One of the most important ideas of libertarian economic thought is that is any voluntary, non-coercive exchange or relationship, both parties benefit, and thus the exchange or relationship is good. Classical economist David Ricardo looked askance at this- with his theory of rent, he showed that one party, in this case a tenant farmer, might receive only enough to keep from starving. (Karl Marx stretched this out over 2000 pages, but that’s all Marxism is, really.)
Robert Ringer, in “Winning Through Intimidation”, shows that the pot will be divided, but not equally, fairly, justly, or whatever, but by who just took it, and you could avoid getting screwed by learning the art of intimidation. And this is probably a great book for anybody interested in game, as well as business or social relationships in general.
Male-female relationships fall into a few different categories based on dominance levels. Not all are of direct interest to us but I’ll go through the range for purposes of illustration.
Pimp/prostitute- highest level of dominance, manipulation and control. A man who is good with women might be described as a “pimp”, but this is highly metaphorical.
Aggressive criminal/groupie- this would describe men such as outlaw bikers, mafia members, senior gang members, other types of organized or sometimes unorganized criminals. Such men don’t prostitute their women, although bikers might have girlfriends who work as strippers. These women might carry drugs, hide weapons, or otherwise assist criminal activity without getting directly involved. They’re excited by the tough, aggressive, “rebellious” behavior of these men- see “Goodfellas” or “Wiseguy”, the book it came from for an example.
These women, of course, are not normal or sane, you aren’t going to run across them and if you do run for the door. What do women get out of these relationships and why do they do it? It’s not worth thinking about. Here are the kinds of things normal people see-
Alpha relationship- the man is in control, and exercises leadership. This describes the dating relationships of alphas and some marriages. The relationship of marriage in Western society is strongly oriented around equality and partnership- in ‘The Physiology Of Marriage” Balzac talks about the difference in the status of women in northern and southern Europe, and this is not a feminist or Victorian invention but something that goes back into the sands of time. In Viking society the wife legally had control over the household finances. Because of this I think maintaining alpha status in marriage is, if not difficult, something few men are prepared for. See “Married Man Sex Life” for ideas on doing this.
I think this is what makes men and women the most happy, a relationship with some level of male control and leadership. But I think it is hard to maintain as men tend to lose their dominance over the life of the relationship. Thus an alpha relationship turns into a beta relationship, which is not too bad.
Beta relationship- man and woman are “equal” or “partners”, and I put these in quotes because in reality the woman has more dominance and control. This is what the majority of relationships are like. Women like alphas but they are in short supply. They select on other qualities as well- appearance, social status, financial status, probability of future success, amiability, etc. Still in the typical relationship the man will have some degree of dominant characteristics.
The bad news is if the man doesn’t a lot of dominance to begin with, and loses it in the course of the relationship, things can go very wrong- he may become the dreaded “kitchen bitch”. The content beta to despised kitchen bitch story is the story of much of American manhood.
Part of the problem is, what are you looking for and what do you hope to achieve? If you want a woman to provide you with comfort and support when you are feeling weak, you may have a dangerous and unsupportable expectation- see “What Is Love?”
But let’s look at some other relationship types.
Dominant woman- Men and women have varying levels of dominance, so paired off it would not be possible for the man always to be the more naturally dominant. Also some cultures have more female dominance, Jews obviously, Italians less obviously (Mario Puzo modeled the godfather after his mother, David Chase modeled Tony Soprano’s after his), and the Irish. I suppose these can work but I don’t think either men or women are really happy with them.
Companionate- some women, in their late 30’s or older, just want a guy to do things with, to talk to, and have sex with, and his dominance isn’t a big deal to them. I think if a woman does not want to have kids, dominance is not much desired and may be a negative, you can fill in the sociobiological reasons for that. I have found myself in relationships with women who didn’t want to have kids on just this basis.
If you’re an omega the problem is to avoid being dominated, at least unpleasantly. If you can assert yourself a relationship with a little bit of female dominance might be OK. However Athol Kay of “Married Man Sex Life” attributes his success to being with a woman who is naturally somewhat submissive. Building up your own strength to the point where you can do this is the key.