I read long ago a trick to online dating was to put pictures of yourself doing all kinds of macho stuff and adventure sports in your profile. I didn’t pay much attention to that. A week or so ago I was looking at an online profile and realized I could put a lot more pictures up; I had three or so, me standing in a park smiling. So I put in a bunch more, driving a boat, paragliding, on a motorcycle, diving, stuff like that. And I got a lot of response.
I met up with a woman today and I was struggling to come up with something interesting. Small talk- weather, daily activities, etc., serves an important purpose in social interaction but to me seems to be mainly to grease the skids of formal interaction- you have some business with a person, on a one-time or ongoing basis, but it’s rude to only talk business so you chat a little about other things. In other words it has little purpose with women.
“Game” seems largely to be talking about the things women like to talk about- people, relationships, pop psychology, astrology, animals, what have you- that men not only don’t care to talk about but find kind of gay. I was trying to think of something along these lines- I didn’t have any routines, which I probably should have- but I stumbled upon some work stories which she loved. My work stories involved funny stuff that happened while I was traveling, and women love traveling, and doing my job, which is different and both sexes find interesting.
I had stumbled upon “demonstrating higher value”, which in an unvarnished sense might appear to be bragging. Men typically avoid bragging, as it’s an invitation to get busted on. The exceptions are aggressive, competitive guys of middle status- high status guys don’t need to brag, lower status guys are afraid to. But “DHV” as it is called is not bragging- it is organically mentioning something in context that signals status.
If you say “My boss really listens to me. He depends on me for good advice, the others are too afraid to speak up and they don’t know what they are talking about anyway” you will be taken with a grain of salt. If you say “The budget is always a big deal in our office. My boss wanted to cut A but I showed him that would cause X problem and if he really had to cut he should cut B instead” you are saying exactly the same thing, but indirectly and with an example. People get the point but appreciate the subtlety.
So many things about women are counterintuitive to nerds, as I have learned, but I never kept records and can’t remember many of them. Stuff that makes no sense, until you see it in action and then it’s “Ahhh, I see what they were talking about” and it seems too obvious to even think about.
I was at a social event the other night and it again struck me how tricky parties are. They really are an art to themselves; as much as I hate them, as you probably do, I need to practice. I was approached by a couple of people getting things going; I almost made the mistake of clinging to one; I glanced over at her after she excused herself, which was bad enough. How much talking is enough? How much is too much? When do you excuse yourself? Once you get past the anxiety- I quickly concluded there was no one there I wanted to know- it becomes just a weird, tricky problem.