Men’s Rights And Dealing With Reality

If I get one point across in my drunken barstool rantings I hope it’s that you have to deal with the world as it is, not as you wish it was. People with resources can afford some illusions, but those with low status cannot.

The horrors of divorce are a commone topic in the mens’ issues blogosphere. The rotten, evil injustice of it all is decried daily. It’s all true, and it’s all pretty bad. And yet no one who has gotten married since the 70’s has not known what the deal was and how it works. Unless you are a hermit (which will include some omegas, but they aren’t at risk of getting married) you will also know married people, divorced people, and how their lives go.

I suspect many guys get married with a lot of trepidation, seeing the potential for problems but hoping things will somehow work out. They have been with the woman awhile, don’t see the possibility of a better one, don’t want to be alone, and “take the plunge” with the hope it will get easier and things will smooth out later.

There are an array of bad choices, and this could lead to a mildly bad result or a disaster. In my experience things always work out worse than you expect and worse than you hope. Starting out with serious doubts practically guarantees a bad outcome.

The guys who complain endlessly about marriage are likely the ones who made a bad decision, and knew they were making a bad decision. The often repeated advice “Don’t get married!” would probably be better stated “Don’t get married unless both you and your potential spouse are mature, mentally healthy, have a stable, positive relationship with little conflict and are not crossing your fingers.”

Not getting married is a good option, but it is not the only option. If you have a healthy relationship (notice I did not say “good” relationship) you may get divorced but it won’t be extremely emotional or traumatic.

My special, high intensity training has ended but now I’m on the road with sporadic internet access so it will take me a while to catch up. I still have plenty to say though.

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5 Responses to Men’s Rights And Dealing With Reality

  1. Eumaios says:

    “The [people] who complain endlessly … are likely the ones who made a bad decision, and knew they were making a bad decision.”

    Generally true.

    On the other hand, some complain because they love.

  2. MOGS says:

    a guy I work with boiled down the whole risk matrix of marriage to one question – he often mentors the younger guys quite successfully

    Do you want kids, yes or no? Does she want kids?

    If the answer to either is no, then don’t waste your time. Building a family and insuring one’s posterity is the only real reason to get married. Love, on its own, ain’t enough of a reason. It takes much, much more than love to make a marriage work – unfortunately, the West is full of princess wannabes who feel entitled to have their cake and eat it too, or are naive and encouraged by family and enabled by idiot men who buy into the line “all you need is love” – You can have plenty of love without marriage.

  3. […] Omega Man – “Men’s Rights and Dealing With Reality” […]

  4. Free Man says:

    The truth is most men don’t know the deal with marriage. Most men assume that if marriage doesn’t work out they will lose financially and if it’s a long marriage they will lose 50%.

    The reality is much worse. Courts generally give women 100% or more even after a short marriage. Getting married can permanently impoverish a man. Women (even nice girls) are quite predatory about this and the whole system is stacked against men.

  5. Anonymous says:

    So it is the man’s fault. That she lied, that she conned him, that she only wanted that trophy marriage certificate; which comes with a lien on ALL of the man’s future income. Most men don’t have a clue that that is what it really is. It’s not woman’s fault if she lies, cheats, and steals……. ?. But it’s the man’s fault if he is conned, mugged, and defrauded by a woman in divorce, all the while believing that she once loved him, and he did something wrong? That’s the great lie that men are trained from childhood to believe. Marriage is only ever about her getting all the money, and leaving the man she claimed to love with all her heart in a crumpled, miserable, broke, heartbroken pile on the side of the road behind her.

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