The Rebecca Watson tempest has come and gone, but since it represents a particular problem for omegas I’ll talk about it some more. For those of you not familiar, Rebecca Watson is an atheist who had a guy make a pass at her at an atheist conference and was very upset by it.
She mentioned it almost in passing on a rambling YouTube posting about a conference and sexism in the atheist community. There’s no point in watching it, I only include it for reference-
Rebecca Watson lacks a sense of irony. At the conference last year, she made a presentation on etiquette for atheists. (Because atheists, like some religious enthusiasts, lack a sense of where it is appropriate to share their beliefs.) The first thing she does, though, is blame the Danish people for the theft of her bicycle-
The discussion of Watson falls into a few categories
-The guy didn’t have no game. Clearly not, but what was he supposed to do? Of these comments Roissy had the most germane analysis, that direct game doesn’t work in elevators.
-Feminists are hypocrites who insist on being treated like special snowflakes. That’s something we see every day.
None of this really deals with the unfortunate guy in the elevator. I’ve been the guy in the elevator. You may have been the guy in the elevator. Men are advised to learn game by making many, many approaches. Unfortunately of you are inexperienced and have low status, this is particularly difficult and has additional barrier.
I talked about this somewhat in an old post on approaching fat women. But I’ll talk about it more generally.
Social interaction thrives on relaxation, a sense of fun, excitement, self-esteem and positive self-appraisal. There is a Celtic word for this, “craic”, pronounced “crack”. It means a kind of happy party vibe. The word “crackers” appears someplace in Shakespeare, used meaning “blowhards”, but while a cracker might be a braggart and a teller of tall tales, he would also probably be a fun guy to hang out with. The term migrated to the American South to mean lower class whites, the kind of people also called “good ol’ boys”.
Social interaction is poisoned by nervousness, fear, shame, and negative self-appraisal. Most people are at least a little nervous in social situations which is why alcohol is so commonly served at them, and why most “pick-up” activity occurs in bars.
“Craic” seems to me to be a great word to describe the best state for social interaction. “Craic” is a good mix of beta and alpha. It’s friendly but not polite or deferential, interested but not sympathetic. It’s not mean but isn’t really interested in your problems. I think the most important thing about it though is, it insists you want to have a good time as well. Relax, be friendly, look for happy people who also want to have fun.
I used to work with a natural who everybody loved. He was a one-man party. He was always in a happy, devil-may-care, we’re having a great time today mood. He was also a backstabbing jerk, but even when you knew he had done something behind your back you still couldn’t help liking him. His charm unfortunately didn’t outweigh lack of certain technical skills or his alcohol problem, but where ever he is now I’m sure he’s having a good time with an attractive woman.
State is a tricky thing. I suspect that Elevator Guy was not really fearful when he made his oh so salacious and improper proposal to the delicate flower Miss Watson, coffee at 4 AM. (Maybe if he had suggested decaf or herbal tea she would have been delighted to make an atheist baby with him, but we’ll never know.) He had worked up his courage and was running on a burst of adrenaline. He may not have been fearful, but I’m sure he wasn’t relaxed and indifferent.
Other people are the mirror in which we see ourselves. If you have had a lot of rejection, ignoring, bullying or other negative feedback from others it probably has you seeing yourself in a negative light, and makes relaxed bonding with others difficult. But how does this apply to the approachee?
As I intimated in “Fat Women and the Omega” each approach by a man tells a woman something about how the rest of the world sees her. All women want to think they are fairly desirable. I think most women are realistic enough to believe they can’t get a really high-level guy, but they have an idea of what kind of guy they think they should have. They believe their status is obvious and guys who aren’t at the level they want will not approach them.
If a guy who does not meet what she perceives as her entitled standard does approach her, her image of herself is challenged. And people really hate that. Maybe she doesn’t actually rate the cool, handsome, successful guy she thought. Maybe she’s really kind of fat and homely and boring and all she can get is this slightly nervous nerdy guy trying to talk to her about her iPhone! OMG!
Attractive women don’t have this problem. Lots of guys hit on them, and they either learn to take it in stride by the time they are 13 or they go nuts. She is not insulted when the 60-year-old janitor at her office tries to make lame small talk with her. She knows her beauty has a power men are helpless to resist.
A lower desirability woman who has had her ego bruised- unintentionally and unknowingly, by a guy who probably had good intentions- she can react a number of ways. She can be honest with herself and say, “I need to accept my sexual market value. Or I need to increase it.” She can laugh it off- “Guys! Always horny, always after the vaj, even when they got no chance!” She will likely bitch to her friends about it- “This loser was hitting on me, oh my god it was awful.” She can try to embarrass the guy to punish him- either right then and there, or if she has a YouTube following, she can mention it there.
Rebecca Watson isn’t fat, or ugly, but the hot guys are ignoring her. Even the atheist nerd community hot guys aren’t into her, most likely. (I wonder if she fucked the old Chinese guy who appears at the beginning of the first video. My spidey sense says yes.)
If I had a good answer for this, I would be out approaching like a maniac. But a few things that my omega friends might remember. Avoid direct game, unless it is appropriate per Roissy. Above all be relaxed, happy, indifferent, bemused- all the opposites of horny and eager. Realize less-attractive women perceive approaches differently than attractive women, and will react accordingly.
Rebecca- since you love the Science so much, you probably should understand a horny guy inviting you to his hotel room is not “sexism” but “sex”, the method by which complex organisms reproduce themselves. In all mammal species, the male initiates. Go to the library and get a book on it. And in Western society, no, women are not obligated to have sex with anyone they don’t like, “No thanks, I’m tired” is all you need to say.
In approaching women, sometimes you will be Roissy or Roosh, but you may be Elevator Guy. But you know what? There’s nothing wrong with being Elevator Guy. He saw something he liked and went for it, which takes guts. Let’s raise our glasses to Elevator Guy, who has balls if not a whole lot of game. Better luck next time dude. Fuck that stuck-up bitch.