An Important Point From Assanova

Assanova talks about the importance of romance-

http://www.realassanova.com/2010/11/hopeless-romantic.html

Briefly he says many guys have little idea how to be romantic with a woman, since they spend all their time watching sports or action movies, and have not seen much of the kind of romance that women like as shown in romantic movies and soap operas.

Being romantic with a woman is regarded as poison in the gameosphere. It is ridiculed as totally beta, wimpy, pathetic, etc. If you don’t show the appropriate level of male strength, this is true. But woman also respond to romance, and if you have both I think you will have the full package.

Assanova seems to be a born alpha, and I don’t think he has ever experienced the fear and insecurity of showing emotion that low status guys have. My comment was-

“Typically guys without game understand, and have experienced a bit, that if you show romance to women with male status they will be indifferent to repelled. Going the opposite way- all alpha, possibly asshole- seems like the answer. And yet these guys still want to express romantic feelings to a woman, and have them reciprocated, so the philosophy of game leaves them cold on another level, and they can’t really execute it due to lack of commitment.

Omega guys are excluded from the men’s world, and they feel like if they get involved in the feelings world they will be perceived as gay, so they tend to retreat into a world of science, computers, and entertainment based on science and computers. (My own father has degrees in hard science and computer science.) I rebelled against that and got into the world of action and machines.

Using game is pretty intimidating and difficult for omegas, but showing emotional vulnerability can de terrifying. But I suppose learning a balance to these things is essential.”

Among the terrible things about abuse and domination is that it stunts people emotionally. If you can’t express your emotions, if you have to suppress them all the time- positive as well as negative- you can’t grow emotionally. Weak people are punished for showing happiness, enthusiasm, and joy as well as anger and sadness, because the powerful don’t want them to be happy either.

We have a culture, particularly amongst intelligent people, of cynicism, irony, and contempt for things and people not cynical and ironic. I know as much as I need to learn strength and security, I also need to learn happiness and openness.

The only other guy to talk about balance is Married Man Sex Life. He does it in the context of being married, but it applies to all relationships with women and life in general.

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10 Responses to An Important Point From Assanova

  1. Bob Smith says:

    Assanova consistently makes the same error: if you don’t have what she wants, giving something to her is pointless. Because he’s tall and self-described as “good looking” he forgets that what you do or say is colored by what she sees and her own prejudices. For example, if you’re a short guy (not necessarily shorter than her, just shorter than her “won’t date” height) you aren’t dominant you’re pushy. You aren’t charming you’re creepy. You do not get the benefit of the doubt when she considers how she feels about your words and deeds.

  2. Sheila Tone says:

    “Omega guys are excluded from the men’s world, and they feel like if they get involved in the feelings world they will be perceived as gay, so they tend to retreat into a world of science, computers, and entertainment based on science and computers.”

    Interesting. So it’s not women who make them like that, it’s men.

    I figured those types of guys just were naturally less emotional. Never occurred to me they were doing a nerd version of machismo, to avoid being thought of as gay.

    • Bob Smith says:

      I’m not convinced it’s about being gay. Omegas are perceived as unimportant, so others tell them to shut up (overtly or covertly). Said others are only interested in validating the emotions of people they see as important. Get told that enough times and editing your emotions (or at least keeping your affect very low) becomes second nature.

  3. Assanova says:

    Bob -I won’t necessarily disagree with you, however, sometimes, it’s just your confidence. A lot of times, your level of confidence and calmness determines whether or not you are going to come off as creepy.

    GFO -Usually, its the guys who were raised around women, or the guys that are into romantic arts who become incredibly good with women. They are simply able to pick up on subtleties and know exactly how to behave to make women feel a certain way. There’s a huge part of game that has nothing to do with what you actually say or do. It’s how you go about doing it; something that is incredibly difficult to put into books that men can understand.

    • Bob Smith says:

      So being an only child, and thus having had no childhood experience interacting with either a sister or a brother’s girlfriend, has massively screwed me over?

  4. S. Thompson says:

    Based on my own experiences, women simply don’t care about the content of what you say. I used to spend time talking to women about subjects that might interest them. I may as well have talked to the wall. On the other hand, I’ve seen good-looking alpha males talk to women about sport and cars and they had their full attention (though they probably weren’t digesting it very well).

    • Bob Smith says:

      If women don’t care about what you say, then what do they care about? Looks, as you note, but I certainly don’t have the looks to get a woman’s rapt attention no matter what BS subject I bring up. I’ve had some luck getting women to talk about themselves (indulging a woman’s narcissism is an easy play), at least so long as they don’t notice I haven’t said anything about myself.

  5. S. Thompson says:

    Women care intensely about how other women perceive you. This is probably an evolutionary instinct that ensures that any male offspring will possess qualities that attract women to them. Of course the problem then is how to get women thinking favourably to begin with. Testosterone level is also important (alot of aggressive men aren’t attractive but are considered alpha males. Aside from these heritable characteristics, women only care about money. Of course unfair divorce legislation means omega males can no longer get married without the possibility of harsh repercussions later on. I’m painting a negative picture here; I may well have ignored key non-heritable factors that can improve male dating success.

  6. SFG says:

    “Interesting. So it’s not women who make them like that, it’s men.

    I figured those types of guys just were naturally less emotional. Never occurred to me they were doing a nerd version of machismo, to avoid being thought of as gay.”

    Oh sure. Express any excitement about a book you’ve read, or the periodic table, or a math problem, and you’ll get beat up. But we do like those things. If you dare (and can fend off the inept advances), go to a science fiction convention–they’re happy enough when they know they can express their enthusiasms without being shot down.

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