HER CHILD OVER YOU! YOUR JUST ANOTHER MAN, she can’t replace her child…the child needs her mother to take care of her..this is her responsiblity not her mothers…if you can’t accept it then your going to make it hard her her and her child..you wanted to marry a woman with a kid so you need to accept her and love the child as your own…the kid is innocent..your a grown man you can leave, the child needs her mother. She feels abandoned by the one person who gave her life because of you! I wished your mother had aborted a man like you!
your behavior is very mature …would you please just leave and start your life from scratch , i have been there , done that .
look …you will be introduced in whole set of troubles that you can easily avoid now …it is been a year since you asked for advice , if you are married with her now then for sure you know what i am talking about
her having one child could make you all relationship more serious and focused on the future vs a women with no worries and more time and option to experience and date more. I was dating a women with 4, her personality ran me away
I married the love of my life. But by then she had 3 kids. They seemed like good kids. But because of them, well one of them, we divorced.
I’m sorry to hear that. People tend to whitewash this, but if the kids want to screw things up, they can and will.
do you think the kid was prompted to motivate the divorce
011 at 8:14 am said:
Im dating a 30 year women with four kids three by an incarcerated father for life. and the 4th child’s father is many states away. their ages are 13,12,6,4. the mother is very high strong and way more optimistic than me about this wonderful future . the kicker is she cant have kids. she claims its easy to untie tubes. but i think its a bad deal. multiples run in my family. she is a very high maintains women and very greed just like her kids , what should i do. o she is very pretty. and my self i am pretty dam handsome, my heart is
If she is pretty have sex with her and enjoy it while you are looking for a woman who does not have multiple kids by a convict, is not high maintenance and not greedy. DO NOT MARRY HER.
sounds good excepts she always talks about some big future and the kids loving me . her sex is through the roof .
If you don’t want to replace her, enjoy it while it lasts, but still don’t marry her. If she gets tired of you and dumps you and you aren’t married, nothing happens. If you married you have a world of shit. She can probably claim you were a father figure and thus have to pay support. Don’t even move in with her.
she always wants me over and I reject her 60 % times.
she want to emotional black male me. so although we aren’t together she hounds me to stay over night. we use to be couples but each time I give it a title she messes it up with being a aggressive capricorn
o she want get tired of me , she says Im her perfect match lol lolo lol
typical dumb man – multiples only run from a womans side of the family from mother to daughter etc..not a man!
Men over 40 – have a higher chance of having babies with birth defects and increases with age by 1 every year research it – men who wait to long to have children have a higher chance of having son’s especially with autism and girls too. This has been proven men also have a biological clock and its ticking! Sperm quality decreases with age!
http://www.boston.com/dailydose/2012/08/23/men-have-biological-clocks-new-autism-finding-suggests/CK4KA4QeW1dFw1ciNQcpvL/story.html
I’m single–and will continue to be so–why should I date someone with a kid—why do I have to assume any of the emotional/financial responsibilty in raising someone else’s kid??? the divorce rate for second marriages with kids is ~75%!!! I can get better odds gambling in Vegas!!!!
WOW!! I been die meet man who finally agrees that date or marring women with kids drama, 4 year relationship ended behind one these crazy women.Cant keep legs closed dont have career,cantlooking for $$$$….Single ,Smart Female always worst luck ..
I don’t understand y all single mothers are put into the same box? I have children all by the same man; it’s not my fault he turned out to be a jerk! I was with him for years thought he was the one just to kick him out for cheating; so why do I have to suffer alone while he does whatever he wants… Because I have kids? I also own my own house, have a great job and provide for my family. I’m not looking for a father for my kids they have that I’m looking for a companion for me! My kids my problem! This single woman old luxury car? Yes, I’ve got miles on me but I run like a son of bitch. Men don’t count us single mothers out because we didn’t do it to ourselves and some of us are strong women who don’t want your money just your love. I hope there’s at least one guy Sometimes what we care about the most gets all used up or goes away, never to return. Sometimes we never get a chance to say goodbye or i love u. Life is so precious & short. I recieved this from someone who thought i was a keeper! Then i sent it to the people i care about. Now its your turn! Suppose one morning u never wake up. Does all your family and friends know u love them? Let everyone know how u feel, even if u think they dont love u back. Its amazing what three little words and a smile can do. Just in case God calls me home, i just wanted to let u know… I LOVE U ! Live everyday to the fullest and forgive those who are wrong. Because tomorrow is not promised. We get one shot in life, dont let anger or pride ruin your chance of happiness. Now text this to all who you have been lucky enough to share a part of your life with.who doesn’t think it’s a problem dating a woman with kids because I’m not a bad catch.
I don’t understand y all single mothers are put into the same box? I have children all by the same man; it’s not my fault he turned out to be a jerk! I was with him for years thought he was the one just to kick him out for cheating; so why do I have to suffer alone while he does whatever he wants… Because I have kids? I also own my own house, have a great job and provide for my family. I’m not looking for a father for my kids they have that I’m looking for a companion for me! My kids my problem! This single woman old luxury car? Yes, I’ve got miles on me but I run like a son of bitch. Men don’t count us single mothers out because we didn’t do it to ourselves and some of us are strong women who don’t want your money just your love.
yes. but when you have all those things – if something happens to you – he and his kids get all your children’s inheritance! trust me he is your husband he is intitled to more then half of your stuff! smarten up women! read my name! i’m a victim of a stepfather! the nighmare began when he moved in!
Are you kidding me! A used luxury car? Thats what we are comparing women to nowadays? I’m sorry I picked a douchebag to marry and start a family with! And I’m sorry that he left his family for another woman! I guess according to you I should be happy with any man who is kind enough to bestow his attention on me! Forget the fact that I am an intelligent, independent, financially stable and attractive woman! I really should be so thankful that any man would want to be with me! A used car with a lot of miles, right? Whoever wrote this article is the most moronic, selfish, jackass I have ever, ever had the misfortune of reading his jibberish!
Agreed! Pure ignorance!
You god damn right, any man who would be interested in you, you should take. You fucked up, you made a mistake and now your stock value is exponientially lower, sorry it sounds mean but it is 100% the truth. You picked the douchebag to make the mistake with, therefore you deal with not us. I seriously doubt being financially stable if you are a single mom, as well as being attractive miss stretch marks, intelligent not so much if you married such a douche. Truth hurts honey, time to get on your knees and please any man who shows interest.
I had a women with 4 kids her face and body was amazing, you didn’t see not on mark on, and she was in school and work hard , but she had lot help section 8 and food cards. but Why we did work she had a very bossy aggressive and fucked up attitude, very ungrateful, in fact her kids are just as ungrateful, and to top it off her tubes are tied so I was wasting my time,
I had a women with 4 kids her face and body was amazing, you didn’t see not one mark on, and she was in school and worked hard , but she had lot of assistance via section 8 and food cards. but Why we did not work, she had a very bossy aggressive and fucked up attitude, very ungrateful, in fact her kids are just as ungrateful, and to top it off her tubes are tied so I was wasting my time,
That’s 90% true
I am recently divorced with 3 children and had to fight to break free from my ex. It took 5 years but I eventually managed to be free from him. I am proud of the woman I am. I am beautiful. confident and there is a strength in me that never would have been there if I did not go through. The one thing that some men fail to realise is that character only gets formed when one has to go through some fiery trials in life! Life happens, good and bad, whether we expected it or not. I do believe that no one gets married thinking they will get divorced? There are no guarantees in this life and we cannot be responsible for anothers unwise decision, even though we have to bear the consequences. I am so happy being single for now. I trust that some day I will meet a wonderful man, that will love me and respect me for the valuable precious lady that I am. And believe me, he will have to prove himself worthy of this precious heart or otherwise he definately will not win the prize. My children are part of me and so this man will have to embrace them as part of me. To expect a man to love your children as his own is unrealistic, but to embrace them as part of the package is absolutely necessary. I do not see myself as ‘second hand used goods’ but rather as refined through fire, coming out as pure gold! I do believe in marriage. I believe that it is a good thing and should be honoured. Dear single mothers out there… ask God to reveal to you how precious you really are. Learn to love yourself and believe that you deserve only the best. don’t get desperate for second best! It is best to rather stay single and live a full life while doing so until the someone special comes your way.
Shame on whoever likened single Moms to used cars. Some of us have educational pedigrees that would bring guys to shame, have fabulous jobs and are lovely, caring people. (And, I have to say, many of us are quite cute.) Maybe we left a jerk to protect our kids and ourselves and are rebuilding our lives. A word to the wise – we are very good at weeding out the junk, which would include any guys that would view us, treat us, or liken us to used cars.
Granted.
But that hardly takes away the hassle and a potential acrimony that usually accompanies a new marriage with kids from a previous relationship.
Ironically no mother (even one who was a single mother) would warm up to the idea of their own son marrying a woman with kids from another man.
i had a relationship with a divorced(twice) mother of 2…i loved her but i couldnt see myself as a father figure to a thuggish 15 yo boy….no telling what was down the road if i had continued it…..i am sure it would have been nothing but pain and court costs…
I have read a few of these. I am young and yes i got involed with the wrong kind of man. He made me believe that he loved me. we got married and i was his second wife. i have never in my life seen a person acted the way he did.
The abuse that i went through with him, and yet even still to this day he dose not see it. He believes that he is inosent, he is 15 yrs older than me. i walked out of the marriage due to the abuse form his hand.
i do have a beautiful daughter age 7 it took me three years to get away for that monster. it took me more than a year to put my life slowly back togther. i am taking it one day at a time.
