Rebecca Watson- What a Bitch

The Rebecca Watson tempest has come and gone, but since it represents a particular problem for omegas I’ll talk about it some more. For those of you not familiar, Rebecca Watson is an atheist who had a guy make a pass at her at an atheist conference and was very upset by it.

She mentioned it almost in passing on a rambling YouTube posting about a conference and sexism in the atheist community. There’s no point in watching it, I only include it for reference-

Rebecca Watson lacks a sense of irony. At the conference last year, she made a presentation on etiquette for atheists. (Because atheists, like some religious enthusiasts, lack a sense of where it is appropriate to share their beliefs.) The first thing she does, though, is blame the Danish people for the theft of her bicycle-

The discussion of Watson falls into a few categories

-The guy didn’t have no game. Clearly not, but what was he supposed to do? Of these comments Roissy had the most germane analysis, that direct game doesn’t work in elevators.

-Feminists are hypocrites who insist on being treated like special snowflakes. That’s something we see every day.

None of this really deals with the unfortunate guy in the elevator. I’ve been the guy in the elevator. You may have been the guy in the elevator. Men are advised to learn game by making many, many approaches. Unfortunately of you are inexperienced and have low status, this is particularly difficult and has additional barrier.

I talked about this somewhat in an old post on approaching fat women. But I’ll talk about it more generally.

Social interaction thrives on relaxation, a sense of fun, excitement, self-esteem and positive self-appraisal. There is a Celtic word for this, “craic”, pronounced “crack”. It means a kind of happy party vibe. The word “crackers” appears someplace in Shakespeare, used meaning “blowhards”, but while a cracker might be a braggart and a teller of tall tales, he would also probably be a fun guy to hang out with. The term migrated to the American South to mean lower class whites, the kind of people also called “good ol’ boys”.

Social interaction is poisoned by nervousness, fear, shame, and negative self-appraisal. Most people are at least a little nervous in social situations which is why alcohol is so commonly served at them, and why most “pick-up” activity occurs in bars.

“Craic” seems to me to be a great word to describe the best state for social interaction. “Craic” is a good mix of beta and alpha. It’s friendly but not polite or deferential, interested but not sympathetic. It’s not mean but isn’t really interested in your problems. I think the most important thing about it though is, it insists you want to have a good time as well. Relax, be friendly, look for happy people who also want to have fun.

I used to work with a natural who everybody loved. He was a one-man party. He was always in a happy, devil-may-care, we’re having a great time today mood. He was also a backstabbing jerk, but even when you knew he had done something behind your back you still couldn’t help liking him. His charm unfortunately didn’t outweigh lack of certain technical skills or his alcohol problem, but where ever he is now I’m sure he’s having a good time with an attractive woman.

State is a tricky thing. I suspect that Elevator Guy was not really fearful when he made his oh so salacious and improper proposal to the delicate flower Miss Watson, coffee at 4 AM. (Maybe if he had suggested decaf or herbal tea she would have been delighted to make an atheist baby with him, but we’ll never know.) He had worked up his courage and was running on a burst of adrenaline. He may not have been fearful, but I’m sure he wasn’t relaxed and indifferent.

Other people are the mirror in which we see ourselves. If you have had a lot of rejection, ignoring, bullying or other negative feedback from others it probably has you seeing yourself in a negative light, and makes relaxed bonding with others difficult. But how does this apply to the approachee?

As I intimated in “Fat Women and the Omega” each approach by a man tells a woman something about how the rest of the world sees her. All women want to think they are fairly desirable. I think most women are realistic enough to believe they can’t get a really high-level guy, but they have an idea of what kind of guy they think they should have. They believe their status is obvious and guys who aren’t at the level they want will not approach them.

If a guy who does not meet what she perceives as her entitled standard does approach her, her image of herself is challenged. And people really hate that. Maybe she doesn’t actually rate the cool, handsome, successful guy she thought. Maybe she’s really kind of fat and homely and boring and all she can get is this slightly nervous nerdy guy trying to talk to her about her iPhone! OMG!

Attractive women don’t have this problem. Lots of guys hit on them, and they either learn to take it in stride by the time they are 13 or they go nuts. She is not insulted when the 60-year-old janitor at her office tries to make lame small talk with her. She knows her beauty has a power men are helpless to resist.

