Working Up to Cold Approaches

Susan Walsh has a post on rejection-

http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2010/10/07/relationshipstrategies/how-rejection-can-make-you-more-successful-at-everything/

I would like to talk about this more, but here is my comment-

“What really sucks is being rejected without ever having been asked to be accepted in the first place. I would loved to have just been ignored from the ages of about 11 to 15.

You have to find a way to frame rejection that makes it possible to try again. Have something going with at least a couple others so one can’t  hurt you too much.

I suspect trying something new, you are highly likely to fail and be rejected. Meeting women from online sites after not having done it for a long time, I have found that at first they have a pretty negative reaction to me, because I come across pretty uptight. After the first two I seem to loosen up.

I plan to try cold approaches, but I want to have a couple sex buddies first, as confidence backstops.”

Indeed the key to not getting hurt by rejection is by having somebody who’s not rejecting you. That’s the key to not being needy, and not caring.

I saw a few women today I wanted to approach, but I still need to work up to that. Having one woman very sexually gratified helps boost my confidence, but I’d like to get the ball rolling a little more strongly.

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6 Responses to Working Up to Cold Approaches

  1. Susan Walsh says:

    Omega Man, thanks so much for the link, much appreciated.

  2. Mahoney (the key board warrior) says:

    I don’t know why you say you would loved to have been ignored from age 10 to 15. I’ve been ignored by women all my life but I’ve never truly been rejected simply because I’ve never really put in an honest effort being as I already know I will be rejected. But anytime I have been put forth any slight effort, trying hard not to broadcast my sexual interest (so the pain of rejection could be minimized) to see the immediate change in body language, the subtle yet unmistakable hint of repulsion……….

    Let me ask you something Omega Man, lets say there’s a hapless, socially retarded, sexually insecure omega virgin with cripplingly low self esteem who wants to improve himself. Would you recommend that he simply jump right in and start approaching chicks (if he can summon the courage) or should he first work on himself on other areas to improve his confidence and social skills and then go for the chicks?

  3. kalushkin says:

    Sometimes being ignored is much better than being picked on, which is what I think Omega means when he mentions from 10 to 15.

    Although, I assume that for most of us rejection is hard because it takes us such effort to just put ourselves out there and then within seconds all that courage and build up goes for not. It definitely makes next time much more difficult and much more unappealing (I speak from personal experience of course).

  4. asdf says:

    If you have low self esteem or just feel insecure in general, what you have to do is make some friends you can hang out with and just be social in a social situation. Exchange opinions, get along, play some sports once in a while. You need a social ‘base’. Without that you will fail. Preferably not a totally isolated, nerdy group either. Girls are attracted to guys with good social standing, they are social creatures. They feel good when their man is highly regarded and especially when other girls see him that way, that’s what you need to achieve. You don’t have to be fake, just work towards it.

  5. asdf says:

    Another good thing to do is make friends with girls. Not soulmates or bloodbrothers. It doesn’t have to be the hottest ones, but being casually friendly with girls gives you some social status and takes the edge off. What you have to understand about that is not to try to dump your shit on them. They are like children, very shallow and only want to feel good. So you just tease them a bit, joke a bit, be casual and easy going. If you try to be deep with girls they won’t understand, might get freaked out that you’re getting ‘heavy’, might feel insecure about it, and will probably just end up being turned off and staying away. An advantage is that if you don’t spill your guts immediately and charm them a bit with jokes and teasing they will find you intriguing.

  6. asdf says:

    You have to kind of pull yourself up by your bootstraps, but the initial steps are the hardest. Once you learn to tread water you can start learning to swim.

    An important thing is to know yourself and know what you want. The sexual pressure in this society is enormous. Some people are just more sensitive by nature, this can be a big advantage, it can give you insight. But at the same time it can damage you if you don’t learn to protect yourself. At some point you have to take people as they are, and there are many callous fools in this world. That doesn’t mean you should discount yourself. Know your strengths and respect yourself. Know what you want and be careful going about getting it. Some people want to eat you up and spit you out, just beware.

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