I cant talk for other women but i can talk for myself. i do see myself a something used, i see myself as a strong woman who stood up and forght to live. The road i have walked has nt been easy, but i do believe that one day i will meet the kind of man i have looked for.
one thing i have learnt form what i went through is that seeing is believing.
in the end its not my fault for standing up to a man who tried to go as far as to end my life. God know what would have happened to my little girl.
nobody can give you the world, all everyone hopes for is to one day find that special someone to share your world with them.
Well what do you expect when you marry someone so much older he see’s himself as more of a father to you! Cause your so much younger – thats what happens!
I am a 42 year old woman with a 10 year old son. I thought this was an interesting article. I agree with most of the article. I don’t think certain men should marry women with children. It’s good to know these guys right up front so you don’t spend time with them and move on to the man who has something to offer you. I make six figures, own several pieces of property, work for myself and have often dated men 10 years my junior. (Yeah, I look that good.) I, personally, do not date men with children because melding two families is the most challenging situation that I have found. I have spent time with men who I could tell didn’t embrace my son and I quickly move to end the relationship. Others embrace my son readily and I find these men are more mature and know what they want. My son’s presence very clearly sifts through quite a few men who would otherwise not be a good investment of time for me. It’s not bad at all. Not at all.
Sorry as an sexually abused victim of a stepfather that my mother so desprately needed for her own sex and to have 1 more child – if you make 6 figures why do you need a man? why would you show your child off to all these men and leave him confused? are you trying to put yourself in an abusive situation? You do not need to date 1 friend with beneifts is all you need!
truth be told!
You showed your hand with this post. All a man is to you is a meal ticket and a penis.
To guys, no matter what the ladies who respond here are saying, save yourself ahead ache and leave single mothers. We know that in today’s world men can’t discuss certain things honestly or advice honestly, but this article is truthful and a good man should listen to it or risk regretting after the experience. Clever people learn from the experience of others.
I am glad I read this, and I got to know what men thinks of single mothers. I am a single mother of 2 beautiful boys and I was fluctuating between to get marry r not. I am a well settled attractive lady, so lot of covetous approached me but I rejected them. I am sure you all guys who wrote this don’t deserves something good. We single mothers reject you and we use you as a time pass, until we found someone really deserving us. who the hell you are to have sex with us until you find someone else. I salute single mothers who have enough energy to walk out through life and rejecting the guys like you.
HEY I AGREE, BUT IN MY CASE I DATED A WOMAN WITH 4, AND AFTER WE BROKE UP FOR THE 20 TIMES. SHE TRIED TO CONVINCE ME THING WOULD GET BETTER AND SHE WILL BE MORE HUMBLE, AND MORE OF A TEAM PLAYER AND NOT SO CONTROLLING, FINALLY, I FELT AN EXTREME HEART PROBLEMS, AND FELT LIKE I WAS GOING TO DIE, SO I SAID TO MY SELF, I’M DONE,
I FELT LIKE SHE WAS EATING ME A LIVE WITH NO REMORSE. MOST OF THE TIME I FELT LIKE A PERSONAL ASSISTANCE…
SO FAST FORWARD 6 MONTH LATER, I RELINKED WITH A VERY BEAUTIFUL FRIEND, SHE IS SO KIND AND A PISCES LIKE ME. SHE ONE GIRL ( 9 ) AND VERY STABLE , I REALLY LIKE MY NEW SITUATION .
@ b, you must be a nice guy, the world is full with nice and bad people. Sometimes single mothers behave like this, probably they are not strong enough inside and have fear of loosing and rejection. but there is no guarantee that single girl will be really nice. Believe me single mothers are more polished, and they are in this situation because of some really bad experience in life, and never forget, your sister or daughter can be a single mother, so don’t use bad words for them, instead show moral values, ethics and decency toward life, and if u come across a nice girl, never ever reject her because of kids. 🙂
Thanks,,,O my triplet sister is a single mom. her kids father passed last year . and my older sister is one too. I ‘m very proud of them
YOU BETTER NOT ABUSE THAT LITTLE GIRL! SHE WILL GROW UP AND REMEMBER HOW YOU ARE! YOU BETTER BE A GOOD STEP FATHER TO HER! OR GOD WILL HAVE YOUR HEAD ALONG WITH HER FAMILY!
you took it personal …
.the prob will not be with you as a woman , the prob will be in kids i am in a situation that i cant say nothing to 2 bitchy step daughters (both over 18 & black) my wife is very selfless and sweet
First of all, you can’t even write a proper sentence. Secondly, you condemn those for having sex with you and then moving on when you claim in the same sentence you do the same thing. Hypocrite is thy name. Finally, any decent man doesn’t deserve to have to put up with you.
Two words … Living Hell. Have kids with her and you will discover that living hell has a sub basement with its own unique terrors.
Who would have thought I could understate this. 😉
wow
am planning on getting married with a single mom i met online, she has 3 kids and is older than me… i am single… we never met yet, but she promised to come see me and we will get married here in my country, then she’ll put in the papers for me to com be with her….i hope am doing the right thing…. cos she really is very nice, and motherly, mature and sensible …God knows i love her and am willing to be wih her..but am freaked out by these comments. just advice plz.
That’s the price a civilization has to pay for rejecting what once made her great. The only possible result of the obstinate rejection of Christianity is this: the useless and stupid repetition of questions that already have answers. Eternal answers by the way.
“Whilst her husband liveth she shall be called an adulteress if she be with another man.” (Romans vii, 3).
“Whosoever shall put away his wife and marry another committeth adultery against her.” (Mark x, 11).
“To them that are married, not I, but the Lord commandeth, that the wife depart not from her husband: and if she depart, that she remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband. And let not the husband put away his wife.” (I Cor. vii, 10-11)
This is a horrible article. Reading this disgusted me. Clearly the author is ignorant. From personal experience, respect can be an issue if the mother doesn’t properly raise or discipline her chilldren. Automatically classifying single mothers and their children into this “renting not buying” category is nothing but bowing down to stereotypes and today’s society, which is sickeningly on the verge of idiocy! Good luck w your mindless babble and grow up!
It is not easy to find a right husband / wife for yourself. Therefore, ask your FATHER who is in heaven to guide you to find a right one. Don’t make mistake and try to solve the problem. It’s hard but be patient and wait on the Lord.
If the mistake is already made, repent and start afresh as your FATHER will give you a new life and will help you to find the person of your life.
I am a single woman with children….my boyfriend and I live together and have a child in common. my children are well disciplined and respectful….the Farber of my children aren’t involved in their lives…something that I wanted..so their isnt an the ex..in the picture to manipulate the situation. My boyfriend has brought up the issue that he has to evaluate the relationship situation because I had children with someone else.
I would never do this again…mu wife had two kids different dads…that means fucking two of everything…dads,grandmas,cousins wtf…I spend my money on thier damn kids while they hang out etc..this shit wears me down…I hate being in this situation..I was told by others and didn’t listen when told…don’t ever ever marry a woman with kids never…my wife stress is 3times for me..I try to be the nice guy .good husband ..for better or worse but this is unfair for me..she acts like she doesn’t care of these guys man up or not ..I just want them too take care their own kids wth
I met a girl with 3 kids, a really special girl. Since I met her this very topic has worried me. I have been torn between my heart – which really loves this person – and my head which asks me why I want to take on her responsibilities.
There are 2 fathers and they both do not contribute a cent. She does not have much money and has had a hysterectomy so I cannot kids with her.
And yet I have stuck it out for 9 months because I have never met someone that I truly loved like this girl. I sense though that the love would be drowned by the all the stresses that the kids will bring – as they are not mine. As well as the exes!
She says if you love me then you’ll take on my package and support me with it. You’ll help me with the kids and be a father figure. I agree with what some of the guys have written here. The problem is that they are not your kids and their fathers aren’t doing a thing and you are left to carry the can! How do you reconcile that ?
I look forward to all advice, replies and thoughts.
is it the sex, if so stop and then stand back from it. . I had a situation that was real confusion. also, if your soul isnt relaxed about it, then its not for you..O u must be a pisces or a cancer
Sadly its not the sex. Yes the sex is great because we have such an effortless close connection. But there are weeks when we don’t even have sex because we enjoy each others presence either way.
Yes you are right my soul isn’t relaxed about it because of the expectations on me. I wish I could be a stronger man and be thick skinned and just be able to deal with all the real-life drama around her without being emotionally pulled down.
Never again says
Can I ask you what the ages are of the 3 kids. This does make a difference in a little way. I read in another article that is it is a girl or girls between 8 and 15 you will never NEVER be accepted by them. There are 2 major things that the girls think of at that age. First my mommy already has me so she does not need anybody else and #2 there is nothing in it for them she you are not needed and are in the way. This is what happened to my relationship. I now realize I should have never moved directly in with her and her girls. This was over before it began. Good luck in what ever you decide but think hard about it. You will always be on the outside and never accepted and #4 or 5 or 6 etc. in the mothers life.
The 3 kids are 3, 6 and 12. The oldest is a girl. It seems that I get on with them. But what I struggle with is that I keep getting frustrated because the reason why I am there in the first place is the tremendous love and connection that I feel to this girl.
But the kids obviously demand a lot of her attention and then I sit there and she is “taken” away from me. Perhaps this comes across as immature or selfish. I have never had kids and all I have ever wanted to find was someone that I truly loved. Then I found her but with such a price to pay to the universe for that love.