A lower desirability woman who has had her ego bruised- unintentionally and unknowingly, by a guy who probably had good intentions- she can react a number of ways. She can be honest with herself and say, “I need to accept my sexual market value. Or I need to increase it.” She can laugh it off- “Guys! Always horny, always after the vaj, even when they got no chance!” She will likely bitch to her friends about it- “This loser was hitting on me, oh my god it was awful.” She can try to embarrass the guy to punish him- either right then and there, or if she has a YouTube following, she can mention it there.

Rebecca Watson isn’t fat, or ugly, but the hot guys are ignoring her. Even the atheist nerd community hot guys aren’t into her, most likely. (I wonder if she fucked the old Chinese guy who appears at the beginning of the first video. My spidey sense says yes.)

If I had a good answer for this, I would be out approaching like a maniac. But a few things that my omega friends might remember. Avoid direct game, unless it is appropriate per Roissy. Above all be relaxed, happy, indifferent, bemused- all the opposites of horny and eager. Realize less-attractive women perceive approaches differently than attractive women, and will react accordingly.

Rebecca- since you love the Science so much, you probably should understand a horny guy inviting you to his hotel room is not “sexism” but “sex”, the method by which complex organisms reproduce themselves. In all mammal species, the male initiates. Go to the library and get a book on it. And in Western society, no, women are not obligated to have sex with anyone they don’t like, “No thanks, I’m tired” is all you need to say.

In approaching women, sometimes you will be Roissy or Roosh, but you may be Elevator Guy. But you know what? There’s nothing wrong with being Elevator Guy. He saw something he liked and went for it, which takes guts. Let’s raise our glasses to Elevator Guy, who has balls if not a whole lot of game. Better luck next time dude. Fuck that stuck-up bitch.

21 Responses to Rebecca Watson- What a Bitch

  1. Rusty says:

    Good points. *Glass raised*

  2. […] Omega Man – “Rebecca Watson – What a Bitch” […]

  3. Maal dweb says:

    She is abysmally ugly…

    • David says:

      I’m going to have to disagree with you there– I think she’s actually hot, has nice hair, and by the looks of it probably has a nice body too. However, right off the bat I noticed a few things that should tell a guy very obviously that she is not going to be receptive to the direct approach, unless you’re Hugh Jackman or some highly placed older college professor:
      1) She looks very young. So she is going to lack people skills that more mature people have.
      2) Most women are very self-conscious, even the beautiful ones, and most would never make a YouTube video, especially while in just a t-shirt. Furthermore, she apparently likes to give talks at organizations, which are not part of her job requirements, and be very visible. In short, she likes to hear herself talk. This suggests a big ego. That isn’t a bad thing at all, it’s just a fact. Women with egos tend to not react positively to approaches from men they perceive as omega’s, because, dear god, it would threaten her self-image as a star of some kind!
      3) Her overall demeanor on the video is sort of haughty. Difficult to put into words but it’s tangible.

  4. Candice says:

    mmm…was not there…nevertheless its a good rule not to proposition a person you do not know in a situation where they feel vulnerable (like an elevator)….It’s also a good rule to politely, clearly and graciously refuse a proposition….

    …so…Elevator Guy should get points for trying and perhaps redirect all that bravery into a better strategy ….

    May I suggest people carry business cards (if you have no business, develop your own personal brand and make personal cards) – then provide them to people they wish to know better with an invitation to drink coffee and discuss some matter of mutual interest. The strategy is win-win – nobody is offended and you might learn something……

    • David says:

      Candice this is a very old post so I doubt you’ll read this, but wanted to respond to the “business card” idea. I’ve done it before, in other forms “I notice we’re reading the same book/taking the same class/looking at the same Goya painting, perhaps you’d like to discuss the complexities of Goya’s “dark period” sometime….” That doesn’t often work, for a couple of reasons: 1) The woman may actually take the guy at his word, that he actually just wants to discuss art or business or math or whatever, and will accept the invitation for that purpose alone. And then as soon as the guy makes it evident that he is interested in more, she uses the out of “oh, I actually thought you were genuinely just interested in art!” or whatever the situation might be, and will walk away indignant. Yes, I have experienced this before. On the flip side, at one time I was approached by a beautiful woman I worked with who out of the blue started making chit-chat with me regularly. Taking this as a sign of interest, and not BS, I reciprocated. One day she approached and said there was something she would like to talk to me about, over lunch. I of course agreed. Turns out that over lunch she broke out her Bible literature and started to….

