Relationship Types And Dominance Levels

One of the most important ideas of libertarian economic thought is that is any voluntary, non-coercive exchange or relationship, both parties benefit, and thus the exchange or relationship is good. Classical economist David Ricardo looked askance at this- with his theory of rent, he showed that one party, in this case a tenant farmer, might receive only enough to keep from starving. (Karl Marx stretched this out over 2000 pages, but that’s all Marxism is, really.)

Robert Ringer, in “Winning Through Intimidation”, shows that the pot will be divided, but not equally, fairly, justly, or whatever, but by who just took it, and you could avoid getting screwed by learning the art of intimidation. And this is probably a great book for anybody interested in game, as well as business or social relationships in general.

Male-female relationships fall into a few different categories based on dominance levels. Not all are of direct interest to us but I’ll go through the range for purposes of illustration.

Pimp/prostitute- highest level of dominance, manipulation and control. A man who is good with women might be described as a “pimp”, but this is highly metaphorical.

Aggressive criminal/groupie- this would describe men such as outlaw bikers, mafia members, senior gang members, other types of organized or sometimes unorganized criminals. Such men don’t prostitute their women, although bikers might have girlfriends who work as strippers. These women might carry drugs, hide weapons, or otherwise assist criminal activity without getting directly involved. They’re excited by the tough, aggressive, “rebellious” behavior of these men- see “Goodfellas” or “Wiseguy”, the book it came from for an example.

These women, of course, are not normal or sane, you aren’t going to run across them and if you do run for the door. What do women get out of these relationships and why do they do it? It’s not worth thinking about. Here are the kinds of things normal people see-

Alpha relationship- the man is in control, and exercises leadership. This describes the dating relationships of alphas and some marriages. The relationship of marriage in Western society is strongly oriented around equality and partnership- in ‘The Physiology Of Marriage” Balzac talks about the difference in the status of women in northern and southern Europe, and this is not a feminist or Victorian invention but something that goes back into the sands of time. In Viking society the wife legally had control over the household finances. Because of this I think maintaining alpha status in marriage is, if not difficult, something few men are prepared for. See “Married Man Sex Life” for ideas on doing this.

I think this is what makes men and women the most happy, a relationship with some level of male control and leadership. But I think it is hard to maintain as men tend to lose their dominance over the life of the relationship. Thus an alpha relationship turns into a beta relationship, which is not too bad.

Beta relationship- man and woman are “equal” or “partners”, and I put these in quotes because in reality the woman has more dominance and control. This is what the majority of relationships are like. Women like alphas but they are in short supply. They select on other qualities as well- appearance, social status, financial status, probability of future success, amiability, etc. Still in the typical relationship the man will have some degree of dominant characteristics.

The bad news is if the man doesn’t a lot of dominance to begin with, and loses it in the course of the relationship, things can go very wrong- he may become the dreaded “kitchen bitch”. The content beta to despised kitchen bitch story is the story of much of American manhood.

Part of the problem is, what are you looking for and what do you hope to achieve? If you want a woman to provide you with comfort and support when you are feeling weak, you may have a dangerous and unsupportable expectation- see “What Is Love?”

But let’s look at some other relationship types.

Dominant woman- Men and women have varying levels of dominance, so paired off it would not be possible for the man always to be the more naturally dominant. Also some cultures have more female dominance, Jews obviously, Italians less obviously (Mario Puzo modeled the godfather after his mother, David Chase modeled Tony Soprano’s after his), and the Irish. I suppose these can work but I don’t think either men or women are really happy with them.

Companionate- some women, in their late 30’s or older, just want a guy to do things with, to talk to, and have sex with, and his dominance isn’t a big deal to them. I think if a woman does not want to have kids, dominance is not much desired and may be a negative, you can fill in the sociobiological reasons for that. I have found myself in relationships with women who didn’t want to have kids on just this basis.

If you’re an omega the problem is to avoid being dominated, at least unpleasantly. If you can assert yourself a relationship with a little bit of female dominance might be OK. However Athol Kay of “Married Man Sex Life” attributes his success to being with a woman who is naturally somewhat submissive. Building up your own strength to the point where you can do this is the key.

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17 Responses to Relationship Types And Dominance Levels

  1. Hi there, appreciate the mentions, much appreciated.

    My feeling is that men are more naturally dominant than women, so just reverting to a couples more natural temprement will make things go more smoothly between them. If you marry a man-jawed amazon though, then things won’t naturally work that way so much.