It tortures me and I truly don’t know what to do ;(
Jonathan , this woman does not love you , you will be the provider , listen to what ppl say , forget about your heart . period !!
suppose she loves you (in fact she doesn’t ) you will have issues with her kids , anyone can claim you molest her /him = jail + you will spend all your paychecks on someelse kids while bio fathers are enjoying the sun in Florida
You are not being immature or selfish. You will always be in the background and never accepted by the children. This is a mess of someone elses issues and problems you are entering into and you do not need this in your life. I just went thru it and I know it is hard. You are willing to accept the package but the playing field is uneven. Believe me I guarentee if you move in with her all will change. The 12 year old will lead the path with her other two siblings and will begin the process of getting you OUT. Out of their lives and especially the MOTHERS life. You are taking her away from them. Her time from them. You are in the way. I am a realist and this is the way it is. Don’t marry her. It will lead to 2 options. You say in the relstionship and be unhappy forever, or you will divorce.
All men (most men) sexually abuse children. Remember the kids always come first – it wasn’t their choice, they didn’t choose you! You choose them as a family a package deal! If you can’t love her children you cannot love all of her because her children are part of her for life, men can come and go but your kids are forever.
Another thing 1 out of 3 girls are abused, physically, mentally and sexually by the mom’s new boyfriend or husband – we already have a new generation of women hating men because of it!
I THINK ITS BEST FOR SINGLE MOM’S TO NOT DATE AND RAISE YOUR BLOODY CHILDREN! AFTER THEY ARE GROWN THEN ITS FINE, MEN ADD MORE STRESS TO THE FAMILY AND SITUATION. MEN AREN’T WORTH IT! Google the amount of abuse stories of the stepfather’s! Most stepfahters are evil, they give a good front, once they knock the mother up, the poor child pays the price.
WOW Shelia you have severe issues. You need help. “All men (most men) sexually abuse children”? All of your statistics are only your sick opinion. Your statements appear to be something from your own experiences maybe? You no nothing about these issues and you should be banned from here.
You must be a man!
a mother has a duty to put her children first and raise them and pay attention to her kids enough kids are neglected because of a Step-father (monster) jealous of her children! He’s a grown man, they are kids!
So I’m out having a few beers with this friend of mine last night and he tells me that his sister is pregnant. She has 3 daughters. Twins age 8 and the oldest is 10.
Father of these 3 kids is a convicted felon that is just now offering some financial support and watches them when he feels like it. However, I see him out at the bars all the time. The new guy and her work at the same place. He’s a good-looking guy, younger than her, with no kids or marriages of his own.
Nobody knows but me, including the father of the three. According to my friend, this guy that was in jail is CRAZY. He has threatened the kids’ mom on numerous occasions and there is history of physical abuse in the past. The new threat is that if she ever hooks up with another guy and there’s a kid on the way, he will punch and kick her in the stomach until the unborn baby dies. Here’s the kicker: These two guys know each other! They obviously haven’t told him yet.
My friend wanted me to hook up with his sister for the longest time and I told him I couldn’t do it in the nicest way possible because I knew what I’d be getting myself into. My question is though, what is this new guy thinking? He was getting laid and that’s cool but I kinda get the feeling that she may have “trapped” him or at least convinced him that unprotected sex was OK. I know she talks about getting married all the time.
She’s a pretty girl but approaching her 40’s and you can see the dark spots starting to form underneath her eyes. She is charming and that’s what gets her the guys. I know the new guy also and wonder if he has made a mistake.
She’s texted me a few times late at night to hint that her life kinda sucks to see if I’ll offer advice or just be a sympathetic ear but I more or less don’t allow the conversation to go that way and try to change the subject.
They’re not my problems and I’m not looking to get involved but can’t help think that I could have easily been the new guy. I will stand on the sideline and watch it all unfold.
First off, no woman can trap a man to get pregnant…only a man can trap a woman to get pregnant…it is the man that controls when he is about to “come” duh? He knocked her up cause he wanted kids, or it just happened…Call the cops, instead of watching waiting for a woman and a unborn baby getting killed – be a gentleman and “good person” and call the police and or tell the other guy – simple!
Just go for something you can manage.life is already challenging. Ur Love life should be the easiest.
Ya know what? You’re right. He could have used protection. He could have pulled out. He may have believed her if she told him she was on the pill or “fixed”, or tubes tied, or something. Who cares if she said, “Go ahead and come in me.” Ultimately he controls if he “goes” inside her or not. Either way, she’s 3 months and beginning to show.
The new guy knows that the ex and father of first 3 is a nut job. As far as I know they haven’t told him yet but he’s bound to find out soon enough.
Too many possibilities as to what the new guy is gonna do. Is he gonna marry her? Will he move in with her and her kids? Will they give the baby up for adoption. Will he just stay at his place and pay child support/day care? What will the ex do when he finds out? Will he just run away? Will her 3 kids accept him? Will they break up or stay together?
Stay tuned.
lol but it is the womans choice to abort if she wanted too, not the mans!
u have lost your marbles.. i hope a man comes into your life who will fuck you right so you can fall for him and realize just how immature and one sided you have become over time as a person.. your like a modern day NAZI-FEMINIST towards every man.. you truly need help.. shit happens.. you need to get over yourself and your past.. WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!! treating GOOD/GREAT men that are nothing like your step father the way you constantly do, makes you no better then your step dad over time.. you need to forgive him truly from deep inside you so that you can learn to accept men in this world again and hopefully find love and happiness (if not with another man, then work on truly loving the person in the mirror) but you wont find it like this.. and dont lie to yourself and say you already have.. you can lie to me but not yourself.. fuck ur step dad he isnt a real man but trust me there is a lot of us out there that are..
P.S. girls arent angels neither okayy?? stop making them out to be ones.. they can act like they are taking birth control and lie.. then who got who pregnant?? ive heard of girls poking a needle threw a closed condom pack to get pregnant also.. anyways forgive him for yourself to become a better person.. i know it hurts girl but your stronger then him.. so stop making yourself look like the victim.. a victim is a weak incapable person.. and as much as i see you portraying yourself as a major bitch with this giant wall you have built (which i cant stand at all).. i can see the beautiful little girl that you truly are that’s been trapped underneath all this hatred for years and she cant wait to be free and blossom in this world.. forgive and you will start to trust and then love without even realizing the real true beautiful kind and loving you that’s been trapped deep deep inside all these years is finally free.. and you will appreciate how wonderful life is.. and yes even the men in it.. now stop the bitchiness that isn’t who you truly are and i don’t even know you.. don’t make me comment again.. get rid of all that anger and forgive him and most importantly yourself.. experience love and life all over again.. i’m only 26 goodbye doll
Update. Apparently things haven’t been going the way they should for her. He hasn’t married her or moved in with her yet and she’s about 3 1/2 months now. On top of that, she informed the crazy ex that she’s pregnant. Don’t know if she said who it was by but the ex and the new guy were once drinking buddies.
Word is that the new guy went over and changed all the locks and she has called into work the last two days.
If I love her, YES.
Love doesn’t conquer all. Be very careful. An option if you want to have a relationship is don’t get married and don’t live together.
I am a mother of a son whom is dating a woman with two girls. To my son and to the single men/women out there; My advice is be smart, ” Do not marry a single mother/father with kids!”
I, as a widowed single mother of three sons can tell you that kids are drama regardless! There is no such thing as perfect kids in this world and problems will always exit as they grow. I love my three sons very much, have and will always be there for them regardless! They have grown to be respectful college educated men now!
My personal opinion is find someone single as you, so that you can grow together and maybe one day, have your own family. There’s a special attachment when you know that they are your children and not someone else’s!
There are so many single men/women out there without children. If your single and without children, Remember that you can be picky of whom you decide to marry because you’re single with no extra baggage? It’s the single men/women with baggage that can’t be? So to you: Single men/women without kids……Be picky and “Do Not” marry Single men/women with kids! There’s no need for extra headaches that belong to someone else…. the missing parent?
wow , i really appreciate the way you talk …..very brave woman
thank you
First off I have to say you are by far the dumbest man alive! Lmao. There are many different types of single moms! One I’m a sine mother who raises her kids by herself! My kids are very respectable and when I get married my kids will respect my husband! He will be that father figure they are missing and I know I’m not some run down car with a lot of miles! I have friends that have sex with multiple niggas everyday and will lie to a dumb dude like you who believes in artificial bull shit and run your fn well dry! Lmao. Your so lost man. Don’t give advice when your lost as mf. I could really shit on you but I’m not. Your just a dummy who will get exactly what he deserves each time he dates.
People with kids should marry people with kids. Let single – childless people start their own families. How cocky is it for a person to believe that they rate the same after having children. This goes for both men and women, but mainly women believe that no matter what they do or their record that they get to put a higher value on themselves than they are actually worth. Deal with reality, a used car “no insult intended” doesn’t hold the same value as a newer car. Men and women, leave the childless people alone. Let them start fresh, no you do not deserve them.
Thank you,Mike.You are a very smart man.Thats the way I feel.Men with kids go with women with kids .women with out.Go with men w/o kids,You will be a lot happy.
The men are completely honest about dating women with children, at what age her children are too young, their limit on the number of children she can have, and more.
Hey, I found this thread while trying to find some third party advice about my current relationship.
First, brief history…I got married @20 and was married for 13 years when my wife left me. We have 2 kids (boy,10 & girl, 8). I am 33. After a year of coping I began dating.
I met a sweet, pretty southern bell (27) and began a relationship. Not far in, she told me that she has been married/divorced 3 times & has 1 child from each (3 total). Of course the red flags went up & I asked her many difficult questions in attempt to see if we had any chance of a successful future together.
We’ve been dating for almost 2 years and she really wants to get married. She works hard and has a carreer, so I know she’s not a gold digger. Approaching 30 and given her history, I know that she does want to settle with me and have a very long term relationship. She wants a sense of family and someone to share life with permanently. There seems to be a lot for her to gain by marriage and commitment, but I have hesitant feelings.
