Sheila objected in a recent comment when I brought up NAWALT- “not all women are like that”- bringing up this objection usually implies that yes, all women are like that.
All women are like that. And all men are like that. But let me address these individually.
By “all women are like that” it is meant all women are predisposed to respond positively to alpha behavior, even if it is directed negatively at them. I believe this is the case, as a simple matter of biological programming. I’ll use an extreme, anecdotal example- it will be objected that the evidence is anecdotal, and that not all women are like that– but enough anecdotal evidence stops being anecdotal, and becomes a deep pool of data.
My sister is a 50 year old virgin, a strict Catholic and the very definition of a “nice girl”- she’s so nice she’s never fucked anybody. Once she mentioned a guy in her organization- some kind of a department head she deals only tangentially with on occasion- that he was an arrogant jerk, and yet she was “involuntarily attracted.” She used the term like it was something that women experience on an infrequent but ongoing basis. So if she feels it, women in general feel it. Women respond to dominant behavior, and whether it’s antisocial or negative towards them doesn’t seem to matter much.
The degree to which this is true varies a great deal, depending on the psychological situation of the woman, but it is always there. If your ethics prohibit you from antisocial behavior, dominant behavior doesn’t have to be antisocial. Somebody once said for nature to be commanded, it must first be obeyed. Accepting this as a characteristic of women is necessary. If you want to have a relationship with a woman you are going to have to show a certain amount of alpha traits.
Men are a more complicated case. Womens’ complaints about men will either be that they are too macho, or too wimpy. Well, what the hell do they want? Which one? As Athol Kay explains, an ongoing relationship with a woman requires a balance of both. The perfect man, like the perfect woman is very hard to find. Men by genetics and socialization will usually fall on one side or another.
I think the first step for women in dealing with this is being honest with themselves. Sandra Tsing Loh and her “kitchen bitch” husband aside, women will rarely complain about an excessively beta man. They will criticize other behavior, to make it look like they are complaining about alpha behavior, which while desirable is not supposed to be desired by middle class women.
If a man is showing excessive alpha traits- not being caring, romantic, whatever- he may just not care, or he may feel he doesn’t need to do these things, or he may feel doing them makes him look weak. I guess the correct answer is if you want somebody to do something, ask them, and if the relationship depends on it, say so. I don’t know if that works in real life. Real players know to give women enough romantic gestures to keep them from going crazy and leaving, but to keep them wanting more. A woman with a guy like this will have real difficulty.
If the guy shows a lack of assertiveness and backbone, he is probably a combination of genetically non-aggressive and socialization for non-aggressiveness. A woman with a guy like this can probably just tell him to be more assertive and he’ll do it. “Testing” him- trying to provoke him to be assertive with bad behavior- is a recipe for disaster, but that seems to be what a lot of women do.