I will get on my own program shortly but I had to comment on a Roissy post. He talks about game for old guys, and “Fuckup Avoidance Game” or FAG.
Har de har har. FAG. That was so funny I forgot to laugh! (As the nerd says to the jerk.) Like the Film Actors’ Guild. But, truth be told, FAG comes before any other kind of game, even Inner Game.
If you are lame with women, the first thing you need to do is avoid doing things that will turn them off. Dating is very much like job interviewing. The first part of the process, and a large part of the second part, is to eliminate obviously unsuitable candidates. The candidates are screened on paper, on resumes and applications, and more and more these days on the phone. They are then invited for a face to face, and the herd is culled further. Only after the process of elimination has run its course does the actual competition begin.
Certain skills, like riding a bicycle, are learned once and do not appreciably decay. Hence the simile. Others, like flying airplanes, may be learned once but will decay significantly without regular use. Dating is one of those skills. That is why long dry spells are so bad. The lack of sex and companionship is bad, but you lose the ability to obtain those also.
A big part of the problem is simple anxiety. If you don’t have experience, or have not had experience for awhile, you will be nervous about what is going to happen. It will take a numbe of interactions with women for this to subside. Anxiety is always bad, with any woman. A more desirable woman will think there’s something wrong with you, a less desirable woman will take it personally.
So, you need to be getting interactions with women as often as possible, to keep basic conversational skills and relaxation. Dating women you have no interest in will be necessary. They will pick up on the fact you really don’t care and be way turned on. (Coming Soon- counterintuitive things about women the omega man must learn.)
My social life has been sporadic for a long time so I’m out of currency. I will list the things that come to mind-
-You have to relax. Don’t worry if she’s going to like you, don’t worry if she will want to see you again, don’t worry if you’re going to get laid. Relax, have a pleasant and hopefully interesting and enjoyable conversation, and wish her a nice day.
-Be prepared to make mistakes, perhaps a lot of mistakes. Learning dating skills is a slow, gradual process. Sometimes you will see right away what you did wrong, other times it will dawn on you later, other times you will never figure out what the hell happened. Trying to reach a specific goal quickly will not work.
-Initial dates should be short to avoid overloading her system or your system. A friend of mine who gets it a lot said it’s better for a date to be 30 minutes too short than one second too long. Avoid dinner until you know her pretty well. You should establish a time limit for an initial meeting so you can get out quickly without her thinking you’re blowing her off. “I only have about thirty minutes because I have (some kind of appointment) with (somebody) at 2:30. I’ll see you at Starbucks at 1:30.”
-Avoid spending much money unless you’ve slept with her. If you do go for a dinner date, make it someplace cheap and funky. Money and formality create tension and that kills.
-Basic, decent clothes are important. Women respond to clothes. “Dress For Success” is a great book. Dress a little more nicely than the situation requires.
That’s just a few items. If you lack pickup skills, which you must if you are reading this for advice, you are going to have to meet women online. That’s brutal but as long as it gives you some opportunity to practice it’s a start.