My need for advice is this; I love this woman and am very much a part of her kids lives. Given her history, I struggle with the fact that she has been with many more men than I have been with women. I have only ever been intimate with her and my ex. I did not date casually and am not sure if it’s something I’m able to do. Many of my friends advise that I should go out, date many women and be intimate with them until I find “the right one”.
Having been married for so long and already having 2 kids of my own, should I keep looking? Being the father figure in her kids lives has many times made me feel hurt about not being able to do the same with my own children. I don’t want to pass on a woman that loves me so much and is so commited. I don’t want to hurt her or hurt her kids by leaving. She is beautiful and we share many interests, but there is a shadow of discontentment in my mind. Am I being selfish or asking for too much if I would prefer to find a woman with a relationship history more like my own? She is happy with me and I meet her needs and desires on many levels. Sometimes I resent the fact that she has had so many partners.
I bought her a ring and asked her to marry me. I like to see her happy and want her to have a satisfying life. Together we have 5 kids. Her 3 are around most of the time and I get mine everyother weekend…which opens the issue of my kids. I would love to be able to be more involved with them, but my ex is not a good person. My kids love our time together and do feel intruded on by my relationship and resentful that I’m able to spend more time with her kids than mine.
There are so many things to think about and consider. I know I am what she wants and I want to have a happy and fulfilling life myself as well. I worry about leaving and finding another woman that would be as commited, love and care as much for me as she does.
.
This entire thread and comments reads like a sea of bitterness.
I am glad I came upon this article. I am dating someone who is 6yrs older than me who is a mother of an 8yrs old daughter. The mother and I have been dating for over a year now and I have to say that I do love her. She has been married twice and the daughter is from the second marriage. The mother and I get along great..never a cross word, but the daughter is a pain in the butt, spoiled, defiant, disrespectful, throws fits in public, uncontrollable and from what I have seen, always gets her way , gets what she wants and has her mother wrapped around her finger. I have never been married and don’t have any children of my own. I have been use to being single and have been “on the fence” when it comes to having kids. As for the ex-husbands – the first one is out of the picture, the second one is still in the picture and pays child support. This guy is a piece of work and is borderline psychotic – I think the child gets her behavioral issues from him. I have basically told her that unless she gets a handle on her child and she has a 360 change in attitude that I couldn’t see myself ever marrying her. I also said I think we would be setting ourselves up for failure otherwise. What really gets me is that she doesn’t ever offer any solutions to this problem. I have asked several times what she thought, but I get nothing..only an “explanation” as to why her daughter acts the way she does. I have also heard that children such as the one described will get a step-father in a heap of trouble by simply lying..case in point: a friend of the family married a woman w/ a child and the child accused him of “fondling” her. The dude is now in the federal pen. Another case in point: another friend of the family who is in a wheel chair was also accused of “fondling” his step-daughter..he too is in the federal pen! The reason I mention this is because both of these individuals would NEVER do that and its believed the children and/or mother conspired for this to take place. Lastly, and given these aforementioned situations, I feel the daughter of this woman I am dating would lie about something like this to get a male/father figure out of the picture because of her personality and how possessive she is of her mother. As of this writing and from what I have read from some of the experiences on here, I’m leaning towards not ever committing to her. Any advice is appreciated.
I can tell you are a pedophile…its very rare that a man will be accused by a small child…generally the case is the MAN is not the victim! the innocent child is and she is only a little girl, you need to do this family mother and daughter a favour and get away from them before you destroy their lives. I can stop a pedophile just by the way you type, you are setting up a trap or away out to warn everyone what is to come! You plan on hurting this young 8 year old child, whom is not even started puberty shame on you…to think this..proves you plan on something – i hope you get caught and reality check most “mom’s boyfriends” are the predator type! I hope her daddy beats the crap out of you! I’m sure he’s going to be watching you around his little girl.
Spot* not stop
You are a damaged person who is projecting their issues onto every situation. You hate men. Therefore, your opinion is irrelevent because you lack balance and perception.
1st if I was you I wouldn’t have a child by her because you will be responsible for how ever many kids she currently has..if the situation doesn’t feel right to you just leave fuck it..worse case you will be one of serveral fathers(don’t you want better in life) just look for better and think of yourself 1st cuase if u don’t who will
I am not a pedophile! I honestly don’t know how you interpreted what I said to think that..a testament to your intellect I suppose and you seem to be exactly the type I am seeking to avoid! You totally twisted what I said and your comments are disregarded
Simple think of sexual assult on a child before you be around her, tell stories of many “innocent” men and believe them over the child, as if the child actually made it all up…cause going to court and being in therapy is always fun for young children from 3 to 12 years. You don’t know your friends when they are alone with the child do you? so please spare us the stories of the other men! This is an issue – the child comes first, you have no business between the child and her mother…remember your only boyfriend/husband number 3! her daughter is for life you can come and go, what you do and how you act the child will notice, children are quiet perceptive! Again you don’t know kids, because you never had them, she is acting like all other kids her age – nothing different, go to any other family you come into a situation where the child is already developed and set in her ways, who are you to say anything? you can’t love this child like her mother or her father can. So if you cannot love this little girl like your own daughter then you cannot be with this woman! Your a danger!
*you’re not your…sheesh i’m tired today.
speaking from my experience ,I would never again marry a woman with kids.the fathers expect u take provide 100% for children that are not yours and the children are 7/10 times very ignorant about the situation.i suggest get the milk but don’t buy the cow…sometimes it does work out but for me I prefer a woman with no kids so we can start something together in life.not taking on her and how many ever kids she has and their father or fathers,and extended family.
I met my wife in college. She was a single mom of 2. A boy and girl. The boys father was a deadbeat and the little girls father had died. She was 8 years older than me but she was fine. I first thought she was an underclassmen. Anyway, she was mature, well spoken, and her kids were good kids. Very respectful to everyone always said yes mam/sir. I raised those kids as my own private school, gymnastics, dance, etc. We had one child together. We have been married 10 years. Our oldest son is in college. It can work with the right woman…maybe some of you should take a look in the mirror and figure out why you’ll are ending up with these crazy women. I love my wife and my kids.
its a blessing it work out for you and your family.I would never do it again and advise all men and women to just be aware of what they getting into 1st..everybody situation is different and its a beautiful thing when it works out..
Never ever do it again ever if you want whats best for yourself mate on even terms – dont take on baggage heck you have neough of your own – never its better ebing alone and lonely than being in a relationship where u are always 2 nd – want kids make your own
Her kids. ..can you pay maintenance after ….u are a liar
Superb, what a website it is! This website gives helpful information to us, keep it up.
My name is Katya am from united kingdom i married for 25 years but no child to call my own my mother in-law was calling me all kinds of name i prayed for God to give me a child i did every thing i could do visit many doctors to no what is wrong with my body system but the doctor said nothing is wrong with me then i said to my self what is wrong,a friend of my said to me that i should adopt a child at the first time i never want to do that but things was not easy with me i cook and eat alone no child to eat with me i was living in the dark,so one day i make up my mind and i said to my self i want to adopt a child i discuss it with my husband and he refuse that at the first place after few months my husband called me and he said he needs a child and he is nothing getting any younger,that was how we visit BABY CENTER AGENCY to adopt a child we love him and his name is kelvin,kelvin came to be part of our family we take him as our child we adopt him when he was just only 5 months,so after 3years God did a wonderful thing in my life i got pregnant at the age of 40years i later gave birth to a child,as i speak to you all the is viewing this my testimony about BABY CENTER AGENCY i have 2 biological children a male and a female include kelvin so what am trying to say now is that is good to adopt children God uses children to bless us,and a child brings children to the home so if you need a child for adoption then contact BABY CENTER AGENCY with this email: babycenteragency@outlook.com but always have fate in the lord thanks be to God for my life am telling you now that you will celebrate and have every reason to thank the lord our God,thanks to you all.
Soooo true life is hard enough with out more drama and crazy shit ya had no place creating Right on
I have a general question me and my gf have been dating for almost 3yrs she has a 4yr old that does whatever he wants she doesn’t discipline due to the fact that her mother would jump down her throat and we always argue about that I grew up with respecting my family and elders by saying yes sir/ma’am but he don’t I mean one day we were in the store and a elderly woman wason one of the mobile carts and her son wasn’t watching where he was going and almost ran into the lady but her son had the nerve to tell the older woman “WATCH IT GRANDMA” I was soo embarrassed but what made e mad was that she didn’t say anything to her son we got into it cause I thought it was rude but she didn’t but her and her family are rude ppl. But the thing that gets me is that she see’s us as a family where on the other hand I see her and her son and her baby daddy as a family and i”m just the outsider but she gets mad when I tell her that but my question is. Is it wrong for me to thin like that I mean the kid is cool its just I want my own kid and my own family not to be added into a family that’s not mine since i’m not trying to replace the father .. Just wanted to know if that makes me sound like an asshole just because I don’t see them as my family but as their own family until me and her have a child then I can say I have a family but the kid isn’t mine so he is not family to me since i’m just dating a woman who already has a family its just broken…. please give me answers idc bad or good I just want everybody honest opinion…
Dont marry her no matter how much it feels right that you love each other it absolutely will come back to haunt – I have killed myself trying to be the best step father at the behest of my own happiness – it doesnt work you will always be 2nd or 3rd yuo deserve better in life
Not as ass**ole…find a single woman ….no woman with a kid/s is worth it …love does NOT conquer all,,,,find a baggage free woman and build a life with her….run before it’s too late
Most of these stories sadden me. What happen to being good step fathers? Why cant step fathers love there children. Yeah it may be different but so what. They are children who need love and a positive remodel. Why is it so hard to love children that’s no yours by blood? I just don’t understand. If your in love with a person who has children why wouldn’t you love her kids also? Grow up men and be a man.
