Funny Story

I’m posting a lot because I got back from a period of female interaction, which has perhaps pumped me up other bad news aside, and because I had restricted internet access, and because I’m avoiding tedious but important things.

I’m at one of those hipster cupcake places and I swear there is a girl here who likes me. She was checking me out a little last time I was here, and I caught her doing it again. She’s not objectively good-looking- she has kind of a recessed chin and a prominent nose- but she has this skinny geek chick thing going that turns me on. Nerd glasses, tattoos- I swear I’m going to make a move. Hold me to it.

This place is owned by a lesbian and I think many of the people who work here are gay (although I don’t think this girl is.) It got me thinking about girls who go both ways. I met a self-described “queer” woman once, and it struck me that while she probably spent most of her time with women, she would not pass up an alpha cock when she had the chance.

The funny story is I have a semi-natural friend- who I call semi-natural because he scores easily with ugly and old women- who told me a story of a lesbian he used to fuck occasionally. He has a lot of stories like this- I tell him he should write the story of his life as a picaresque- and I have no reason to believe he would lie, but then truth is stranger than fiction.

He was living in southern California, and would sometimes go out to Palm Springs- a big gay area- with a friend who had a girlfriend out there. The girlfriend had a lesbian friend who occasionally liked to get fucked. This is not supposed to happen, but the study of game has brought out the twisted nature of female sexuality.

So, he occasionally serviced a lesbian. The funny part is he would insist he suck his dick first, and although she hated it, he would not relent, and she would comply. That’s not even really the funny part; he didn’t say “Suck my dick!”, he would just point to his dick, saying nothing. She would resist, but he would point insistently, and she would relent, craving his man meat in her vagina.

Human beings are driven by strange and powerful desires, only slightly controlled by a thin veneer of civilization. We must never forget this. It has been said that nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed.

10 Responses to Funny Story

  1. Sheila Tone says:

    What is your plan? Don’t fuck this up. Is she close in age, and, if not, do you figure she knows your approximate age already? (If not, continue to conceal it until you are physically intimate, after which she will already be resigned.) If she likes geekiness, play it up, don’t mess things up with any Roissy crap. You know he just makes shit up.

  2. Oh, I’ll fuck this up alright, I guarantee you that. That’s what I do, fuck things up. But I would at least like to fuck this up by me making a lame move and her rejecting me, rather than by me chickening out. I think I’ll try to go in when it’s dead and get served by her, and try to start a conversation. She’s late 20’s I think, so she’s a lot younger than me.

    If I’m to use my intuition, I think she picked up that she turns me on, and she doesn’t get much attention from guys, and she intuits I’m a relatively non-dickish guy, which some women like.

    As far as Roissy goes- I would admit to some embellishment, but I have seen women go for that stuff my whole life, so I think it’s valid in a lot of contexts. NAWALT? Maybe not to the same *degree*, but at least somewhat.

    • Sheila Tone says:

      (googles NAWALT) How about working to prove NAMALT? I predict better results for you. No offense, but you don’t seem like all that good an observer when it comes to women.

      I wonder if she’s seen that Bridesmaids movie yet with all the female actresses. It would give you a chance to talk about how you like female comedians. And women are totally digging that movie. Yet it’s real comedians in it, so it’s not too lame.

      • I think Athol Kay has the best handle on dealing with NAMALT. I’m a good observer of people when I’m not feeling anxious, which unfortunately isn’t often enough.

        I’m going to try to have a brief conversation with her and see if I can read some signals. If I can derive any hope from that I’ll either keep going, if nobody else is in line, or try again when it’s not as busy.

      • Sheila Tone says:

        What have you got to lose by making a lame move? If she likes you, she’ll help you out. If she doesn’t, she’ll leave you hanging. So what. Will you be driven in shame from the only coffeehouse in the city?

      • I saw mention of a study recently where people rate emotional pain as high as physical pain. So yeah it’s painful. Not at all easy to do. Although when I’ve made lame moves in the past and failed, I felt much better afterwards. At least I tried.

        I’m there right now. I came in in my brief window of time this afternoon, but she’s not even here. There is a much cuter girl here and I made some comment on her T-shirt. She was like “Whatever”. But I feel proud of myself for saying anything to anybody.

    • Sheila Tone says:

      I thought of another thing: If you’re going to approach her at work, you have to be extra careful. Number one, her employer may frown on making dates with customers. Number two, she may feel the need to act differently around you if she has an audience. I know you’re going to go in some time when it’s dead, so that’s a good start.

  3. […] Omega Man – “Sexual Performance“, “Funny Story” […]

  4. "E" says:

    Funny I come across this particular blog post. I have known a good number of Lesbians, some classic “fems” ie pretty, and some “Butch”, no explanation needed. And the most amazing thing to me was the revelation that there are no “real” lesbians. In the sense that unlike Gay males, Lesbians (both butch and Fems) go back and forth kinda reguraly with men.

    Don’t get me wrong, for some they stay true to the cause, but especially with the Fems, if a certian guy comes along, she will happily jump ship. And from personal experimintation I’ve found that a Butch girl can be just as receptive to classic female attraction techniques as a any other woman.

    What does this mean? I don’t know. What I do know is that women seem to be wired differently when it comes to sexual attraction. I’m not so sure that women are as hardwired to prefer a romantic interest purley by sexual orientaion like males.

    Maybe it’s because women are not so sexually driven in their romantic attractions like men are. There is so much more emotional weight involved in a womans build up to romantic attraction vs men. And I think that allows them to more easily slip between homosexual and straight relationships.

    • Another strange but true lesbian story. As a high school student I was in this beach summer program, and one of the other kids was this raving butch lesbian girl. She actually claimed she had a penis at one point. And yet I saw her throw herself, in the most girly way, at this dreamboat guy.

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