Approach Anxiety on Emotional Neediness

Approach Anxiety does a mind experiment about what you might expect from a woman you see-

Trying to get something from a source that can’t provide it is a recipe for frustration and disappointment. But it seems to represent some kind of human impulse. Think of the joke about the guy who’s looking for his wallet under the street light because it’s brighter there- if it didn’t represent a common emotional drive, it wouldn’t be funny. But people are like that.

This ties in with the sticky subject of confidence. If people have treated you well all your life, you will be inclined to expect they are going to continue to treat you well. It sets up a positive expectation, which is helpful in dealing with people. If people have treated you poorly, you will be inclined to expect they continue to treat you poorly, which sets up a negative expectation, which is a problem. You will want to isolate yourself, but you still have unmet emotional needs. If you approach a woman, both these things come into play, as described above.

A guy I knew once described his approach to life as looking for buried treasures. I think this is a pretty helpful strategy. You have a hopeful expectation, but won’t be disappointed if you don’t find what you’re looking for, but really happy if you do.


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