The Confidence Conundrum

I picked up an old “Conan the Barbarian” comic book once. In this story, an evil sorcerer had thrown Conan into the Well of Time, and he was transported to modern-day New York.

He learns English and the value of paper money. He is attacked by a gang of bodybuilders, but being Conan the freaking Barbarian, defeats them with ease. He tells them- “Strength built lifting iron lumps is different from strength built fighting death!”

For many years the cliché of male sexual success was “confidence.” Above all one was advised to just, well, be confident. Exactly how this was to be achieved was never stated, it was supposed to be self-explanatory.

The quality described as “confidence” is built up over a lifetime. You have a supportive, healthy family; you are accepted and get along well with your peers; you have successful experiences as an adult, and you will be what is called confident, that is happy, relaxed, well-disposed and friendly toward others and believing they will treat you the same way.

People love stories of people who had horrible childhoods and overcame all kinds of obstacles to be successful, but people tend to love stories about strange and unusual things, and this is not the way life generally works. If you had a bad childhood, bad peer experiences, and trouble as an adult, you will likely be the opposite of “confident”- angry, depressed, suspicious of others, withdrawn and antisocial.

This is not going to help you meet your needs, however, so you will have to come up with some substitute. A certain aspect of game is building up positive mental states. Fake confidence is not a perfect substitute for the real thing; but it will do in many situations. A big mental block for omegas is accepting that human interaction is often artificial.

But beyond that, think of it this way- the average, or above average “confident” guy functions in a world that is friendly and helpful to him. He gets by pretty easily. You, on the other hand, struggle every day, and while it’s hard you are stronger for it. The basis of your confidence is that you have survived a great deal, and not succumbed. A weed on he roadside is not as pretty as a rose in a garden, but it’s far more vital. Vitality counts for something.

As Henri Charriere shouts and the end of “Papillon”, “I’m still here!”

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2 Responses to The Confidence Conundrum

  1. Clarence says:

    Who would have spoken so well for the lowly weed?

    Good post.

  2. schfifty five says:

    Great post.

    “Be confident” – how many times have I heard it? People tell you to just change your personality, and everything will be ok.

    The point about confidence being based on positive experiences is huge.

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