  2. MQ says:

    I agree that most women are naturally somewhat submissive BUT…and this is a huge but…almost no one is ever completely submissive. You need an eye for when you’re pushing in areas where there isn’t any give.

    These women, of course, are not normal or sane, you aren’t going to run across them and if you do run for the door.

    no kidding. One of the big giveaways for how many commenters in the man-o-sphere are hard up (either never get laid, or had their sensibilities totally shaped by some period when they never got laid) is these weird expressions of jealousy over serial killer groupies, gun molls, etc. That’s a sign of not having any standards — any woman is a good woman. Once you have steady sex with a variety of women you realize some women are good, other women are bad, and it’s not necessarily a positive thing to draw interest from the lousy ones.

  3. Sheila Tone says:

    MQ makes a very good point. Only screwed-up guys want those screwed-up women.

    OM, what’s a “kitchen bitch?” Is it guy who cooks? If so, do you find cooking a demeaning task?

    Seriously, once a responsible couple has kids I think the marriage takes both people going full throttle with whatever skills or abilities they’ve got. Not much time for mind games.

    What dominance do you worry about? You do seem a bit uptight, so does it bother you when a woman jokes at your expense? Have you ever flown off the handle, then realized a woman was maybe just flirting with you?

    A lot of men really don’t want to have to run things. It probably gets exhausting.

    • MQ says:

      A lot of men really don’t want to have to run thing. It probably gets exhausting

      That’s the reason most people aren’t dominant. Most sub women know damn well that by being “submissive” they are are offloading responsibility on the man. The ultimately easiest place to be is “topping from the bottom” — letting the other person take the lead most of the time but giving them hell when they lead in the wrong direction. Truly self-sacrificing submission is hard to find in either sex.

    • The term “kitchen bitch” was coined by NPR commentator and author Sarah Tsing Loh, to describe the husband that she cheated on and then divorced. The man’s crime was that he helped out around the house so much- he was apparently a very good cook- that she began to find him wimpy and boring. If you want to read the whole story it’s on the Atlantic magazine website.

  4. Sheila Tone says:

    OM, you’re a very selective interpreter of reality. He threw HER ass out for cheating. The main problems were that 1) he was gone a lot for work, and 2) she’s a writer, and therefore flaky.

    I’ve warned you before about basing your relationship views on stories from professional writers. They’re all liars. They’ll cannibalize every inch of their lives in order to turn it into an entertaining story.

  5. […] Omega Man – “This is Kind of Sick, But…“, “Relationship Types and Dominance Levels” […]

  6. Clarence says:

    Sheila Tone:
    WHY did she cheat?

    Because “kitchen bitch” husbands are boring.

    Now it’s true she should have been an adult about things and either sucked it up or better yet talked to him about injecting more romance into the marriage.
    And I’m glad he threw her stupid cheating ass out.

    But that doesn’t disguise the fact that the marriage broke up mostly due to lack of “gina tingles” and I hardly see why she’d fictionalize the reason why it broke up in such a pathetic way. Basically her whole Atlantic articles make her seem like a spoiled entitled bitch.

  7. […] The content beta to despised kitchen bitch story is the story of much of American manhood. ~ Relationship Types and Dominance Levels, on Game for Omegas site, where the author also pointed out the term “kitchen bitch” was […]

  8. David says:

    Women down deep don’t respect men who let them run things. When I say “respect” i mean in the sexual way. Woman can talk a good game about how great it is that a man is willing to let her make a lot of decisions for the relationships. Intellectually she may like it. But down deep, biologically speaking, in her inner brain, she will not be turned on by that and will sexually disrespect him. Which will lead to either her leaving him or her cuckolding him. It’s the way nature works. I’m talking about normal women. There are women who are so insecure that they NEED to run things, in which case running things will give them psychological peace but there is still the pesky aspect of not being sexually interested in a man who lets her run things.

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  11. Anonymous says:

    ” But down deep, biologically speaking, in her inner brain, she will not be turned on by that and will sexually disrespect him.” Since you’re talking “biologically”, mind referencing a few studies that support this bold claim?

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  14. […] Relationship Types And Dominance Levels | Game For Omegas – But let’s look at some other relationship types. Dominant woman … If you can assert yourself a relationship with a … “, “Relationship Types and Dominance … […]

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