“Why Did I Get Married?”

This seems to be the title of two movies, one with Chris Rock and one with Tyler Perry. Funny no white guys have made a movie with this title, but I’m sure similar things have been done.

Actually, the unfortunate married stiff is a common theme of comedy, although more often you see a stupid fat slob who is married to a hot, smart woman. The idea meant to be communicated is marriage is great for men, and good for women as it gives them someone to feel superior toward and condescend to.

The grimness of marriage seemed to be a theme of highbrow literature in the 70’s, examples being John Updike and maybe John Cheever although I’m not familiar with him. This was about upper middle-class WASPs in the Northeast though, and not about the men’s experience in general.

Underneath the stoicism I think there is a lot to be questioned about the emotional experiences of men and their experiences of marriage. Why do guys get married? How do they feel about it afterward? We all know about the 50% of marriages that end in divorce, although these are usually initiated by women. What about those who remain married? How many are happy? What regrets do they have?

Lots of questions! But I ask because I don’t know. I have one friend who is married. His attitude is “never get married.” He has never really explained to me why he did it in the first place. I think he had been with the woman a long time and felt bad or got an ultimatum. His attitude is shared by many, but it doesn’t address the ambiguities of the situation.

My only experience with marriage is my parents’. I once thought they were happy, then later realized they were pretty unhappy. I think my father was always pretty ambivalent about it. I think he went ahead with it because my mom wanted it, and she wanted it because she was getting old. My father recently said getting my mother to marry him was one of his accomplishments. At the time while I don’t think he was opposed to being married, his wife and children were pretty low priorities for him. He lived much like a bachelor in a rooming house, he would come home and other than a little chit chat at the dinner table he kept to himself. I think now in his old age he was glad he had some kind of home life and he has some company in his old age from his kids.

I think of this because I have ambivalent relationships with a couple of foreign girlfriends. I honestly don’t think I can marry them but I can’t let them go. Do I marry a woman I’m not sure about it the hope things will work?

I suspect a lot of guys do. They have problems with the relationship, likely relating to the woman’s attitude and lack of respect. But they don’t think they can do better, they want to end the pursuit of women, which is tiring for most, and they want to enjoy family life.

And I suspect they find the disadvantages outweigh the advantages, or at least weigh heavily on them. The wife is a bitch frequently, even when it’s not that time of month. Whether or not she works the main burden of the household expenses falls on him, and the money goes for things she wants, not things he wants. The kids are usually bratty, sometimes hyperactive, and he gets no peace and quiet or time for himself except some time in front of the TV. A solitary life of microwaved dinners starts to look good to him.

I guess the bulk of these guys soldier on. If the wife files for divorce they are surprised, because they thought their efforts were appreciated at least a little. Or maybe she doesn’t file, but just treats him like her slave, and bitches and gets fat. Maybe the life has its moments, a happy moment with the wife which recalls the early days, some fun activities with the kids, some pride in the home and family he has constructed.

Back before he turned into a lefty shill, I was at a Bruce Springsteen concert, I believe for the “The River” tour. He told a story about how his dad would sit in the kitchen late at night, with the lights off, smoking. I think I have an idea how he felt.

But I’m just guessing about a lot of this, because guys don’t talk about it much. I have a terrible fear of dying alone in a charity rest home in a pool of my own filth. Getting married and having kids obviously is no guarantee this won’t happen,  but it has to reduce its probability. I am inclined to take the risk but I certainly have my doubts about the whole thing.

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5 Responses to “Why Did I Get Married?”

  1. Willy Wonka says:

    The Chris Rock movie called “I Think I Love My Wife”, Tyler Perry on the other hand made two “Why Did I Get Married?” movies…

  2. Henry Jones says:

    Omega Man,

    I was very surprised to hear that you had served in the USMC. I have always been drawn the idea of joining the military, yet I am most definitely an omega, not just in terms of sexual market value, but in terms of being an extreme introvert, rather socially retarted and a loner. I would imagine that the military life would be incredible difficult for such a person as myself in terms of not fitting in, being ridiculed by your peers, which would be made worse for the fact that you cannot as much indepdance that you would with a normal 9 to 5 job.

    Would you say this is true?

    • It’s a macho, conformist environment so it’s pretty difficult for an introvert. That’s true of the Army and the Marines anyway; the Navy is somewhat different, and I suppose the Air Force. The Navy depends on a vast array of technical specialists and is a much more comfortable environment for nerds. I was not a good fit in the Marines; if I was to do it again I would skip it or maybe go for the Navy. The Coast Guard might be good but I don’t know much about it.

      And the truth is the Army and Marine recruiting ads are incredible lies; you only do cool stuff like shooting machine guns, blowing stuff up and rappelling out of helicopters a few weeks a year, the rest of the time you clean and paint things or do other makework.

      Plus in the Navy you get to see the world and god to places with cheap hookers.

  3. Sheila Tone says:

    Wait, TWO foreign girlfriends!? Why have you never said a thing about this before? Whereas, you’ve written about your Fleshlight at least twice.

    Real-life girlfriends you have are a lot more interesting and relevant to your “Game” theories than musing about tidbits of someone else’s life that you don’t really seem to know much about. Or recycling advice from the blog of some clown who just makes everything up.

    Some people just like to sit in the kitchen late, with the lights off. I know I do. It’s no reflection on my husband.

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