Go In Cold? Or Go To A Party?

Roosh compares the merits of cold approaching versus getting to know women socially-


Advice on getting women skews heavily to what gamers call social circle game. Don’t go after women in bars, people say; it’s hopeless. Join a club, go to friend’s party, go to church, and meet a nice girl, not some alcoholic skank with herpes.

Superficially this sounds right. Women in bars are often pretty cold and hostile. Women at other places should be more socially matched with you and more open due to some social proof. And yet I think Roosh is a lot more right than wrong.

He explains it mainly in terms of numbers; but there are other aspects in my experience, which might not apply to him. One is social circle game is very hard for introverts. Getting involved with a group and then making a lot of friends is really hard. And it’s tedious and boring if you really don’t want to be involved in the activity for it’s own sake. (Grerp had a scathing, and realistic appraisal of church groups for women.) Another is that if meeting women is even part of your agenda of being at the group women are likely to be really offended if you approach them and they aren’t interested. This is stupid because these are the exact type of women who would tell a nerdy guy he should join a club to meet women. Getting blown off by a homely woman you wouldn’t look twice at in any other circumstance is a worse blow to the ego than getting blown off by a cute woman in a bar. And you will probably never see the woman again, and if you do you’ll just ignore each other, while with a woman in your social circle you may be embarrassed in front of people you don’t want to be embarrassed in front of, and word will get around.

If you can overcome the anxiety of cold approaching women- I admit I haven’t, and don’t know if I ever will- you can approach the women you want and avoid a great deal of footsie and other bullshit. Anxiety is a strange thing. It’s a horrible, dreadful feeling, but confronted and experienced it goes away pretty easily. And as Winston Churchill said, there is nothing quite like the exhilaration of being shot at with no effect.

On the other hand, being shot at with effect really sucks, which is why I don’t cold approach. Someday I’ll take my own advice.

7 Responses to Go In Cold? Or Go To A Party?

  1. tg moderator says:

    I think I disagree. For outgoing guys like Roosh approach game is fine, but it never worked for me as a single guy. I could barely even hear in a bar environment, and I was too shy to approach. The only relationships I developed with women all came out of social circle game when I wasn’t even trying. In hindsight not trying is the closest I came to having game. For example: don’t stare, don’t try to say things she likes, neg her subtly, have a dry sense of humor. Roosh is right on target about the lack of targets. The obesisty epidemic has made social circle game almost pointless. There are not many hobbies that involve a large percenage of attractive women. Sking come to mind, but the skibunnies tend to hover around the fireplace and tolerate apporachs only from alphas so it turns into an apporach game scenario just like a bar. I’m glad I’m married.

  2. […] Karen Owen”Omega Man – “The Paradox of Experience“, “Go in Cold? Or Go to a Party?”HarmonicaFTW – “The Measure of a Man”Ulysses – “Used […]

  3. Sheila Tone says:

    So what are you planning for your “foreign girlfriend” for Valentine’s Day?

  4. Not exactly a buddy of Ferd- see “Ferdinand Bardimu- Appalling, But Instructive”- but he is an interesting guy with a contrarian perspective. Lots of people, for some weird reason or another are piling on Lara Logan.

    I feel terrible for her. I have not been raped but I’ve had other bad experiences and it changes life for you. I don’t think she has that much responsibility for the situation; realistically speaking somebody else was responsible for her security and those people either made a misjudgment or didn’t provide her with enough protection.

    From my experience in third world countries westerners tend to underestimate the danger. Many foreigners are convinced Colombia is quite safe; my girlfriend is afraid to go outside her house. I think foreign journalists in the Middle East usually work with a local producer who runs interference. *Somebody* should have thought that maybe having an uncovered blonde western woman out in a huge mob of angry, sexually frustrated young Moslem men was a recipe for trouble, but they didn’t.

  5. Sheila Tone says:

    On the other hand, do you think it’s at all suspicious that supposedly all these women and soldiers rescued this very famous woman but even after days have gone by, we haven’t heard a word from or about a single one of these witness-heroes involved in this internationally sensational story? Wouldn’t you think that at least the soldiers would wish to take some credit for this?

    The only proof we have of this, so far, is her word, issued via the CBS press release. Which no one dares to question.

    I read an account of a man who merely groped another woman in the square around that time, and he was immediately slapped around by the crowd.

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