It doesnt work no matter how hard you try – the better this would work if you move far away from the spouse – far far away even more so when he is an asshole
yes please come & love my 2 bitchy filthy disrespectful wasteful ugly black step daughters !
please show us …..it just doesn’t fucking work no matter how much me and my wife love each other
the (kids) no more teenagers 19 , 23 still fucking at home
I m dating a woman few years older than me, she is going thru her divorce now and has a 6 year old boy.. this kid is d most indisciplined kid I hv ever come across e.g. he craps and pees his pants coz he feels too lazy to go to the loo while playing games.. we took him to the doctor and there seems to be no medical problem with this brat.. I really like this woman and want to be with her but I m shit scared.. I cannot take drama and my peace of mind is d most important thing for me.. Also, I hv no parenting skills plus his mother is extremely defensive abt this kid.. my questions are.. 1. Would I do justice to this kid if I get married to his mother. 2. I want to have a child of my own too.. would this relationship adversely effect my child. 3. Would all this really be one big sacrifice/compromise in the end coz thats surely not what I want..
Note- Im fairly successful in my career and make a good living..and I am aware that there are fer girls who want to go out wid me.. sayibg all this to put things into perspective. ..
Please help this is killing me already .
Absolutely true – so so so true nothing you do ever makes you important
As a woman, I would never advise any of my sons to marry a women with dependent children, especially young ones, unless they are fine with being secondary (and they don’t have to get married to do that). They will be coming into a situation where they will be the outsider. The mother will almost never put her second husband above her kids, and she’s not being a wife if she doesn’t.
I was In similar circumstances and it was exactly that.always secondary in the relationship and providing for kids who there wasnt a even playing ground..it was time wasted
can i still marry her? we have been dating for the past four years, later get preglant to another guy, but refuse to marry the guy again, she said am the right person for her to marry, but i still love her so much. what should i do?
Run Forest Run!!!
Well…. I am a hispanic single mother of 4. – 3 boys, 1 girl. I am dating a single man, no children we are both in our early 30’s. We met in middle school and after graduating we went our separate ways. (Never dated) Reunited at our high school reunion began dating and now we’re engaged to be married next month. My children are definitely not disrespectful and DO NOT RUN MY LIFE. I am mom and provide for them. He helps me out with bills and out of the kindness of his heart he will buy stuff for them when they have earned it. He is asain and believes in respect and hard work. We have had our ups and downs but have learned to live with each other and he is happy with all of us.
He does want a child of his own so next yr we will have a baby. My kids are 15,14,12 and 7. All 3 boys are teens and have never disrespected him at all. So it CAN happen. Single mothers have to teach respect and be consistent when it comes to discipline and always love& talk to their children.
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An outstanding share! I have just forwarded this onto
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And he in fact ordered me breakfast due to the
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Thanks for the meal!! But yeah, thanx for spending the
time to discuss this matter here on your blog.
Well… Where do I start…
The most I realize now is that I made biggest mistake in my life yet! I married a woman with a 5 year old girl. This brat was never tought simple manners! My wife never knew about any basic parenting. They would go to bed at 11-1:30 at night, watch adult TV, play in the bed iphone etc. I mean this little girl could hit her, yell at her, demand whatever she wants! There is no respect to adults or to her own mother. I’ve put up with this for 9 month, got plenty of stress, visits to doctor and… Most sadly I lost my Mom. These two just exploited our house to the extent I still can’t comprehend. I have so much to say, but battery is dying. I’ll check back here and will post more details. Simply put – DO NOT EVER get involved with woman who was a child!
I koved my ex wife but her situation amd her kids was too much for anyone to put up with..in the long term I know o am better off without all her extra baggage and issues..I refuse to deal with women now who have more than 1 child and they better be able to support thier own child..life is too short to settle for less than your worth..of I take care of my own kids everyone should. Sometimes it takes more than just LOVE. .
Dude I feel u been there done that
I was in a relationship with a women with one child and when we decided to get serious I wasn’t at all coy about how mine and her son’s relationship would be. She was kind of cross with me over the whole idea but the way I looked at it was she chose to keep the boy’s father in the picture. I wasn’t going to discipline him any because he had a father for that and it was not my place. I loved the boy dearly and told her after a few arguments over this issue finally this and I really hated to throw anyone’s dirty laundry around. You talk about how your boy loves his father when his grandmother is the only one to come get him. You chose joint custody and look he pays no support so why is the child on medicade? Why do you buy all this child clothes? I told her if she wanted so badly for my help to raise her child that she had to stand up do what’s right for her child’s sake and give his dad a ultimatum. Then if unheard take action and Id be behind her 100%. If she wanted so much for me to be his dad cause it was obvious he didn’t have one I told her to get his dad to sign his rights over and when me and her married Id be his dad and give him my name and promise to love him just as much as my very own if we had anymore children. It wasn’t too much longer after I finally pushed that issue I could see some sarcasm’s in some expressions of hers that she wanted to argue a point but the truth gave her no legs to stand on. But after 3 years and a very short engagement it ended.
I was raised with the belief in God all my life. I believe people make mistakes and should be forgiven. But when you do it again it isn’t a mistake anymore. I never claimed to be the smartest, wisest, or most faithful of people. But I do know whoever you make a child from if they haven’t been saved and severed their ties to their sins they will be passed on to their children. From what I have seen not every time that is true but mostly it is. We all have good and evil crap from both our parents. I used to think women had just as much strength in conscious decision making as men when making good choices in their lives. I don’t mean to be so harsh because I understand it takes two to make a child. But of the two who carries the child? Usually when things go sour the women becomes the primary parent. So from the looks of things in a lot of ways women to me should get more of a handle on who you procreate with since you control it so much. If you gals set higher standards and required more from men as far showing we worked and stood for some good things. You could control a lot of how far men will go for you. I know this will piss the modern day women off but it will always be true and has always been true. Once you lose your virtue, you lose your respect from a man. That is the cornerstone of all the hell we put women through. That simple and its true. Men wont admit it cause we all have a side of our sexual urges that hates it and it is the one thing a women can use that can undoubtedly control us. And look how women in America think that such a thing is stupid. How long will you girls let us keep manipulating you for our gratification. Because use your brains. After your looks are gone, you really think men will open the door for you outa respect anymore? Not if your living like present day society. We as men have trained women to flaunt and exploit themselves and throw away their respect for our affections. And women didn’t get upset about it or have any objections or even have a clue. Just as I said, I used to think women had just as much strength in good, conscious decisions as men. And now look what example we set for our children. You want to talk about family and how proud of the ones you love? How many men and women today feel bad about making there child a bastard? Look how many that has thrown away good values and beliefs and walk around like its nothing. And no one, not schools, churches, television, and worst yet society will speak out against how wrongful broken homes are because over half our country has screwed up and I have noticed when its something a whole lot of people are guilty of two things happen. Those guilty point out wrongs of anyone around them even if it has nothing to do with the whole subject at hand if anyone confronts them. Second they’ll always have an excuse to condone what they do that is wrong is justified or isn’t so bad. And what do you know look at what your teaching your kids and we wonder why marriages are crap and we have people with 3-4 kids by different men and women in one family.
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I married a woman with three boys. Age 12, 10, and 5. We dated for several years on and off, before I finally put my foot down and told her we either tie the knot legally or we split ways. We married in 2012. Her oldest is now 23, her middle one 21 and her youngest 16
Right off, I should have ran the other way and here is why.
Men, if you come into a woman’s life and she already has children, do not expect that you will ever be on par with her in your relationship. You will always be the one in the family with the least say. You will never be her equal in any capacity. Those children will always defer to her for anything they need without regard to your marital status or how it affects you, your hope, your dreams, your morals or your future.
I don’t know who said this, but it IS TRUE in most cases.
“But frankly I think this is a nightmare you won’t easily awake from. The kids have absolutely no stake in the success of the relationship, and do not see their mother’s relationship with any man other than their father as being beneficial to them.”
This has been my experience.
Simply put, the children don’t care about you and WHEN they go to their mom and she doesn’t tell them that she needs to discuss what they bring to her with her husband/man first before acting on it, then she also does not respect you. Instead, she defaults to the child and empowers them over you. Essentially what this shows is that she regards her position in the marriage unit as her being the sole authority.
When this happens, it sends a clear message to her husband/man and her children that she is the one in charge. There is no equality in this type of situation. The marriage is meaningless without a united front. A woman who does this to her man does not respect him, nor does she value him. Nor is she living by her marriage vows to him. If she lets her own children come between you, it is highly likely that she will allow others, including other men to do so as well.
I tried to set boundaries early on. Here is what I got for my trouble. I was told to shut up by the kids. I was told to stay out of it by the mom.
Eventually, I watched and withdrew and felt like an outsider who was only good to pay the bills and do work around the home. The decisions being made were not discussed between my wife and I. Instead, the kids came to her and she made the choices or allowed them to do so. There was no structure, no discipline, no moral reasoning. Chaos is the only way to describe what went on.
The kids stopped going to school, they ate whatever and whenever they liked, they had friends stay for weeks on end. They played video games and watched television into the early hours of the morning. They came and left at all hours. There was no structure and no moral reasoning. What I wanted didn’t matter.
I told myself that things would improve once the kids grew up and left the home. Instead things got worse, MUCH worse. The oldest still feels that he can dictate what goes on in the home even when he no longer lives there. He actually beat the crap out of me when I tried to stand up and claim my rightful place in the home as his moms equal and the one who pays the bills. His actions showed that he needed to make a point of showing he was still in charge. Me being disabled and him being an amature MMA fighter didn’t matter to this young adult. What mattered to him was proving to me that he was still in charge.
