I was at the coffee shop yesterday afternoon- I usually go to coffee shops in the afternoon to get out of the house- and I was sitting at one of the large tables, because the wifi wasn’t working on the other side.
A nice looking woman, I’m guessing in her 50’s, came in and sat down, and got some books and magazines out of her bag and started making some notes. I thought this would be a good opportunity to start a conversation, but I wasn’t sure what to say. The book was a textbook on fitness training so I thought about saying something about that, but I still wasn’t sure. To reduce the risk to myself, I got up, put my stuff away, and then asked her “What are you working on?”
She said she was studying to be a personal trainer, and we talked about that a bit. As often happens when I start a conversation, she was quite willing to talk and more willing to continue than I was. I let the conversation stop, to see if she was interested in continuing. She asked me “What are you working on?” and I told her “Nothing right now” and explained I was waiting to hear about a job. She said “Good luck!” and ended it like that.
Part was I suppose I looked like I was ready to go; however I shouldn’t have said what I did. I believe it is a “demonstration of lower value” to say you aren’t doing anything and don’t have a job. I told my craigslist hookup my situation and she mulled it over pretty hard- she didn’t say anything but I could see the gears turning in her head- and she was an unattractive middle-aged woman, and we were only getting together for sex. I will have to come up with the happy spin for my situation. It would have been nice to talk a little more and maybe get her number- she had no ring on- but at least I talked to her a bit. For me that is an accomplishment. If I would do this more than once every few weeks, I might get somewhere.
I am in another coffee shop this afternoon- I like to rotate a bit, I don’t want to become one of the weirdos I see all the time at my main coffee shop- and next to me in line was another nice-looking woman in her 50’s. She was not getting coffee, but a bag of beans. I wanted to talk to her also, but beyond asking her what kind of coffee beans I couldn’t think of anything. That probably would have been fine though.
As I was checking out I saw some individual pies in the bakery case, kind of like the Hostess fruit pies. I immediately started thinking of various rude jokes that can be made on the subject of “pie” (a slang term for the female genitalia for the unfamiliar.) I then further thought of Assanova’s insistence that one be a good conversationalist, and it occurred to me maybe lots of guys aren’t good conversationalists with women because they spend most of their time in ribald conversation with other guys, friends and acquaintances. I love obscene joking, and I know what is and isn’t appropriate, but I don’t know if I can have a conversation with a woman that is fun and stimulating as well as polite and appropriate. Yet another thing to work on! I think I need to develop a little more confidence with polite, dull conversations first.