      • David says:

        (continued, i evidently ran out of room) started to preach to me and attempt to “save” me. She was, it turned out, a member of a sect that allotted its members points for preaching to as many people as possible. I felt like an Amway approachee, and was a bit offended. Which leads me to 2) I just can’t lie very well to people that matter… I can’t hand a stupid card to a woman and pretend like I want her to attend a seminar with me and discuss topic X when in fact I’m romantically interested in her. Maybe it has to do with my having been a policeman, I constantly have this inner voice in my head telling me “don’t lie! Don’t give false impressions” etc etc (not literally, mind you!). Maybe I just have to adopt the “I couldn’t care less if you accept or not attitude”… which I think women pick up on and tend to be more attracted to… because biologically, it means the man has great mate choice. But in any case, I hope I’m making sense.

  5. Anonymous says:

    good for him for trying to tap dat ass, who gives a fuck about what she thinks

  6. Candice says:

    I care about what everybody thinks because they are human beings and because I can feel their pain. I especially care about men that make clumsy and inappropriate propositions to me and take care to provide a face saving yet clear refusal.

    We need to separate out tolerance and acceptance of people who lack people skills from sexual harrassment and assault. It is especially important to address sub-cultural values which see harrssment and assault as acceptable. This is why I am writing this comment because I feel the previous commenter might unintentionally reinforce this negative set of values within a reader with tentancies that way. .

    Our esteemed blog-writer is not advocating not caring about the feelings of others or condoning sexual harrassment. On the contrary, he is pointing out how men suffer from nasty attitudes and unkind words when sincerely approaching women and how some social dynamics reinforce this behaviour. I am sure he is advocating respect for all. We’d all benefit from a better world where diversity and difference are accepted. 🙂 C

  7. NMH says:

    Excellent post, with analysis about how less than attractive women get messages about their status from the guys that hit on them.

    Keep up the great work dude.

  8. NMH says:

    “May I suggest people carry business cards (if you have no business, develop your own personal brand and make personal cards) – then provide them to people they wish to know better with an invitation to drink coffee and discuss some matter of mutual interest. The strategy is win-win – nobody is offended and you might learn something……”

    In the end, women would consider that a weak-willed beta approach, if a guy does that instead of a direct approach. The bottom line is that a direct approach is needed and if your SMV is higher than a woman’s, she will accept this as flirting, but if your SMV is lower than the womans, she will consider you a creepy stalker. Its just the way it is with women.

    Its up to a guy to figure out if she does not like it. If so, completely ignore her and there is a good chance that a house full of cats is in her future.

  9. Candice says:

    NMH – Thankyou for providing a comment on my comment. It’s interesting to get the views of people of experience. I have little experience chatting up ladies. My experience is mainly being chatted up by men of all social levels and perhaps I am not like the ladies in the culture to which you refer. I grew up with men, am very academic with a high motivation to learn and an introvert. I do not have sex except if in a long term relationship. I often find myself in places where there are not many other women like me.

    I find any direct cold approach for sex misplaced – but I am polite in my refusal. If he is potentially interesting I offer to meet as friends – as a test. If I am so boring he would not choose to spend time with me as a friend, then I stop considering that man as a potential partner.

    If an interesting man asked me to meet to talk about nuclear physics, world politics, criminal law, indigenous land rights, online dating or just about any other topic, I’d say yes.

    BTW – I do know a man that uses the business card approach. He is quite remarkable in that he is overcoming a serious medical condition by travelling. He enjoys making friends and learning and distributes his cards to people he meets. Sometimes he meets a girl he’d like to have a relationship with and sometimes he learns about a different life or culture.

  10. Candice says:

    sheesh…no glasses…parth = path…:-(

  11. Candice says:

    I will rely on you for the Hamilitonian and Dirac notation – I am too busy working on the ass to swot up on it! 🙂 C

  12. Omega Dork says:

    Rebecca is about a 4, I’d say. In her prime, she might have passed as “cute”, but not now.

    I sometimes wonder why women even read this blog.

    Oh, and maybe I should screw with some 7+s by approaching them!

  13. Sheila Tone says:

    Your title and your last line undersccore why she’s RIGHT. We don’t really get to just say no. And your fat chick post underscores why you remain alone: Men like you think they are entitled to free samples, and think women who aren’t at the top of the scale should be grateful for scraps (ie, casual sex with a guy who can’t keep it up).

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