The second oldest and I have by far gotten along the best of her brood, however, he has no ambition. Instead, he now lives in his moms camp trailer with his girlfriend by the side of the house. He doesn’t have a job and it doesn’t look like he is interested in getting one any time soon. That being said, he is the one I respect the most of the three, because it seems he at least doesn’t feel the need or deep seated desire to prove to me that I don’t belong.
The youngest, now 16 says that it is HIS home and he will do whatever he wants. NEWSFLASH, the punk doesn’t pay the bills, go to school or contribute in any positive fashion. He is selfish and has a FALSE sense of being entitled, which was fostered by his mom in his earlier years by giving him everything he wanted, without him doing anything to earn it.
Even when she finally put her foot down and stopped doing so, this child still believes he has a right to do as he pleases. So, now he just takes what he wants, violates other peoples space or belongings and is rude, foul mouthed, destructive and hostile when he does not get his way. This has escalated to the point that not only I, but his mom has been forced to call the police and he has been arrested. However, he is back at it again hours or days later.
The mom (my wife) finally woke up and started to try to turn things around as shown by her willingness to call the police on her own son, but she still does everything without considering my part in it. She doesn’t look to our future, she only concentrates on the life she currently lives. This is the life she built for her and her boys and ALLOWED me to tag along with. I only say this, because she rigidly refuses to make plans with me for our married future together. Instead, she still stubbornly clings to the life she had prior with preference to her children.
To suffice, I finally left the home, because of the threats of bodily harm, the fights, the theft and the destruction of property. There is no compunction for anyone there to care about my thoughts, feelings or plans. Nothing has changed. It has only evolved to a new level of stupidity.
That is NOT how I want to live my life.
I love my wife, but I do not condone the way she defers to her children instead of to me as her husband.
In closing, if you intend on marrying a woman with children who are not your own, be prepared to sacrifice any hopes and dreams you may have so that her children can use you as their springboard, punching bag and scapegoat to get ahead in life, without any consideration from them for how you feel, what your expectation are, or how you want your life to be.
If you can’t discipline a womans children, they will never respect you.
If your woman won’t allow you to be the man in all things and instead, places her children on that pedestal, then walk away and don’t look back!!!!!!
Well we know what the first mistake was but besides all that
you invested many years of your life, if I were
you I won’t let no punk kids run me off even if they were violent
even the 16 year old was thinking he was a bad a$$, the other two are grown men the problem was the home like you said they all think the home belongs to them and so with that they would never respect you, and you would never have any kind of authority. But the answer was right In front of your face it was territorial. So you could ask what would I have done. So if I was going to stand up and fight for my wife first she would have to except that you both would have to leave/sell that house and move as far away as possible, and I mean like other State with severely between and must be preferable a Gun friendly state, and all would have to be done under cover I wouldn’t even let them know anything just be gone one day, I would have made my firearms license and trained because you have to be able to protect your self from violent people and you know who you have to protect your self from, and this is how it works, now if any of them punks would end up on my door step YES MY DOOR STEP uninvited with any kind of threats or violence they would be met with deadly force. Now its my territorial so now they have no business even being there, and I would have the right to protect my self and it does not matter who it is if someone is willing to do you bodily harm then it’s game over.
So now they would have to make it in the real world where they have no one to intimidate.
What a shame that this thread which was intended to be a dialogue for men was taken over by single moms who want to voice their unsolicited opinions and let us all know that “they’re not like that.” Other women (e.g. The Child Who Paid The Price) are outright manhaters who have littered thse comments with trashtalk.
Thank you to the men who spoke out here. Your messages were received.
My girlfriends 32 year old baby boy turned into an nightmare of biblical proportions. This momma was so into her poor baby boy Chris I was constantly led down a road to help the mommas boy financially. Helping him with 2000.00 worth of rent and food money only got him to ask for 18,000.00 more to cover is 10 year old college bills. Stupid me obliged with a personal check. When his $ money problems never ended, and I offered baby boy 5000.00 more after the moron drove his car with out any oil???? Yeah, Chris is a girls name too, I was informed by his momma I was attacking him. I wish someone would attack me with a 5000.00 offer. I cut my losses on that pile of users and left immediatly! Oh and 37 year old sis wanted to borrow 6000.00 too! The Kellys of Coral Springs are total scumbags!!
I met a single mother, she has two kids from previous failed relationship and another giro from ver second relationship…six months after dating her, my life changed, I was confused, I was stressed, I knew loneliness, etc.
It has been one of the worst nightmares I had ever lived…
I went in and out of this relationship with her, I received comparisons, I became a worker for her, sexual slave, etc.
I’m glad I didn’t marry her, am glad I didn’t had to deal with another Guy’s sperm kids
Dont be deceived that u r in love with some mama or papa coz the end result is unhappiness for you. Wait for a single woman or man and get married to a person who has your time! Single parents are a very hard paper to deal with! Let them carry their burdens alone! Actually RUN for your freedom and happiness!
Never marry a women with kids!
Dont marry women with kids! hell no.
Single people should marry themselv
great posts. i have read all comments. wow. don’t marry a woman with kids even if you love her to death. trust me. u will always be second in everything and she will use you directly or indirectly for financial needs or physical/emotional needs. i have gone thru a similar situation to some here. its how i found the post.
i am so glad there are guys out there who reason and resonate the same thing. i was so distraught with my situation. don’t marry single mothers, if you’re in a relationship with them keep it to friendship, or casual sex, but never commit to them. u will inherit the last man’s troubles and will never be treated as special as you would if you had a woman with no kids. i would rather not to have kids ever if i wont be sure about the relationship. don’t settle for less of what you are truly worth. LOVE THIS PAGE!!!!
I am so glad to tell you that i am a happy mother today after so many years of humiliation.The doctor told me that i will never get pregnant because my tubes were tied.i lost hope and decided to pack out of my matrimonial home to my parents,not until a friend introduced me to DR.OKOSUN AYEMERE.i contacted him and did every thing i was asked to do,low and behold i got my positive result in two weeks and some days.
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Hi everyone…. I have a story and some insight to all this….
I was in a relationship with a young single mum over a year and a half ago, we origignaly were neighbours and then got into a passionate relationship and moved together…
I knew she had her child and she was only 8 months! But the father wasnt in her life at the time as he bailed when she got pregnant then assaulted her.
I should have been more aware of all the red flags but she seemed like a decent girl, some issues like real bad anger and mood swings all that sort of stuff people with BPD get.
We’ll we move together after some time and I help her raise her daughter, while she worked a job i helped her get which paid good too , I was feeding baby dinner , bathing , playing with her all that stuff dads do I guess.
Even saw her first steps and also words!!!! (daddy)
Was an amazing experience as I didnt think I’d settle and have kids!
Well I think her immaturity got in the way and as you can imagine all her stress from a baby and a part time job , all she does is take her anger out on me 24/7 and all the crap some woman do at times.
I confront her about it but its like banging my head against a brick wall, shes out of control and everything is my fault. So after some time she leaves and then does things that made me lose repect for her , including trying to use her child to lead me on..
Im no saint , Im just a decent guy with a big heart……
Is this what a man like me deserves??!!
I know not all women are like this , but it seems ive heard of it ALOT these days…and then woman can say men are arseholes!?
I spent so much effort time and also my own money on her daughter and her also and all I got was at the end of it….
“you never made me happy, I was so miserable with you…” her words!!!
This really got to me and hurt me so much I actually sorta look at women and single mothers very differently now….
I know there not all alike because a friend had a child with one and shes not like that, but the point im trying to make is, I just think its a massive gamble to take on someone elses baggage like this.
And to be honest the actual father should be the target of her anger but he isnt , she actually is friends on facebook with him and shares all her info with him on her while I am forgotten about……
The daughter calls me DADDY for fksakes!!!!
I know my ex had some issues but shes a great mother and actually not a bad person, she needs to realise that men like me dont come around often, she should be lucky to ever have had me.
I was never appreciated at the end of it all and still havent! lol
So yeah….I just think for guys wanting to take on a woman with children , make sure you use logical thinking…
Just becasue she is good looking and makes you feel great at first dosent mean it will always be great, think of the future and her involvement with her father of her children and also ask yourself can you love the kids as much your own and not mind spending all your time and money on them??
I loved her child so much and still do and i really miss her but just dont see any point in being with somone with so much baggage in life when I did nothing but be a great partner to her and her child.
Women say they want a decent guy but then most of the time they dont appreciate them, but hey maybe one day she will regret all of this and want me back! hahahahaha
Be carefull men its dangerous and like my friends even said , I would have had two kids in the end and who knows what situation i would have been in.
Love only goes so far with some people….
Dan,
You truly sound like a gentleman, and the best step father & husband anyone could have. Giving several year of your life to a woman, raising her undisciplined kids, and you got nothing to show for at the end….. (John, Kim, and many others I see are good men, who’re all tried working it out with the woman who they loved.) I AM WORRIED ABOUT HAVING A FUTURE LIKE THAT, AND IT IS QUITE POSSIBLE……………FOR ANY OF US, WHERE THE MOM TAKES NO STEPS!
Our background * * * * * * I am so deeply in love with my fiancee that I can’t even think outside of her. She has 2 rotten kids. Boy 8 / Girl 6. I loved them initially. Heck I would even love her cat, her friends & family because I love this lady very much. But her kids are soooo undisciplined, spoiled by her, and get to do whatever they want. They bad mouth her, don’t listen to any instruction, will cry randomly when they don’t get their way, and she’ll give in quickly. On many occasions they have kicked and punch her for a while, and she does nothing. The EX is a deadbeat as you can imagine. He sees them once a week or so. He has no worry or concern about their education, future, manners, or how they grow up. She cares and is the sole provider for kids, but does nothing for their growth or development. I honestly care about their personal growth and how they are today, or would turn out in future.
