Mental Problems And Relationships

Ferdinand Bardimu had a discussion with blogger Robert Lindsay about mental disorders and social rankings-

The question is the specific type of mental problem. Lindsay says he has found anxiety and depression to be relationship killers. I have also. He says that while some of the OCD sufferers he deals with are without women, others are not.

Social anxiety is the worst problem for relationships. It simply makes meeting people difficult or impossible. Depression is pretty bad also, as it saps energy and makes you not fun to be around. Lindsay doesn’t mention in any detail what kinds of obsessive compulsive behavior the guys he deals with display, but probably some kinds are hard for women to deal with, and others are relatively benign.

The typical problem for a low-status male is probably social anxiety, anxiety and anxiety-related depression. These are not irrational, as mental problems are often assumed to be. If you don’t have any social power many people can make your life difficult, which is fear-inducing. If your interactions with others are likely to be met with negative feedback if you step outside of certain bounds, that is fear-inducing. Experiencing fear much of the time is draining, which leads to depression.

These are very difficult to cure, but they can be coped with or managed. Economic security is fundamental; I have talked about fitting in at the workplace and staying employed before. Social anxiety is a really hard thing. The simplest way of dealing with anxiety is exposure- the anxious person is placed in the anxiety-provoking situation and the anxiety eventually dies out. This works but is very painful, and as people generally avoid pain at all costs, doesn’t actually cure many people of anxiety.

Game should be some antidote to social anxiety as it purports to provide a toolkit of social skills to cover a variety of situations. And yet approach anxiety is acknowledged to be one of the biggest barriers to effective game and there doesn’t seem to be a lot of consensus on how best to deal with it.

Starting from the viewpoint that social anxiety is not irrational and in fact is a learned adaptive response, I have some ideas on that for my own benefit I’ll write something about later.


6 Responses to Mental Problems And Relationships

  1. Anonymous says:

    Good insightful stuff.

  2. […] Man – “Mental Problems and Relationships“, “Internal […]

  3. Lovekraft says:

    Nice post, but an area in which caution must be taken. Psychology is a woman’s domain and men should take care not to be labeled a certain way.

    That said, there is a need to describe the feelings of alienation white males feel in the West. I grew up in the age of affirmative action and “Human Rights” commissions dictating ‘truth’.

    It was no picnic. The solution I always desired was to have more tribal connection with similar members, but the gay and Jewish camps made this quite difficult.

  4. NMH says:

    Good post. I was an omega for many years due to social anxiety, I would get extremely nervous around women that I was attracted to and this would drive them away. A possible solution is to take Prozac which I have done for about 5 years, and Im not nearly as anxious around women as I was before. This allowed me a few short term relationships and the LTR Im in now.

    A possible danger mentioned by someone is that SSRI’s like Prozac lower dopamine levels in the brain and may inhibit the feelings associated with pair bonding (ie “falling in love”), and lead to troubles with getting erections. These are issues I face in my corrent relationship.

    However, if I had not taken prozac, Im sure I would have scared off this current LTR before it had even started and I suspect my prozac-induced aloofness and failure to pair bond may give the woman I am with the gina tingle.

    Woman are paradoxical. Some of us have to take drugs to meet them.

  5. anonomega says:

    This post hit close to home for me as well. I suffer fairly intense social anxiety apart from my baseline natural introversion. Not surprisingly, I have had no social life to speak of since adolescence and am now in my mid-30’s. My chosen career path, involving expensive and seemingly endless training, has further sapped any energy I might have had to tackle this problem. And on top of all of this, I’m short, overweight and unattractive in a stereotypically ethnic (Jewish) way. Life sucks, but I do feel a bit better having come across an empathetic spirit and taken the opportunity to vent. Thanks.

  6. Hi, thx for writing about this stuff! It’s great to see people writing about this. I must disagree however with the fellow who said don’t let males be labelled. Psychiatry, with the advent of the DSM’s, is increasingly a medical science, with actual diagnoses to be made or not made on a symptom checklist as in physical disorders.

    I am quite certain that these disorders exist!

    Nevertheless, it may certainly be the case that a guy can be “strange” or “weird” and not meet any DSM criteria at all. Just because other people think you’re weird doesn’t mean you’re mentally ill. Maybe you’re just different. We’re all different, you know, and being different isn’t necessarily mental illness, even if others hate it.

    It’s important to diagnose people correctly, though. Once you get a dx, the lights all turn on. You have an actual medical problem that can be labeled and treated. There is a wealth of data available on how and how not to treat it. That’s pretty nice!

    The OCD patients I work with generally are pure-O obsessives. They don’t have compulsions. But their obseesions are so upsetting to them that this is generating a lot of anxiety and depression. Some of them appear to be out there and people keep trying to snap them back into reality. In fact, they are just obsessing away, but they appear to be lost in space or off in their own worlds of worry.

    I wrote an article on a subform of OCD where the people are worried that they are pedophiles! It sounds horrible, but they will never do such a thing. In fact, they are not pedophiles at all, in any way whatsoever, and they will never do such a thing. Instead, they are just good people who are worried that they are bad people.

    I had a couple of others with harm OCD, where they worry that they are murderers! Once again, they’re actually the most harmless people on Earth, and they would never hurt a fly!

    Another had schiz OCD, where he worried that he had schizophrenia.

    A few others have had HOCD, homosexual OCD, where they worry that they are gay.

    This is all just the same illness honestly. It simply takes different forms. I am frankly amazed that a guy who worries he’s a killer or a pedophile can find any woman on Earth to deal with him, but quite a few of these guys actually have women who know about their conditions and even dote over them carefully.

    OCD is not social anxiety disorder, and OCD folks are not typically as messed up socially as SA folks, so they can meet people pretty well. They do seem like “space cases” though, and often seem to be worried about some hard to figure out thing.

    I do have one SA guy that I work with but I can’t do much for him. SA is clearly a deadly illness as far as relationships go. It flat out keeps you from meeting people!

    I can do therapy for OCD people, though I don’t charge, and I’m not a therapist. I just have the illness, so I know it inside out.

    Other mental conditions are hard to deal with. I have a hard time with depressives and especially SA folks. I don’t have the slightest idea what to do for them.

    If your life is screwed up due to anxiety so bad it is keeping you from meeting chicks, consider taking a drug! Sure, the drugs are lousy, but so anxiety so bad that it keeps you alone!

    I also have some yoga techniques that are good. One for OCD and one just for regular anxiety.

    I’ll share them with you if you wish.

    I’m glad to see this website! More like this!

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