(Not Totally) Stupid Girl

This woman gets raked over the coals at the Spearhead-

http://www.the-spearhead.com/2010/06/12/in-defense-of-starter-marriage-a-tale-of-marriage-2-0/

I won’t say she doesn’t deserve some of it. I would be particularly critical of how she doesn’t seem to consider the feelings of her ex-husband at all.

Still, she has some personal insight, which is better than none. She realizes it was a mistake, and she realizes it was partly her fault. A more offensive- and more typical female reaction from the manosphere standpoint- would be “that idiotic loser, I can’t believe I wasted three years of my life, he totally screwed me over.”

I was reading somewhere that while Jane Austen’s novels are sometimes considered silly romantic fluff, they are anything but, because marriage is the most critical decision a person makes in their lifetime. In those days there was no divorce and no turning back, so that was the case. These days you might extract yourself without too much damage, although often the damage is serious and life-long. Logically a decision like this would be made in a very serious and sober manner, but for many people it’s a kind of reversion to childhood- “This person will make me happy! In the shelter of this relationship I can leave my cares behind! I will have a parent, a friend, and a playmate all in one!”

Ms. Rothschild seems to have though that she could fix this guy- get him motivated and off the couch. Expecting that a person will change is probably the biggest mistake you can make. Ultimately she dominated him and this is not comfortable for anybody. Her new fiance seems to be the more aggressive, energetic guy who fits her personality.

The other point is she had been with the guy for three years, and figured it was time to get married. I think that is another big mistake many people make. I think the truth is you know pretty quickly if a person is going to work for you- a few months is probably enough. People stay together because they don’t want to be alone and hope that things will improve over time.

A few conclusions we can draw from this-

-The person is not likely to change, and certainly will not change by arm-twisting.

-Relationships don’t get better over time. They are best at the beginning and then when the novelty wears off they settle at a certain point.

-Fundamental personality compatibility is critical. Opposite attracts, similar stays together. You should enjoy the same things and the man has to have at least some dominance over the woman.

Relationships take a lot of head as well as a lot of heart.

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2 Responses to (Not Totally) Stupid Girl

  1. Sheila Tone says:

    Wow, a writer married an actor and it didn’t last. Surprise.

    Wow,then she wrote about it. Surprise.

    Wow, the Spearhead blames feminists for the failure of the union. Surprise.

    You guys never learn.

  2. […] Man – “What is Love?“, “Wait – it Gets Worse“, “(Not Totally) Stupid Girl“, “Less Opportunity, More Ambition?“, “The Dual Nature of […]

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