We have known each other for years, but started dating 3 years ago. Got engaged last year. We’re in early 40’s. I’ve no kids of my own. She earns good and provides for kids, doesn’t financially depend on anyone. I have a good job as well. We’re both good looking people, and would have no trouble in finding someone else. * * * * * * * *
We both love each other so much, like we’re consumed by each other. She’s amazing as a person and a guy would be lucky to have her as a wife. I’m amazing too, I treat her like a queen. She loves me a lot too, and we both are good at expressing. However, since we’re talking marriage now, some hidden agendas are coming to surface…………..
We talk about “US”. But there’s no “US / WE”. It’s all about her kids.
In her own silent ways, I feel I come 3rd in her life (after the 2 kids). I don’t even mind that……if she would give me the space as HER MAN. I don’t want her taking away anything from the kids – but rather we both contribute positively towards their growth, and have OUR Personal time as well. We talk about future, but she lives only in present, and makes no effort to establish a foundation, where we could have a future.
She’s not just raising kids, she to completely “Consumed” by them, rather obsessed by her kids. I tell her if they were my kids (and I treat them as mine), I would give them space to make mistakes, fall down, play, etc….but I would also keep a control in the house, disciple and ensure they “understand” parents run the house, not kids. Kids just tag along where the parents take them. It’s funny we can’t go to post office, because little Billy doesn’t like it, or can’t go visit my relatives, because princess Brittany doesn’t like it there! Who is making sacrifices here in this relationship? ONLY me! Because kids get what they want, mom gets…well she gets whatever her kids want. And I get nothing… We eat, watch TV, go places, or movies and do things only that HER KIDS want. Hummmm…. What’s my role in this, I’m expected to be Okay with it and (again) Tag along. Oh, and she thinks we’re a family and since we’re engaged, we should be getting married soon….(And I dare not discuss finances because she’s an “independent” woman. She and the kids will do whatever they want with her finances. My input is never welcomed). And I am the better one with finances. So far so good…but we’re talking about future. And I’ve yet to see any platform or foundation being made by her.
I know how this should be handled (probably leave her). But too many memories, too much love, too much pain & heartache. And Goddamn it I love her, to an extent she doesn’t realize.
************************************ADVISE PLEASE******************************************
********************MY Thoughts****************
So I researched the topic, like you all. Being SINGLE MOTHER isn’t a crime, she has all the right to re-start her life with a new man. Treating him THIS way is a crime in my books, or by any standard of a traditional Marriage. I’m sure there are moms (like a couple I have seen here, or personally know) who PLAN for FUTURE. But most single moms it seem don’t want to make any change in their Pre-Made Family, and want a guy to Tag along…. That would be a fake family, ladies…… (if you’re reading)
FOLLOWING ARE MY VIEWS, PLEASE TELL ME WHAT AM I THINKING WRONG!
It is sooooo surprising and seems so “common”, that these women do NOT love you the same way you love them. They come from a broken marriage/relationship, have kids with a “deadbeat”; then find a wonderful man to love, who accepts HER “baggage” and kids made from another man, and still loves the kids and her. She hooks him in with LOVE – but where’s the real love if she and her children show no respect for him, his feelings, his space, and acknowledge his place in the family. Truth is there is NO family. Like someone said, “she has a pre-made family, and just wants you to TAG ALONG”. While that may seem Okay in the dating phase, but if the relation gets serious or you’re looking to get married (like most of us), she needs to know the first thing about “Marriage”. Your husband comes 1st. We live in the modern society, but marriage is still and Old Tradition. Either live together like “fuck buddies” (have the modern relationship), or if you want to really become a Wife and have a Husband – respect that relationship of Marriage, and understand, marriage comes 1st, then anything else. Otherwise, you’ll have a 2nd, 3rd, 4th Divorce and never really have a marriage. OR your can be a sugga-mama to another deadbeat.
It is very unfair to the new husband that he be treated any differently or gets a 2nd/3rd/4th place in her life. * * * * * * * In her mind – she’s been through the circus of having a husband, honeymoon, pregnancy, kids, etc…..and so the new husband is just a companion for life she wants now. Although she masks it with words like “Family, Husband, Wife, US, WE…blah blah blah. In her mind, he’s a companion who fulfills her EMPTY STOP that she’s missing* * * * * * * That’s a fact. And if you bring up these issues, she will look at you like “you’re not good enough, you knew what you’re getting into, don’t expect me to change, this is how I’ve been doing things before you came along, etc, etc * * * * * * * *
However, for a man (especially who has no kids of his own), she is HIS (or would be) WIFE. This marriage is as sacred to him as anyone getting married for the first time. He will love her, respect her, be there for her, and be a role model for her kids. He must be a GREAT man (yes, I said great) who will accept all her and her kids’ drama (including a deadbeat ex for life), sacrifice his personal time, quality of life, money, etc for the sake of love and marriage. And if he’s a decent man, he deserves ALL that (and more) back in return. It is up to HER to make him #1 priority in her life – that is if she truly wants a “Husband”, and not a bed companion for life. And stop masking the facts with words like, love, we, us, family, future, etc!!!
How is it fair, or even acceptable to any human to over look the sacrifice this man is making? He doesn’t get to date her like he could a childless woman, because she usually has no time due to kids. He allows her to spend “their” money on them, without having any say in what is necessary. Yes, I said “THEIR”. We’re still talking about a marriage, aren’t we? It’s supposed to be combined, after marriage. And if his opinion/decision doesn’t matter, then how is it a “functional family”? How is this really even a Marriage? Because childless man & a woman would treat a marriage, as it should treated traditionally and finances, decisions, etc are all mutual. How to raise kids is also mutual. If this woman wants to bring “her” rules, or wants to continue living her life as it was prior to marriage, and it’s only her kids, then she NEVER did get married. They only want us to Tag along!!!
* * * * * * * * * * (I realize some guys here are not married, but you’re here because you’re serious in your relationship and looking at marriage, and have similar issues – out of which 100% of them are kids related. And yet we love our women so much. But we still are on the verge of breaking up, or have broken up with our love)* * * * * * * * *
I don’t automatically dis women with kids. I personally know a couple of such cases where the woman had set boundaries, set discipline, and good parenting skills, “BEFORE” the new man even came in her life. So for the kids, it’s easier to continue that formula. The man has a foundation to step into, and a family can be made. However, if she has allowed her kids to run her life, she needs to make a choice if she ever wants to get married, or continue letting kids boss around. As we have seen with many guys right here – the relation WILL break eventually. Kids will turn out to be deadbeats, and will hold you down for Life. Romance is first to go, then sex, then love, and then the marriage. We may continue loving these women, but they are making it very difficult for us to stay.
I just wanted to talk out loud, because I’m hoping someone will understand.
Let me also add….what all I have written isn’t just about the new man/husband. Having a functional family benefits ALL. The kids are raised with morals, values, manners, and receive a good education, hence becoming successful and a positive pillar in the society.
Kids raised without such discipline… Well, look at the welfare system of this country, the jails, and continued broken families… That’s the tradition you’re setting for the future generation, if the house is “out of order”. There!!! THIS is facts, figures, above love and absolute truth.
So single moms – in the end you’re scaring your husband’s feelings for life, your relationship/marriage (you’ll probably be looking for anther guy, because you’ll be divorced again and again), hurting yourself, your kids’ future, and the future of this society. Can you dig it???? So yea, sitting on your ass doing nothing – doesn’t help Anyone!!!!
yes ,marrying a divorced woman with kids ( specialy daugthers ) isnt a good deal
guys keep away
Ive got 5 children i want 2 get married different fathers
Believe it or not life is short
Take care of someone else’s responsibility .why add the extra stress.
The man who wrote this article is an asshole!
U actualy help us with ua informative,thanx
Sincerely most of the guys or men in here have just shown that they are human…and the ladies should not blame them either…Mistakes have been made either by the male or the female but that should not mean the world should come to an end…They also have a right to still live and enjoy their life …Anyways My simply contribution, if you are aware of the issue you are about to plunge yourself into and you feel you are strong enough to fight the storm when it comes then kindly go on but if you can’t then don’t bother dating the lady then break her heart because of selfish pleasures……I have one in hand am still considering and we are at the point of really making the final decision…If its possible we do it if not we keep been friends and i move on….Prayer will do the trick…People have married single or triple mothers and are living happily ever after so….I simply feel it makes you more serious and committed to work and having a brighter future…..
I think your point of view is very narrow minded and childish! In this day and age women are left to look after children from previous relationships all of the time, whereas the man is free to do what he likes! Why does having children make the woman damaged goods if a man truly loves the woman he will love her and everything that comes with her children and all. Maybe it takes a strong man to do this
from my experience, the children are fine to deal with.its more on the mom. She carries a ton of inner conflicts and now the man is left in between trying to fix it all
I as well as my girlfriend, have alot of baggage. Today we have both come along way and still suffer consequences of careless livong when we were younger. My past haunts me and she does nothing but help me to focus on the positive. She really brings out the best in me. When we met she said she had a daughter. It is a part of who she is. It is a part of what makes her so great. Im cool with kids and this little girl really did steal my heart. A kid is also much more demading than I thought when all O had to do was buy her ice cream and I was superman.But its all just a part of the dream I have been waiting for. Go with your gut. If she is worth it, give her all she needs and she will always give you so much more. If not, leave that poor gorl alone. You might keep her from meeting the man they need.
Thanks sounds awesome Michael c ..so glad it work out 4u..in some situations things work out for the best but I’m others it’s best not to take on someone else’s kids situation. Guess it’s a case by case senario.Imo I prefer women without kids or dependant. .I would never date an women with kids again never ..but if u do look b4 u leap
DE
am dating a single mother with two kids. she’s older 5 yrs than me. very caring .she handles her kids issues alone and gets me along later. She sometimes sound abusive to me when there is an issue.i really love her kids more than her cos the kids respond to correction.we have plans getting married. but it seems it wouldn’t work with time . please advise
I am a single mother of 5. I just broke up with a guy over this same topic. He has two sons and wants a daughter and I am still able to bare children. I also have a gorgeous 7 year old whose father has passed. This was my late husband who met me when I already had 3 children. A daughter and two sons. My husband drove himself crazy thinking I may have still cared for the previous father(s) but I did not. I was whole heartily in love with my husband. He changed my two boys last names to his and adopted him and gave me my daughter. We made have had problems concerning many other things but never the children. It takes a man that is ready! Though he was a bachelor, he already had a 5 bed room home , cars , property, etc he had been a husband before and knew that most woman already have kids. He could’ve chosen one without but im sure she wouldn’t have been as vesitile as I. I cooked cleaned catered to him cut everyone hair, assisted him in all three of his businesses, washed, folded irons and helped with lawn work. A younger woman may have drain his accounts. And been way less supportive because she just wouldn’t have known what it took. He also had two children .my step kids loved me as I then. I hate he passed because we built what many people on here are saying is impossible. My kids respected him and he tore into them like a father should. This man loves us and pays the bills. So if my kids were wrong I couldn’t have stepped in between his discipline. This is who pays day care and hair cuts Chucky cheese and vacation. A dominate roll model in their lives. It isn’t the woman with kids. Its the man strong enough to be a real man and accept the role of husband and father . also it may be the woman the men on here are dealing with .the kids aren’t the issue. My boyfriend broke up with me because he was uncomfortable having basic leveled conversation with my kids. I addressed it but in no way did I ever ask him to play the role. Its a mutual respect between kids and guy im dating so that we can maintain a pleasant situationship. That’s only because he spends time over here. He must speak. And any idiot should know if you like fucking the mother you should appease the children on some level to keep them from interfering in the romance. This is the beginning of a proper relationship with them. The dumb ass dude never even thought to bring a few bags of candy for them but enjoyed sleeping over with me. He just didn’t get it. This is their home too. Had he took me and them a little more seriously they would have been more open and welcoming to him because a male figure is needed in our household since my husbands death. He said he would never even consider making a woman with children his wife. Yet I had begun to cook for him, wash his clothes, cut his hair, nails etc and was very giving and me , most times ecstatic to spend time with him. Noone new in his life will do this for him. Kids are a headache but so is a new young wife who has no motherly experience and really doesn’t know how to treat her man outside of sex. Now im not saying this is all women but these dream girl types he thinks he can turn into a wonderful house wife just won’t do what I had begun to do. The kids were only an excuse to get out of a great situation he was scared of being in because it required responsibility and love and he was for lack of better words …a boy. Not at all ready for the intensity the a relationship with a mother would bring. It just takes a man. Sometimes u miss a great thing when u exclude a woman just because she has some responsibility. It just means she s capable.
I am want 40years old woman for marige. If she is devoced or have kides. No problem.
Hello everyone
its so nice topic because i suffering from thinking too much and i cant decide anything,,,
i dated a women with 3 childern 2 boys and 1 girl,, she is so beautiful and good person but she is so angry person too and stubborn,, we started our relation since 3 years ,,she is 30 years old and she older than me by few years ,, i am gentleman,good looking and at beginning she was seeing me as a dream but this things changed after first year and she started to fight a lot about small things and about my jealous etc etc ,, another problem that our relation started through online because both of us live in different country and thats needed us to spent a lot of money to travel from here to there and from there to here ,,i am thinking so much about this issue and i dont know what i have to do because really i love her so much and i am honest with her but i afraid of this step because i need to travel to her country because she cant come to live with me in my country with her kids, i tried to away from her and end everything but after time we returned the relation again and i couldnt go away ,, i love her childern also and they are good kids but they also make a lot of sound and playing like any kids,, and i didnt marry before and i dont have any kids ,,, all people around me advice me to not do this step but i still keep the relation and i cant move away because i love her so much and i am sure she love so much also , he ex see kids like 1 or 2 times during month but this also make me sometimes feel not good because i am in another country and sometimes she dont tell me that he visited them but i know that while she doing like saying “ex visited kids since 2 days” ,,, i love kids but i dont know if i move there and married her , is everything will be the same for me ? will i keep loving kids the same? will her ex will be like bad point in our relation?will life be good and can be success because we love each others? sometimes she is telling me, better to end relation because i know things maybe will hard on you and i dont want you to feel hurt or live hard life with me and kids ,, this make me respect her a lot,,, but also make me thinking too much because its 3 years together and we did a lot of efforts to be together this time and spent most money we have to see each others and a lot of memories which i cant forget and sometimes i feel i want to scream and cry from thinking because i afraid from step and because i love her and cant go away,, he kids ages biy 8 years , boy 4 , girls 6
,,her family so kind and her ex give some money but not too much and i feel that if i moved there he will stop give her money because as i know he want to return to her but she hate him and refused,,i still dont know if i move to there what i will work or how much i will earn ,, she work and earn but not so much money but only money for buy food for her and her kids and clothes ,i mean the main things ,, i became telling her the words like “i love you” and “i miss you ” while i am confused because i dont want ti hurt her ,, we are talking all time through internet ,, i am in my country now but i miss her so much even i dont have enough money to travel to here this time but i thinking to borrow and go to her but if i do this so i have to decide this time to stay there and marry her,,,i am thinking about her and our memory all time and she do the same too,,, maybe you can call me crazy but i fell in love and i am loyal in this ,, i knew a lot of women before but i didnt and i cant feel love like i feel it with her,, she became like main thing in my day and i cant lose it ,, and in the same time i know that the sitaution so diffcult specially because to find job in her country and start from beginning with mom with 3 kids will be risky but sometimes i tell myself maybe god will support you because you are honest love ,,, and last thing i want to say that when i stay in my country i feel so much bad mood because 1 i miss her 2 because sometimes i have doubts ,yes i love her and she love me but also we can stay 3 months or more without meet so sometimes i think if she meet someone or something happened because i know about women specially whom got married then divorced they need someone even if for spend time and i get so bad thoughts sometimes but i return to tell myself no no she love u so much and you are all her life and sure she wont do any bad and will remember you always ,, i feel that everything taking me to crazy and i have to decide quickly to take the step and travel and marry her and take the risk our our love or to kill my heart and leave her and go away from her,,,
please help me and i know i am crazy but i am more crazy when i love someone so give me your opinion
Been there don’t that …DON’T DO IT..LOOK FOR SOMEONE THAT HAS ZERO KIDS TO START A FUTURE WITH.
the problem i tried this but i couldnt feel anyone like her ,so do you see this relation cant working and i have to stop it by anyway or theres chance to working?!
My brotha
Can u do better than a woman with multiple kids that are. Not yours? If the answer is yes..u know your next move..if the answer is no then make your next move your best move
i understand u, thanks bro and i hope thaat god will refer me to the right way
This is the most disgusting sexist piece of writing. Whether you are female or male, marrying into a relationship with previous children is not always a negative thing, and some people actually have the balls to handle it. Every situation is different, and it’s impossible to make such a sweeping judgments based off your clearly very limited and biased knowledge. Clearly, you weren’t man enough to handle the task. Is it for everyone? No, but generally it’s both personality and situationally dependent.
The basis of your judgements just on a 5 minute situation that might give someone who actually has it in them, the wrong idea, is ultimately rather disgusting.
You sound like an asshole yourself. I’m a 25yr old single mother of two and I’m dating a Persian. He has even asked us to move in. Bc in his eyes I am special and maybe other men who date n marry single mothers know they’re partners r special to them as well. Good luck with your own life. You sound sad.
Yeah i married to a woman. she have two daughter . My life is going like invisible man at home .only my wife talk with me. She tell me dont talk with my daughters, I say okay but I dont like to cooperate with their financial its not my problem but I am very sad I dont have any children to out with me like garden/shopping/anywhere at home am invisible I have two home but no kids
I want to marry her but she have two daughter,and I lv her as she love me,may I wrong if I take a responsibilities of her children as my children?course his father of this children he wasn’t the but he is still alive and they have six years were separately see each other until now um in love with her
Do not do it me and my ex fiancé had perf ct chemistry but her daughter killed it I wasn’t 12 years of my life . This has been the worst experience of my life . You think I’m full of it ok go ahead lie to yourself that it will work out go ahead . Once she his 12-13 you’ll find out . They will never love you . Leave the girl alone I don’t care how good she looks or how good. It is that will go away once the slow burn off resentment sets in . Go ahead wasn’t your time I know that I will not let my niece and nephews ever date someone with children
Been there done that..
I agree only 1/10 relationship will work out .if you seriously want to be happy and want a successful marriage..DONT MARRY A WOMAN WITH KIDS..it won’t work out 4u
am face with a big problem in life. i meet a woman with two kids who was fed up with her husbands irresponsible actions and decided to quit the marriage. we started dating over a year bfr she finally divorced her husband.
the husband wants to take the children but she is refusing. she wants to settle with me but am scared with the kids involved so i told to give the kids to their at least that would be a guarantee for me to have a peaceful marriage with her without the kids but she is still insisting i accept the children as my own which i also cant.
i gave her another option to quit the relationship but she says no. what should i do now
Drop her and her drama..find someone with less baggage..she in no position to make any demands. ..
Only a Beta-Male bitches about this. I love being the stepfather to my Wife’s son. His dad chose bad life choices over caring for his son when he was 1-2. Nothing better than hearing 2 “I love you”’s at then end of the day.